


Broken Home

by AmberEyedLover



Series: Music Drabbles [2]
Category: Adam Lambert (Musician), Tommy Ratliff (Musician)
Genre: Hidden truths, Hitch hiking, Hurt/Comfort, Kind of AU, Lies, M/M, Scars
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-04-04
Updated: 2013-10-29
Packaged: 2017-12-07 10:28:20
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 14
Words: 65,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/747475
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AmberEyedLover/pseuds/AmberEyedLover
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>All his life Tommy hasn't had it easy, a chance encounter with a kind stranger has him thinking about different things, things he hasn't thought about in a long time while in search for his true identity, can Tommy really stick to his words of never seeing him again?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. 'Prologue'

**Author's Note:**

> So I heard the song 'Restless Love' by Matt Hires playing on the voice early today and it suddenly spun an idea around my mind which refused to go away until i had started to type it up, so this fic is based from the ideas I got from the song. 
> 
> (It's a really good song, even when you loose count of how many times you have listened to it while writing)

**_ April 26th 2006  _ **

_With a guitar strapped to his shoulder, a bag to the other, he walked with windswept hair from the breeze coming from his right, the sun shining down on his left.  
His feet was sore from walking for so long but the last car wasn’t heading this far from where he was dropped off a few miles back, head turned to the side, large dark sunglasses over his face, the blonde figure smiled as he saw the golden gate bridge far in the distance._

_Shifting the guitar on his back, he moved away from the road and settled it against one of the large rocks before he crouched down and started to open his bag, the few bottles of water which had been in there when he was dropped off by the gas station had slowly faded down to just two as he pulled one out and cracked it open, the liquid still cold enough to have him sighing as he drank a few large mouthfuls down and replaced the lid and bottle back inside the bag again.  
Everything sat back on his back again, He turned and let a deep breath out before his feet was moving and he found himself walking through the dry heat again only being broken by the sea breeze every soft often when the gust was strong enough._

_Humming bars under his breath, he reached up and brushed his fingers through his hair which needed to be cut a little, the sides was a little longer and no longer the buzz it was a few weeks ago when he had it cut last._   
_His memory taking him back to Alaska where he had hit the jackpot with an truck driver who was heading down to Washington and was willing to take him the whole way for nothing._   
_Of course he tried talking during the journey, all he really let known was that he was heading home for the first time since he left as a kid and that he didn’t have enough money to fly to California, so he had packed everything he owned and hopped a ride out of the city for a few miles before he had met up with the trucker at the gas station where he had been sitting, hoping that he would be able to hope another ride out of the state._

_From Alaska to Washington, they had shared stories, mainly the trucker talking about his life and some of the things he had done, even told him about some of the hitchhikers he had picked up, some freaky guys and then there was some really nice people he never heard from again._   
_He found out that the trucker had five kids, three girls and two boys, all grown up and spread out over the states, his youngest son at nineteen had just taken a medical course and had gone off to study in New York with some friends._   
_He had liked the old trucker, they laughed often and he was often left alone when he slept for long amounts of time, questions were never asked when he jumped awake in panic or a shout, the old guy would just reach over and pat his shoulder tightly, the touch grounding him and reminding him where he was before he calmed enough to say an embarrassed sorry which he was always told there was no need for._   
_The trucker was going to California but he had to go through Washington and down to Colorado before curling around to hit New Mexico before going on through Utah and Nevada before hitting California, but he didn’t want to wait that long._   
_With a bid of goodbye and him handing over a couple of bucks which he insisted the truck driver took for putting up with him, he left and never looked back again he had explored the city a little before hitching a ride from Olympia down in to Oregon and to Salem where the money ran out and he took to buskin on the street to earn a few dollars._

_Disturbed by his thoughts, he turned to see a car rumbling down the road, stepping closer to the side again, he raised his arm out, thumb stuck up hoping to get another ride, cursing loudly as the car just rode on by, cursing, the blonde shifted his guitar up on his shoulder again and turned back to stare out over the ocean and the bridge again which still looked no closer than it did the half an hour ago._

_Letting himself turn back, he sighed deeply and pushed himself to keep walking, humming again; he pushed his sunglasses up over his head for a moment to rub at the bridge of his nose before they were replaced again and he breathed out deeply, the summer’s sun beating down on him as it slowly moved up over the sky, his hooded jumper sticking to his back as sweat rolled down, he was glad for stuffing his leather jacket inside his bag before he had started walking._

_Another ten minutes passed and a few more failed attempts of getting a ride had him pulling his phone out his pocket to see that it was nearing 1pm, pushing it back inside again, he jumped as the sound of a horn disturbed his thoughts and he looked up to see a car crawling beside him, a guy leaning down to look through the open window, a large smile on his face which seemed to grow larger as he pushed his sunglasses up on to his head and leaned down slightly to look back._   
_‘’Where you going’’ He asked the guy as he peered back out the front of his car and back again,_   
_‘’San Diego’’ Blue eyes told him as he nodded slightly and stood back up, hand coming up to brush his thumb across his lower lip as his brown eyes glanced towards the bridge and nodded as he leaned back down and against the car door slightly._   
_‘’How far can you get me for nothing’’ He asked before pulling his lower lip between his teeth slightly, he could see the way the guy moved his eyes down towards his mouth quickly before back up again, a grin appearing over his lips and he swallowed slightly, his mind running through the things which the guy could ask him to do instead of money._   
_‘’As far as you want honey’’ The guy spoke out as he nodded and glanced at the car before back again, ‘’oh just put your stuff in the back seats, I would offer the trunk but I have a few boxes in there’’ The guy laughed out, his laugh musical as he nodded and pulled away._

_Five minutes later, he found himself sat in softer than soft leather seats, the windows down full and driving along the coastline, letting his hand move out the window, he spread his fingers and felt the wind move through them before he pulled it back in again as he heard the other guy chuckle softly._   
_‘’Im Adam by the way’’ Adam told him as he turned brown eyes towards him to see blue eyes looking towards him before turning back to the road again as he turned back to the window and pulled his sunglasses back down over his face as he stared out over the ocean, the vast blueness of it still a wonder to him._   
_‘’T-J’’ He said softly as he turned back to look at Adam who smiled towards him,_   
_‘’Sorry if it seems like im asking you something personal, but why were you walking out here, I mean its not really the best thing to do’’ Adam asked, the honesty in his voice had Tommy trusting a tiny bit._   
_‘’Yeah…uh been walking for a while’’ He shrugged out before turning eyes back out as they got closer to the bridge and pushed his glasses back up on to the top of his head again, ‘’been hitching to get to California’’_   
_‘’Jesus Christ, where did you start from?’’ Adam asked and Tommy glanced over at him to see the shocked expression._   
_‘’Alaska’’ Tommy muttered as he shifted slightly. ‘’do you mind if I try and get some sleep?’’ Tommy asked before Adam glanced over, his smile bright as he shook his head._   
_‘’No of course not, sorry I’ll be quiet, scouts honor’’ Adam told him with a grin as he nodded slightly and turned back, hands pulling the sunglasses back down over his face as he lowered in the soft seats and folded his arms across his chest, head resting against the side of the seat as he glanced out once more to see them driving up on to the bridge before he closed them again and let a small breath out. He could finally sleep and relax again._

_Waking to a hand shaking him, Tommy jumped and pushed his glasses up and turned to see Adam looking at him concerned slightly._  
‘’ _Sorry, you were muttering and you looked like you were dreaming about something bad’’ Adam told him as he nodded slightly and rubbed his hand over his face._  
 _‘’its fine, thank you’’ Tommy told him before he glanced around to see that they were parked up somewhere._  
 _‘’We‘re in Bayview’’ Adam told him almost if he could read Tommy’s mind._  
 _‘’Cool, uh… can we stop for something to eat?’’ Tommy asked before Adam laughed and nodded,_  
 _‘’Sure thing, the next stop is Fresno, going to take about two maybe three hours depending on traffic and I was going to stop there for the night, I’ve been driving for a while, that’s okay with you I mean?’’ Adam asked as Tommy glanced over and nodded._  
 _‘’Sure thing, im sure I can find another ride there’’ Tommy told him, knowing that he wouldn’t have enough money from his last street busk to pay for a motel room._  
 _‘’Nonsense, stay a night with me in a motel and I’ll take you as far as you want’’ Adam told him with a smile before he climbed out the car and Tommy felt his heart stutter slightly. Getting out the car slowly, Tommy leaned back through to grab his bag and pulled it forward as he tugged his wallet out and stood again and closed the door, turning he jumped back a step when he noticed Adam standing near him watching and he felt his stomach twist before he smiled. ‘’come on, I know this great place to grab some food’’ He laughed before turning and heading away._

_Breathing out, Tommy let himself size Adam up, he knew that he was taller…hell his arms looked like something could use to hang himself from, he knew what ever happened that Adam would be able to pin him down and take him if he had wanted too, he would be helpless against him.  
Shaking his thoughts away, Tommy pushed his wallet in to his pocket as he caught up with Adam and ran his thumb along his bottom lip again before dropping it. Sure enough about ten minutes of silently walking, Adam turned and held open a door to a small café before Tommy stepped inside, his sunglasses being pushed to the top of his head as Adam carefully past him, a hand touching against his lower back slightly which had Tommy flinching but thankfully not being noticed by Adam as he walked towards the counter and started to say something to the person before he was walking around and out back, leaving Tommy with a frown as he sat down._

_‘’And what can I get you love?’’ Looking up from where he was looking the small plastic covered menu over, Tommy pulled his wallet out and laid it on the table,,_   
_’’Um, could I get a ham salad sandwich’’ He asked the women as she smiled and nodded._   
_‘’Any thing else dear?’’_   
_‘’Just a coffee, black’’ He told her as she nodded and started to walk away before she paused by Adam and hugged him, dropping his eyes down, Tommy pushed the menu back to where he had found it and pulled his wallet out to double check his money before he pulled a few bills out to see that it left him with a few dollars as he folded his wallet back and pushed it back in to his pocket again as Adam sat down across from him, his blue eyes bright in the sunlight which was floating in through the large bay windows._   
_‘’So Alaska huh, how come you’ve come all the way down here?’’ Adam asked as Tommy glanced up through his bangs and shrugged a little, his brown eyes dropping back to the table cloth again before he turned his attention to the windows beside them._   
_‘’Looking for someone’’ Tommy muttered out before he felt a hand cover his and he quickly pulled away and turned to stare at Adam with wide eyes. ‘’sorry…you made me jump’’ He told him as he noticed the expression on Adam’s face._   
_‘’Its fine, so who you looking for’’ Adam asked with a soft smile and Tommy turned to look at him for a while before the women came back with a tray and placed it down. Taking the coffee from her with a small smile, Tommy took a sip of the hot liquid before pushing it out the way for his food._   
_‘’A girl, Lisa’’ Tommy shrugged before he frowned slightly, ‘’that’s all I know really’’_   
_‘’She must be special if you’ve travelled all this way, but can I ask you something T-J?’’ Adam asked and Tommy swallowed slightly as he looked up and nodded slightly._   
_‘’Why not just fly, I mean it would be quicker and a lot safer than hitch hiking all the way, anyone could be out there and make you do things’’ Adam said softly, for a moment Tommy let himself relax fully at the safe feeling and look in Adam’s eyes before he shook it away and told himself not to trust him._   
_‘’Didn’t have the money, simple as’’ Tommy told him, his words ending the conversation as they both started to eat in silence._

_An hour and half later, Tommy finally found himself alone again as he walked the street, a piece of paper folded in his front pocket from what he had copied out the address book he had asked for in the café, he felt ashamed for looking up a free walk in clinic but he always made sure to get a check up every time he could, he felt even more ashamed knowing what he had done for some of the rides but he knew that it was the only way to get to where he needed to go. Telling himself that it was just for his safety as he pushed the door open, Tommy pushed his glasses up and paused at the smell of cleaning chemicals and the distinctive smell all clinics and hospitals shared._   
_Walking further in, he glanced around the empty waiting room with a small breath of air before he walked over to the front desk where an elderly women was sat reading,_   
_‘’’Umm excuse me’’ Tommy said softly, his voice a lot quieter than he had meant but it still caught her attention as she looked up with a smile. ’’I called not that long ago about an appointment’’ He spoke as she smiled and turned to the computer._   
_‘’I have two booked in for this afternoon, a Mr. Griffens and a Mr. James’’ She spoke out,_   
_‘’Griffens is me’’ Tommy told her quietly as she nodded and typed a few things out, a small frowning appearing as she glanced up at him and he looked down with a small blush as he moved his fingers over each other._   
_‘’The doctor will be out with you in about five minutes, if you would like to wait over there until you’re called’’ She told him as he nodded and started to walk away._   
_Breathing out deeply, Tommy wanted to run away and not get tested as he pushed his hands through his hair, folding his sunglasses over the collar of his thin shirt, he leaned forward on his knees and clasped his hands together as his eyes closed and head bowed._   
_‘’My Griffens, im dr. Martian, im ready for you now’’ Opening his eyes, Tommy looked up quickly before he nodded and stood, hands rubbing against his thighs before he followed him through._

_‘’The test results should be back in a few hours’’ Dr Martian told Tommy before he lifted his eyes and worried his bottom lip between his teeth again._   
_‘’Is there any way of getting them sent to a clinic in Fresno? Im traveling through with a friend at the moment and we will be leaving again in soon but we are going to be stopping there’’ Tommy quickly spoke out as the Dr looked at him before turning to the computer where he started to type a few things._   
_‘’If I do that, they will be there at this address’’ The Dr told him as he paused and started to write a address down on a slip of paper before handing it over to him. ‘’I’ll give them a call to tell them that the results will be there by 10am tomorrow morning’’ He told Tommy as he nodded and took the paper._   
_‘’Thank you so much’’ He whispered out before the doctor squeezed his shoulder softly._   
_‘’IT’s a good thing you are getting yourself checked Tommy, I know you wont tell me what’s happened but its good to see that such a young man is taking the chance to get tested when he can’’ Smiling weakly, Tommy stood and slipped the paper in to his pocket as he followed the Dr out in to the hallway before heading back out in to the street._

_^V^_

_Stepping inside the motel room, Tommy felt his stomach tighten slightly at the sight of the one bed before he slowly moved around and dropped his bag and guitar case down carefully as his eyes glanced around the room again before flicking over to where Adam had locked the door and glanced over with a smile.  
‘’Im going to go get a shower unless you want one first’’ Adam asked before Tommy shook his head, watching as he started to pull his shirt off and drop his own bag, Tommy swallowed slightly and turned back to his own where he opened it and dug through until he felt the hard edge of his laptop, he knew that he would have more money if he sold it just like his guitar but he couldn’t bring himself to do it._

_Looking up from where he sat down against the side of the bed, Tommy watched the bathroom door close behind Adam before he dropped his eyes back down again and turned the machine on, tapping his fingers against the side, Tommy found himself glancing towards the bathroom door every so often before he turned back and quickly punched his password in and watched as his desktop came up, a small smile licking at the corner of his lips as he stared at the photo of California he had saved as his back ground._   
_Bringing up the settings page, Tommy checked for a wifi connection and was glad when he saw on there for the motel and connected to it before he was pulling his internet page up and typing away. Lost in thoughts and searching through the web, Tommy didn’t notice the bathroom door open nor did he notice the soft footsteps which walked towards him until he felt a drop of water touch his arm, jumping and pulling the lid of his laptop down, Tommy stared up at Adam to see him stood over him in just a towel._   
_‘’Bathroom’s free now’’ Adam told him as he leaned over Tommy to grab his bag before he was moving away and to the other side of the bed again as Tommy let a breath out and nodded._   
_‘’Thanks’’ He told him as he scrambled over to his bag and placed his laptop on the floor beside it, finding some clothes inside, Tommy sniffed at them before he was pushing himself up on to his feet and heading in to the bathroom where he pushed the door closed and firmly slid the lock in to place before he tested it._   
_Happy that it wouldn’t undo, Tommy started to undress as he flicked the water back on, his back to the mirror as he avoided it, pushing his worn clothes in to one pile, Tommy grabbed a towel and his sleep wear and placed it near the shower before he climbed inside and let a soft sigh out as the hot water cascaded down over his back._

_Finishing up, Tommy grabbed the towel and dried himself off as quickly as he could before he was dressing again, the long sleeves of his shirt still sticking to his arms a little and to his back where his skin was still damp a little before he slid his sweat pants on and started to walk back out in to the main bedroom, the towel rubbing over his hair before he glanced up to see Adam laid out on the bed, his eyes half closed and turned towards Tommy, a lazy smile on his face before he turned back to the TV._   
_Dropping the towel back down, Tommy crossed back over to where his laptop was left and picked it up and placed it on the small table before he moved towards the large armchair in the room._   
_‘’Hey what are you doing?’’ Adam asked as he pushed himself up on to his elbows and looked over at him._   
_‘’Testing the chair’’ Tommy told him with a shrug,_   
_‘’Why’’_   
_‘’To sleep in’’_   
_‘’Don’t be stupid, you can share the bed with me’’ Adam smiled as he shifted over slightly, ‘’it may be a small but there’s still plenty of room for both of us, there’s no need to have you all aching tomorrow’’ Adam told him as he pulled the covers back and Tommy stared towards him. ‘’oh don’t worry, I wont jump you or anything, but I might end up cuddling you during the night, I seem to do that a lot in my sleep’’ Adam said with a slight frown, almost like he didn’t understand his own body._   
_‘’You won’t touch me like that?’’ Tommy asked and Adam frowned but nodded._   
_‘’I mean, I know you are drop dead gorgeous and totally my type but I know how to keep my hands to myself and not attack all the pretty boys I see, im not that kind of guy, I wouldn’t take anything unless it was offered to me’’ Adam shrugged before he sat back again, his expression a little distant, almost like he was hurt for Tommy thinking it. ‘’look T-J, im a good guy, I look out for people, I mother hen and Im affectionate, its who I am but I don’t go hurting people or molesting them’’_   
_‘’I trust you’’ Tommy found himself saying before he paused and looked between the armchair and the bed again before he started to slowly walk closer._   
_‘’If it makes you feel even better, I can put the spare pillows between us ‘’ Adam grinned out as Tommy nodded slightly as he lowered himself on to the bed and watched as Adam sat up again and started to move the white pillows in to the middle of the bed to create a wall between them._   
_‘’Sorry’’ He whispered before Adam looked up, blue eyes bright in the dim light as he shook his head with a smile,_   
_‘’don’t be’’ Adam told him as he turned around and turned the table lamp off so the TV was the only light source filling the room._   
_Laying down, Tommy pulled the covers up over his body before he turned on to his side and let his eyes close as he tucked his arms under the pillow, the sound of a low voice and soft breathing behind him, slowly luring him in to a soft sleep._

_By the time Tommy woke up again, bright sunlight was flooding in to the room from the curtain neither of them had closed, breathing out, he suddenly remembered his test results and turned to glance at Adam who was turned towards him, his arms wrapping around one of the pillows in between them as he hugged it to his chest just like he said he might ended up doing during the night._   
_Slipping out of bed and grabbing his clothes, Tommy headed back in to the bathroom and changed quickly before he found himself leaving the motel room, the slip in his hand before he found his way to the clinic and headed inside. Twenty minutes later, Tommy walked over to the front desk again when his name was called before taking the envelope and headed out, his brown eyes staring down as he started to walk back towards the motel again. Slipping back inside, Tommy glanced towards the bed to see Adam still sleeping to his relief, walking over to the table, Tommy pushed his laptop lid back up again as he sat down._   
_Taking a deep breath, he glanced towards the bed again for the hundredth time before he finally picked the envelope back up again from where he had put it down beside his laptop and turned it over, sliding his finger under the lip, he pulled it along until it was opened fully and pulled the single sheet of paper out, eyes scanning over it before he let a breath of relief out again as everything came back as clean and normal._   
_‘’What’s that?’’ Hearing the sleepy voice, Tommy jumped and folded it back up before shoving it in to his jacket pocket again before he turned to looked towards Adam as he’s he sat up and rubbed at his eyes._   
_‘’Nothing…it was nothing’’ Tommy told him before he turned around and started to shut his laptop down. ‘’but we should get going right if we want to get to San Diego before dark again.’’ He asked as Adam looked towards the clock and nodded._   
_‘’Yeah, let my just get dressed and pay the bill then we can get out of here’’_

_^V^_

_Leaving Fresno, they drove in silence for a while, the weight of being in the all clear keeping Tommy’s mood grounded before he turned to listen to Adam tell him the reason why he had been back on the other side of the golden gate bridge, he found out about Adam’s family and about how he only had one brother who was younger than him but a pain in the ass which made Tommy laugh slightly, the sound making Adam turn to look at him before he smiled warmly and turned back to the road again._   
_Tommy found out about Adam’s dreams of making it one day and how he had dropped out of college, Tommy told him only a few things about himself, his likes and dislikes before he felt comfortable with Adam, he was glad that he never seemed to ask for more information about his life, he told him how he was taken out of the private school for pissing on the statue, the story had Adam pulling over to wipe his eyes clear of tears from laughing too much, his head turning towards Tommy who just shrugged and grinned a little and set Adam off again. He told Adam about him loving to play baseball as a kid because it gave him a chance to let his aggression out, another thing Adam just looked at him but smiled and nodded, never asking why a seven year old boy would be so angry for. Adam told him about the pranks he used to pull on his brother and told him about the time he came out to his parents who told him that it was okay and that they already knew._   
_In between talking and comfortable stretches of silence, Tommy played his guitar and Adam sung, sometimes by themselves and sometimes finding something they both knew and played and sang together which had a smile on both of their faces._

_In between fighting about music tastes and what bands made the mark in the music history, Tommy slept and didn’t have a single nightmare before him and Adam paused every so often to get a coffee before they were back out on the road again, auguring about what station to listen too or who had seen the better singers live.  
By the time they had hit Bakersfield, Tommy had Adam pulling over before he climbed out and pretty much ordered Adam to let him drive so he could get some more sleep which he could see that he needed._

_Driving in silence for a while, a small comment here and there form Adam telling Tommy what road to take to get back on to the highway before he settled and quickly fell asleep like Tommy knew he had wanted to do for a while. Feeling comfortable, Tommy reached over and turned the radio station back over to what he had wanted to listen to and turned it down a little before he sat back again, fingertips tapping against the steering wheel before he pushed his indicators and pulled out in to another lane and flicked them off again._   
_Hearing a siren, Tommy glanced up in the rear view mirror to see the flash of cop lights behind and he cursed before he glanced along the road and started to pull over, a hand going to reach over to wake Adam up before he decided against it and pulled up until he stopped and watched as the officer pulled up behind.  Opening the window as he saw the officer climb out the car and start walking towards it, he turned the engine off and turned just as the officer leaned down and peered in to the car, his eyes scanning over the bag before pausing on Adam before they turned to Tommy._   
_‘’Problem officer’’ Tommy asked,_   
_‘’License and registration please’’ He told Tommy as he nodded and leaned back a little and slipped his wallet out where he pulled his drivers license out and handed it over._   
_‘’It’s not my car, its Adam’s’’ Tommy told him as he nodded towards Adam who was still sleeping, ‘’he was looking tired so I got him to pull over back in Bakersfield and let me drive’’ Tommy explained as the officer clipped his id to his chest pocket and started to write something down._   
_‘’Alaska, what are you doing down I California son?’’ The officer asked._   
_‘’Im looking for my family sir and visiting some friends’’ Tommy told him as he nodded,_   
_‘’I’ll be right back’’ The officer told him as he nodded and watched as he started to walk back to the cop car._

_‘’Why we stopped’’ Hearing Adam’s tired voice again, Tommy glanced over to see him pushing himself up slightly and rubbing at his eyes as he yawned again and turned to look towards Tommy._   
_‘’I might of got pulled over’’ Tommy told him sheepishly and Adam looked in to the rear view mirror before cursing himself._   
_‘’What for’’ He asked as Tommy shrugged._   
_‘’No idea, he just went back to the car with my license’’ Tommy told him before he brought his arm up and rested it against the car door and placed his thumb between his teeth slightly to worry on the skin._   
_Hearing footsteps return, Tommy turned to see the officer leaning down with a brief smile before he noticed Adam._   
_‘’Well hey there, I understand it’s your car, so license?’’ He asked as Adam nodded and reached in to the glove compartment where he grabbed his wallet and leaned over to hand it out the window. Watching as the officer checked it over before handing it back; he smiled again and pulled Tommy’s from his clip. ’’sorry for that Mr. Griffens, we just have to double check when we pull out of towner’s over’’ The officer spoke out as Tommy nodded and took his license back, ‘’just make sure to keep your speed down next time, I know how these roads are different from the ones up in Alaska so I’ll let you off this time but watch that speed, have a good day boys.’’ He said before he was walking away again._   
_‘’Fuck’’ Tommy laughed out as he slipped his ID back n to his wallet again and pushed it back in to his pocket, ‘’well that’s something new to add to the list of things I’ve never done before’’ He laughed as he glanced over at Adam who just shook his head with a smile and moved to lean back against the doo again. Pulling out carefully, Tommy glanced down at his speed before he glanced over at Adam to see him already looking, ‘’what’’_   
_‘’Nothing, you just intrigue me that’s all’’ Adam laughed out which had Tommy shaking his head with a smile as he slipped his glasses back down over his eyes again._   
_‘’How do I?’’ He asked._   
_‘’You act like you’ve never been to California before’’ Adam shrugged out,_   
_‘’I haven’t…well not since I was a baby, I was born here’’ Tommy shrugged out, the first piece of personal information he had giving Adam didn’t feel as nerve racking as he thought it might have been._   
_‘’Why did your parents move to Alaska for?’’ Adam asked before Tommy glanced over and back again, the silence falling between them as he pulled his lower lip between his teeth before letting it go again as he thought about when they finally get where they were going, that he was never going to see Adam again so he could let himself trust for once._   
_‘’They didn’t, I didn’t know my parents at all’’ Tommy started with a shrug ‘’I was put for adoption when I was a month old or so I was told, apparently the couple who fell in love with me took me in and back to Alaska where they lived but I wasn’t with them for long.’’ Tommy told him._   
_‘’Can I ask what happened?’’ Adam asked before Tommy glanced over with a smile._   
_‘’Sure. Umm, they were going out of town to visit one of their parents as they were ill, I was left with a neighbor, I must have been about a year and a half, maybe two years old when they were killed, their car slipped on some ice and over turned’’ Tommy shrugged,_   
_‘’Wow, how did you know that?’’ He asked as Tommy laughed softly,_   
_‘’When I turned eighteen, I asked for my foster file and it held information on all the families I had been with while growing up’’ Tommy shrugged again as he glanced down at his speed and slowed down again once he noticed how fast they were going._   
_‘’You said families, how many where there?’’ Adam asked quietly and Tommy paused, lips pressing together as he tried to remember, counting silently in his head before he rested his elbow on the doorframe and pushed his fingers through his hair._   
_‘’In total I think it was about eight different homes before I turned twelve, and then another four before I turned sixteen, I lived in foster care for a few years in between and then from my last home until I turned eighteen when I had to leave and move in to a half way house until I could find my own place’’ Tommy spoke out._

_Letting the silence settle between the two off them, Tommy glanced at road signs to find his way through streets and closer to San Diego before he felt the soft touch of Adam’s hand on the back of his neck, fingers rubbing softly before he glanced over._   
_‘’I don’t think I would’ve been able to cope with change like that at such a young age’’ He said softly as Tommy shrugged._   
_‘’I learnt to deal with it quickly; I learnt to never get attached to someone and to always have my bags packed and I learnt to never have to many things’’ He told Adam honestly before glancing over again, ‘’it’s the only way I survived, I learnt how to protect myself, to keep my heart on my sleeve even when it came to a family who seemed really nice’’ Turning back to the road again, Tommy felt glad for his sunglasses being over his eyes as he felt tears sting at them from talking about his past, the phantom memories making him breath out deeply as Adam pulled his touch away slowly._   
_‘’Im sorry for asking about it’’ Adam whispered softly as Tommy sent a smile in his direction._   
_‘’Don’t be, it’s not your fault’’ Tommy told him._

_^V^_

_Finally pulling in to the place Adam had directed him too, Tommy climbed out with him when a loud squeal of Adam’s name filled the air and they both turned to see someone running towards them before jumping on Adam, the guys arms and legs wrapping around his body before he pressed his lips to Adam’s which had Tommy chuckling to himself before he closed the door._   
_‘’It’s about time you got your ass here Adam’’ The guy spoke out before he dropped down and finally turned to see Tommy as his face fell. ‘’ooooo, you didn’t tell me you had a new man’’_   
_‘’Brad, this is T-J, I was just giving him a lift, im still single just like I was when I left’’ Adam laughed._   
_‘’Well…’’ Brad started as he walked around and let his eyes move over Tommy, ‘’im Brad as My Lanky said over there and it’s certainly a pleasure to meet you gorgeous.’’ Brad spoke out as Tommy grinned slightly._   
_‘’Down Brad, down’’ Adam called out as he walked around and opened the trunk, the same time Brad rolled his eyes and Tommy laughed._   
_‘’Nice to meet you too’’ He told him before Brad bounced around to the trunk and grabbed the box Adam handed to him before he was walking towards the house again._   
_‘’Can I ask you something T-J?’’ Adam asked again quietly as he stood beside the trunk and glanced towards him with a nod._   
_‘’Sure’’_   
_‘’Why did you tell me about the foster homes? I mean from the moment I picked you up back by golden gate, you seemed closed off but, I don’t know…it seemed like you don’t mind now, why’s that?’’ Adam asked and Tommy swallowed slightly as he started to take his own things out, his guitar going up over one shoulder before his bag over the over as he turned back to look at Adam again._   
_‘’I told you because I know I will never see you again’’ Tommy told him honestly, ‘’strangers do that, they trust because they know it wont matter at the end of the line’’ Pausing as Brad came bouncing out again, Tommy noticed the slight flash of hurt go across Adam’s face before it pulled back in to a bright smile again as he turned to Brad who was staring towards Tommy again._   
_‘’Oh and you play guitar, well why don’t you come inside and show us your magic’’ Brad asked with a flirty grin which had Tommy laughing softly,_   
_‘’Nah I can’t, thanks for the ride Adam, really I’ve taken too much of your time already and I should get going’’ Tommy spoke out as he shifted his things again and sent one last smile towards Adam, ‘’really, thanks for the ride, I would still be stuck half way back north if it wasn’t for you’’_   
_‘’You’re welcome and look after yourself alright’’ Adam said as Tommy smiled and nodded._   
_‘’Oh stop mother henning Adam’’ Brad sighed as he grabbed another box and smiled back towards Tommy. ‘’feel welcome to come back any time you fancy gorgeous’’ He winked._

_Walking away, Tommy couldn’t help but feel a heavy weight settle on his shoulders as he thought about the look Adam had on his face when he told him that he was never going to see him again, shaking it away slightly, Tommy glanced over his shoulder to see Adam stood by his car still, his head looking towards Tommy slightly before he raised a hand in a small wave with he returned before he turned back around and told himself not to look back, to keep walking and face whatever was going to come his way._


	2. It's....You!

** October 16th 2009 **

‘’How much longer do we have to sit here and go through countless people who are given me a headache’’ Adam groaned before laying flat forward on the large table in front of them, his arms pushed out in front as the others laughed. ‘’why did he have to go run out on us now of all times, yeah, sure he was a good player but such an asshole’’ Pushing his papers forward as he sat up, Adam glanced towards the clock before back again as Brian as he walked away from the door which had been closed behind the latest guy who had auditioned for them. ‘’and then that last guy…oh my ra, please someone shoot me’’ Adam groaned.  
‘’He wasn’t too bad Ad’s’’ Brian chuckled as he gave him a dry look,  
‘’He couldn’t get in tune with you and Isaac, he was the type of person to play just on his own, not as a band and he no where near fitted in with the family’s image’’ Adam complained as he pushed up to his feet and turned around.  
‘’If we are going to look for someone to fit in with the image of our family than we wont find anyone any time soon Adam, we have to find someone and soon before our show in three weeks time’’ Isaac joined in as he snagged two bottles of water of the table and held one out to Adam.  
‘’I know guys, I know but they have to be perfect…good attitude, a good player but most of all we all need to like them’’ Adam sighed as he twisted the cap open and took a mouthful, ‘’how many have we got left to go through?’’ He asked as Ashley moved some papers which were on the table still and looked through before a door opened somewhere.  
‘’Just two, both after lunch too which is a bonus’’ Ashley laughed out.  
‘’Sorry loves, you actually have three more, we just slipped in another one who turned up who we thought wasn’t here’’ Lane spoke out as she walked over and held some papers out towards Adam.  
‘’Thanks Lane, really, I love you so much’’ He grumbled as he placed the water bottle down on the table and took them from her, his eyes moving down to read across the information. ‘’T-J Ratliff’’ Adam muttered out before glancing through the rest of the details which seemed to be quite empty, ‘’are you sure he’s good, I mean Lane, half his details are missing, there’s no information about him apart from a phone number and a address.’’  
‘’Pretty sure, I’ve seen him out in the practice room, cute thing, quite quiet and is on his own’’ Lane smirked out before she was turning and heading back out again.  
‘’Alright, lets call it quits for a while’’ Adam groaned out as he dropped the papers back on to the table top again and turned to face the rest of the band.

‘’Alright, where are we heading out for lunch’’ Brian asked as they all grabbed the things they needed and started to head towards the doors which led out in to the room before Adam pulled his cap down over his head slightly.  
‘’I don’t care, just as long as it’s somewhere where I can get a salad’’ He spoke out which had them all laughing.  
‘’Really boss man, you need to get more than just greens in to that body of yours and don’t even say you’re on a diet because you are fine’’ Isaac grinned out at him which had him smirking.  
‘’I get more than just greens, I just really fancy a salad about now, I don’t really want to sit through the rest of the auditions feeling sluggish because I’ve eating a bunch of junk food during our hour lunch’’ Adam shrugged as they headed along the hall and away from the space and waiting room and towards a set of doors which opened out on to the main street.  
‘’I know this great little diner just a block away’’ Ashley piped up, ‘’they do anything and everything’’ She smiled which had the whole band nodding.  
‘’Alright baby girl, show us the way’’ Brian told her as he slung his arm over her shoulders.

_ ^V^ _

‘’No, all im saying is that Sophie has been hinting towards kids and that kind of scares me dude’’ Isaac spoke out before picking some more fries up, ‘’im too young for kids’’  
‘’Dude, you’re twenty-five, got married at twenty, how are you scared about kids?’’ Brian asked as Adam chuckled softly and watched his band mates talk across the booth from him.  
‘’We were young and in love and still in love,’’ Isaac argued, ‘’kids is another step and it scares me okay, more than marriage…I mean I want kids but I don’t want to give all this up.’’  
‘’You wouldn’t lose this Isaac’’ Ashley piped up from beside Adam. ‘’right Adam? I mean kids wouldn’t hold the band back’’  
‘’Of course not, I mean kids are always welcome on the tour once they are old enough and you know how I love them too’’ Adam grinned, ‘’I think you would make a great daddy drummer boy’’ Adam grinned out towards him.  
‘’Love you too boss man but im still scared as shit, I mean what do I tell her or even say about it, I mean she brings it up so carefully and it catches me of guard, just simple little things like awing at baby commercials or hinting towards pregnant girls and little kids around’’ Isaac shrugged out with a sigh.

‘’Alright, I guess we should start heading back again before Lane calls up us and moans for being late’’ Brian spoke out as Adam nodded in agreement just as his phone start ringing.  
‘’And that is Lane’’ Adam chuckled as he pulled his phone away from the table and looked at it. ‘’come on, just three more to go and we can all head home for a good well deserved rest before the call backs’’ Adam told them as he slipped out the booth.

_ ^V^ _

Tommy knew that he had only just managed to get there on the edge of time, maybe even a few minutes late yet the women still smiled at him and took his form with a quick glance, eyes frowning at the corners and he knew it was because of the lack of details about him, he wasn’t sure why they wanted his sexuality or even down to what kind of movies he enjoyed among other things.  
Pretty soon after he handed everything, Tommy had found a small practice room and moved inside, his guitar being taken out and plugged in to the small amp inside. He knew that he had about an hour until the band would be back from lunch and that there was two other people in front of him.

Thinking back to his apartment, Tommy knew that the few friends he had made in the past three years were worried about him staying there and that they made him stay at their house at least twice a week so they knew that he slept and had something warm to eat. He liked the emptiness of the apartment, he had just the basic stuff he needed to get by, like a bed and a couch, a few dishes in the cupboard and a TV sat on an upturned crate which was hardly ever used, Tommy didn’t need a lot of things, from growing up he was still used to only a few things and he still had a bag packed in the hallway closet ready.  
Since turning up in California three years ago, Tommy had often thought about Adam and the way he looked when he had walked away, Tommy also remembered the way he had stopped on the corner, hidden by a large bush and stared up to where they had parked up to see Adam leaning against the car before he had pushed away when his friend had come back out. He still couldn’t tell whether or not he regretted ever walking away from him or not. In between then and now, Tommy had managed to find out a little bit more about his birth family, took on their last name instead of Griffens like his last adoptive family who Tommy had spent near enough a year with.  
He was thankful for meeting Dave and Mike one night, they got to know each other and they invited him to stay with them for a while before a while turning in to an extra roommate for nearly three years until the job Tommy had gotten gave him enough money to buy his own. Clearing his thoughts away, Tommy looked up towards the door to see the same women who had taken his details moving away from the door before he swallowed slightly and dropped his eyes back down to his guitar again before he let his fingers strum over the strings slowly.

An hour later, Tommy found himself sat in the main waiting room of the auditions, the chairs around him all empty as he picked at his nail polish, he felt slightly foolish on the inside for coming today yet Mike had somehow wormed his way in to Tommy’s mind and got him to dress in his tightest pair of black jeans and the white T-shirt which he had forgotten he had brought a while back which still managed to fit him yet it was still a little tight under his leather jacket.  
‘’Mr. Ratliff they are ready for you now’’ Turning, Tommy looked up at a girl whose hair had a large smile, her hair bright red as he nodded slightly and stood, his hand grabbing his guitar case before he was turning and following the girl out of the main waiting room and through a few hallways before she started to slow down, following her steps through a set of doors and across a large room, Tommy let a sharp breath out which had the girl turning slightly to look at him, ‘’don’t worry, they are all nice and friendly’’ She grinned at him as Tommy raised his eyebrows and nodded slightly.  
Stopping outside a set of large oak doors, Tommy lightly chewed his lower lip in between his lips as she pushed the door open and held a hand up before slipping inside. Reaching up, Tommy slipped his hand up to his jacket and undone it fully before he ran his fingers through his hair. ‘’Alright, come on in and they will ask a few questions before asking you to play’’ The girl told him with a smile as he nodded. ‘’Good luck’’

Watching her walk away again, Tommy breathed out deeply before he took a step forward, his grip tighter on his guitar before he stepped through the door and pushed it closed behind him, running his fingers through his hair again, Tommy turned away and slowly took a step forward before his eyes raised up and he found himself freezing as his eyes met familiar blue ones which he never thought he would see ever again in front of him.  
He couldn’t get any words to form in his mind as he stared at him, his body rising from where he was sat despite the looks the others were giving him.  It had been three years since he had told Adam about his childhood because he never thought he would see him again yet there he was, right in front of him.   
Feeling the panic starting to rise up inside, Tommy slowly took a step back, his body starting to turn.  
‘’Please T-J…stay’’ Adam’s voice spoke out softly as Tommy swallowed, ‘’everything is still the same, nothing has changed’’ Turning slightly, Tommy peered through his hair at the soft expression, the same expression on his face from when he had walked away from him the first time. ‘’stay and play for me again…please’’ Nodding slowly before he could fully think about it, Tommy let the door handle go before he slowly turned back and walked further in to the room again, a flash of relief running across Adam’s face as he smiled towards him.  
‘’Okay, you can set up over here and seeming as boss man as somehow already heard you play, why don’t you go on and play for us’’ Another guy spoke out as Tommy looked away from Adam who still looked just as good as he did when he had last saw him.  
Placing his guitar case on the floor, Tommy glanced up through his hair again towards Adam before he dropped his eyes down to his case as he unhooked the locks again and pushed the lid up. Sliding the cloth away, Tommy ran his hand down the neck of his guitar before his fingers wrapped around it and he pulled it from its bed and grabbed his own wires, hooking the guitar strap up over his head and shoulder, Tommy let himself swing the guitar around so it rested against his back as he moved towards the amp and took out their cables before plugging his own in before grabbing his guitar and brought it back around where he connected the cables.  
‘’What’s the deal?’’ Someone whispered, the words catching Tommy’s ears as he kept his eyes on his guitar and made sure the cables were pushed in fully.  
‘’Nothing’’ A hushed whisper was said back.  
‘’Adam, you obviously know this guy, why didn’t you say anything when Lane gave you the paperwork’’ The same voice whispered as Tommy’s fingers strummed slightly to retune his guitar in.  
‘’Because…because I didn’t recognize the last name okay, it’s different from the last time I saw him, it’s changed’’ Adam’s voice whispered back as Tommy took a step back and slowly turned around.

Lifting his head slightly to look towards the band, Tommy found Adam already staring at him which hand him swallowing slightly and moving his hands to the guitar and gripped it slightly.  
‘’So T-J how old are you’’ A girl asked from beside Adam as his brown eyes moved to her, in his eyes, she was pretty as she smiled at him.  
‘’Twenty-six’’ Tommy told her as she smiled and nodded before looking towards the others,  
‘’I think you are the closest person to turn up today to our own ages’’ She grinned, ‘’im Ashley by the way’’ She laughed out.  
‘’What’s your thoughts on travelling, long nights and sleeping on a bus which would be constantly moving?’’ Another guy asked from the other side of Adam who had a small smile on his lips as he stared down at his paper.  
‘’Wouldn’t be a problem for me’’ Tommy told him as he nodded slightly, letting his eyes flash towards Adam, Tommy still didn’t know how to feel about the way he was watching him.  
‘’Alright, Isaac have you got any questions?’’ The guy asked as he leaned forward and turned to look down the table towards the guy beside Ashley who had told him to set up where he did.  
‘’Yeah just one I think’’ The guy, Isaac asked, ‘’your accent, it’s mixed, where were you born and where’d you grow up?’’ He asked which had Tommy tightening his grip on his guitar slightly more.  
‘’Born in the valley, but grew up around Alaska’’  
‘’Alaska…wow, what city?’’ The other guy asked before Adam sat forward a little.  
‘’Why don’t we stop asking T-J questions huh’’ Adam asked with a soft smile being flashed towards him, his words making Tommy relax slightly.  
‘’Okay, but one more’’ The other guy asked. ‘’what you going to play for us’’ He asked.  
‘’20th century boy’’ Tommy replied which had Adam’s head shooting up with a grin.  
‘’T-Rex or Velvet Goldmine’’ He asked before Tommy shook his head slightly.  
‘’Both and a little more’’ He spoke out which had Ashley laughing and Adam grinning widely.  
‘’Great’’ Adam grinned out before Tommy noticed his eyes flash down over him as he pulled the guitar back up and off his body again and rested it against the stool, pulling his jacket off and dropped it down over his case before moving back in to position again.  
‘’Ready when you are T-J’’ Ashley spoke out as he nodded and looked down at his guitar, his hair falling over his eyes slightly as he moved his fingers to the right strings.

Playing, Tommy let himself fall in to the same state of mind he always did when he played music, the cords and sounds making his mind fall away from everything which had happened in his life until there was nothing but the sweet melody, letting the sound change from the slightly rockish sound, he guided his fingers along the strings as they soothed over in to a more bluesy sound before taking it back again as he glanced up through his hair towards Adam who was sat back in his chair, arms over his chest and the same smile he gave Tommy the first time he had seen him in the car accept this time there was another look in them, more of wonder and relief before he sat forward again and dropped his eyes away from Tommy and down to his paper which he started to move around.  
‘’Alright’’ The Isaac guy spoke out as he clapped his hands together and Tommy’s eyes flicked over towards him, his hands laying flat over the strings and stopping the sound. ‘’I don’t know about the other guys but I think that was the best thing we have heard all day’’  
‘’I agree’’ Ashley chimed in ‘’and I see you are a man of tattoos too’ She spoke out before Tommy glanced down at his wrist to see that his sleeve had moved up to show a few marks of the tattoo on his wrist before he moved his other hand up to the sleeve of his top and tugged it back down again.  
He had slowly started to get quite a collection of tattoos on his arms and forearms yet he still didn’t like to show them off because of everything else. ‘’don’t need to be embarrassed by them dear, most of us have our own embarrassing ones’’ She smiled as he shook his head.  
‘’It’s not like that’’ He shrugged before moving his hand down towards the cables. ‘’are we done here?’’ He asked, the feeling of being caught in a corner slowly building up inside his chest before she turned to look towards Adam who he could see nodding out the corner of his eye.  
‘’We sure are, we’ll get in touch soon to let you know if you’ve made the call backs’’ The guy who Tommy still didn’t know the name of said as he nodded and pulled the cables out.

Turning away, Tommy quickly packed his gear away again before he was standing and tugging his jacket back on when he heard footsteps move closer to him before passing again. Grabbing his guitar, he slung it up on to his shoulder before turning only to stop when he noticed Adam stood in front of him with an hopeful expression on his face..  
‘’Can we talk?’’ He asked as Tommy breathed out.  
‘’There’s nothing to talk about Adam’’ He said quietly as Adam glanced down and back up again, hands pushing in to his pockets, ‘’we’re just strangers’’  
‘’You’re not a stranger, we’ve met before’’  
‘’Yeah once upon a dream, just forget it’’ Tommy breathed out before he was stepping around Adam and heading towards the doors.  
‘’T-J wait, please’’ Adam called out as he heard his footsteps following him out, ‘’I know you never expected to see me again and life isn’t fair by throwing you a curve ball like this. But please just lets talk, I’ve never spoken about what you told me to anyone ever and I never will while im breathing.’’ He breathed out as Tommy turned to stare at him.  
‘’Look, we met once three years ago, spent about twenty-six hours together in a car, forget it Adam, forget about me, im sure there was other guitar players better than me today, if I had known it was your band I wouldn’t of turned up today okay’’ Tommy told him. ‘’what I had told you was because you was a stranger, just another face of many I had seen while getting here and I only told you because I thought I would never see you again and god I hoped to hell that I would never bump in to you on the street in some city’’ Tommy spoke out as his heart raced against his chest, most of what he had said had been the truth but somewhere in the back of his mind, it was screaming at him that he was a liar and that he had always hoped that he would bump in to Adam one day.  
‘’You can trust me T-J, I promise you that, I wouldn’t lie to you and I know life hasn’t been fair to you’’ Adam whispered as Tommy laughed.  
‘’Everyone lie’s Adam,  to be fair, life isn’t fair and its full of lies and contradictions which we will never understand but I do understand this…that today was a mistake and I hope that you find someone to play band with you because I can’t take that risk again, I can’t have promises made to me…not any more, im tired of them being broken and me ending up being hurt again, so im sorry for wasting your time Adam’’ Tommy told him as he started to turn, only to stop by a wrist grabbing his own which had him freezing quickly, different memories of being a kid flashing across his mind before fading away again.  
‘’Please T-J’’ Adam whispered as he moved closer and slowly pushed something in to his jacket pocket carefully, ‘’just call me if you ever need something or you need some help, any time of day or night I will be there…even if it’s just another lift, I’ll take you wherever you want to go for nothing’’ He whispered before letting his wrist go.

_ ^V^ _

Watching him walk away again, Adam let a deep breath out as his mind ran over time, he still couldn’t believe the shock he had gotten when he had walked in to the room and looked up, those same brown eyes he had always remembered was finally back in front of him again, he had often dreamt about T-J and where he had gotten too in the years which had went past, their short journey together had always been a memory he had loved and remembered.  
Slipping his hand in to his pocket, Adam let his fingers curl around the small piece of plastic which was there, the memory of finding it on the floor of his front seat a few days after T-J had walked away from him, the same time the memory making his heart ache slightly for the blonde guy he had grown quite fond off in that short amount of time, he knew it had been stupid to keep the guitar pick but it was something of their time together and the way he had slowly opened up a little to Adam on the drive, he knew that their paths crossing again would be a chance of a life time and that it may not of ever happen again but it had and Adam found himself smiling softly to himself before he was  jumping as he felt a strong hand slide on to his shoulder and squeeze slightly.  
‘’What was that all about?’’ Brian asked before Adam shook his head.  
‘’It was nothing, don’t worry about it’’  
‘’Well I do because he has been the only person today who fits in to everything and we can’t hire him if you two have a bad history together’’ He told Adam softly as he shook his head again.  
‘’We don’t have a history, I just gave him a lift once…a long time ago’’ Adam whispered out before he turned to look at his musical director, ‘’you really think he’s the only one?’’  
‘’The best’’ Brian told him as he nodded and turned back to look down the empty hallway again.  
‘’Alright…I guess you should phone him and ask him to come back for the call back on the 18th’’ Adam told him as he smiled and nodded. ‘’although he may not be happy about it but I think deep down inside this gig is something which he needs more than he’s willing to let on’’  
‘’I’ll make the phone call later on once we have picked a few more of the other guitarist’s too’’ Brian grinned before squeezing Adam’s shoulder again. ‘’Come on, lets get busy so we can all go home’’ He teased which had Adam grinning and nodded before they both turned and headed inside the room again to find Isaac and Ashley sat on the floor with bits of paper all around them.

_ ^V^ _

Sitting up, Adam groaned slightly as his lower back ached from leaning over the paper which was on the floor still, three piles which still seemed to be a big mess to him but to Ashley it wasn’t.  
‘’Alright, this pile is the no’s’’ She spoke out before grabbing the pile closest to Isaac and moved them out of their small circle.  
‘’And these’s are the maybe’s and the reserves if that yes pile falls through badly’’ Brian spoke out as he tapped another pile.  
‘’And what about T-J’’ Isaac asked which had everyone looking towards him, ‘’come on guys, you have to say it yourselves, he was the best we’ve had all day and even yesterday’’  
‘’I guess you are right, Adam you said you’ve heard him play before when was that?’’ Ashley asked as he breathed out a little.  
‘’im not going to say much because I promised him but three years ago we met briefly, I gave him a lift and he had an acoustic guitar with him and he played it a few times’’ Adam shrugged out. ‘’I thought he was good back then but today was the first time I’ve heard him play an electric like he did’’  
‘’What’s his story anyway? He didn’t seem to talk much and he looked ready to bolt from the room the moment Brian asked him what city he grew up in’’ Ashley asked as Adam sighed and moved to lean against his knees.  
‘’Guy’s look, im not saying anything about him okay, I made him a promise back then and I made him another one today that I still wouldn’t ever tell anyone anything he told me, all you need to know is that he’s a good guy and like Isaac said, he’s the best we’ve heard but its not going to be easy to get him back again.’’

_ ^V^ _

** October 18th 2009 **

 

‘’Put it on speaker’’

‘’Shut up Isaac’’

‘’Shut up yourself Ashley’’

‘’Guys’’

‘’Shhh it’s ringing’’

‘’Hello’’   A voice came through the line before Brian cleared his throat slightly.  
‘’Hi, im Brian London and I’m calling to speak to a T-J Ratliff in regards to a call back which he never turned up too today and I was wondering if he was still interested in the audition slot.’’ Brian spoke towards the phone he was holding out in between them all before there was loud laughter.  
‘’Sorry…this is Mike a friend of T-J’s’’ The voice spoke out as the background noise grew quiet. ‘’did you say a call back?’’  
‘’Yes, we called him on the 16th with the details of the call back audition time today and he never showed up, normally we don’t phone up in regards but he was one of the best talents which we had heard and we were just hoping that he would’ve turned up today again.’’  
‘’That fucking lying bastard’’ Mike’s voice growled out on the other end as Brian looked towards Adam.  
‘’Is there something wrong?’’ Brian asked before there was a slight chuckle.  
‘’No…no there isn’t anything wrong, are you sure you called him back for a call back, he told us that you were calling to say that he didn’t get one’’  
‘’Im pretty sure, we made the choice of having him back the moment he started playing for us, his skills are something which we would love to work with and possible evolve in to a contract with the band.’’  
‘’Alright…umm, hold on, I’ll just try and find him’’ Mike called out as Brian looked towards the others as background noise sounded up loudly again.

‘’He lied to his friends’’ Isaac whispered across the small space which earned a slap from Ashley who was sat next to him.  
‘’Shut up stupid’’ She hissed towards him as Brian just grinned and shook his head.  
‘’I said it wouldn’t be easy’’ Adam whispered towards Brian as he frowned and nodded slightly.

‘’Hey T-J you fucking asshole’’ Hearing the faint shout, they all looked back towards the phone as Brian grinned slightly. ‘’there’s a phone call for you…something about missing your so called not call back today’’ Hearing silence at first, Adam leaned closer to his musical director to look at the screen to check that the phone call was still connected. ‘’Hi…are you still there?’’ The same voice asked.  
‘’We are indeed’’ Brian told him.  
‘’Good, the asshole you want for the band is here’’ Hearing the slight scuffle of a phone being handed about, Adam bit at his lower lip slightly before letting go again.  
‘’Is he there?’’ T-J’s voice came across the line scratchy slightly,  
‘’If you mean Adam and then yes he is’’ Brian spoke out as he glanced towards him.  
‘’Good put him on the line’’ He spoke out as Brian nodded and handed the phone over towards Adam who took it slowly.  
‘’You missed-‘’  
‘’I told you not to call me back Adam…what part of forgetting everything didn’t you understand?’’ He asked as Adam swallowed slightly.  
‘’You were our best T-J and we want you-‘’  
‘’No…I didn’t turn up today because I can’t handle being around someone who knows half my story…I just…I just can’t okay, I can’t take that risk again’’  
‘’Hey T-J, listen you were the top of our pile who we called back and we want you in the band dude, so just come back and just play a few songs which we want you to play and then if you still want to walk away then you can, we wont try and stop you’’ Ashley spoke out quickly before silence took over and Adam breathed out.  
‘’Fine…I’ll be there in about an hour and half’’ T-J spoke out before the line was cut off and Adam handed the phone back out towards Brian.

‘’So…that went well and what do you think he meant by that, that he can’t take the risk again and that you know half his story?’’ Isaac asked towards Adam who just sighed.  
‘’I made a promise and im not going to break his trust…even if he doesn’t believe I will keep it’’ Adam spoke out as he pushed himself up. ‘’come on, if he’s going to turn up, we might as well get everything else set up again.’’

_ ^V^ _

‘’So why’d you lie to us?’’ Mike asked as he glanced over towards Tommy who was staring out the window as he drove. ‘’I mean what’s so bad about getting a call back, I know how much you have been wanting to get out of that rat cage which you call a day job’’  
‘’Look Mike can we just not? I mean one of the guys I kind of know from when I first arrived in California and I told him a few things because I never thought I would see him again’’ Tommy shrugged out before he turned back to the window again and watched as the city drove past.  
‘’Alright but are you sure you’re okay T-J, you seem kind of nervous and jumpy lately, always watching over your shoulder like you have been getting followed’’  
‘’Im fine, just tired, that’s all’’ He sighed as he turned back to look towards his friend, ‘’haven’t been sleeping good again you know how its like’’  
‘’I do indeed, im just glad I don’t have to be woken up to you playing something’’ Mike grinned as Tommy laughed slightly.

Driving the rest of the way in silence, Tommy let himself breath out slightly as Mike pulled in to the small car park of the place they had been holding the auditions and the call backs before he slowly pulled to a stop and turned towards him.  
‘’Alright, remember, just give me a ring if you need out or something dude, I won’t be too far away’’ Mike told him as he turned to look at him with a smile.  
‘’I know and thanks, but im sure I wont need you on speed dial but the offer still stands in case’’ Tommy told him as he started to unbuckle his seatbelt before pushing the door open. Climbing out, Tommy leaned back in and took his guitar case from Mike as he passed it through from the back seat.  
‘’Alright, go kill them man’’ H e laughed as Tommy closed the door, ‘’and T-J’’  
‘’Yeah’’  
‘’Happy birthday dude’’  
‘’Thanks again man. Ill be around again later so save me some cake’’ Tommy teased before he was stepping away and watching Mike pull back out before driving out of view.


	3. Flashbacks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So yeah...I don't really like this chapter

* * *

** October 18th 2009  **

‘’He’s here’’ Hearing Isaac’s voice call out as he came running in to the room, all heads turned towards him to see a large grin on his face which had Adam shaking his head slightly.  
‘’Well is anyone going to go greet him?’’ Ashley called out as eyes moved around and looked at each other before she muttered under her breath and was walking out the room as Brian moved closer to Adam.  
‘’You sure you wanna be here for this man?’’ He asked quietly as Adam shrugged a little.  
‘’A little late for that now really if you think about it, he’s already here and he knew I was here anyway with the phone call’ Adam told him and moved away from where he had been looking through the possible yes’s from earlier that day.

Hearing Ashley’s voice near the door’s Adam breathed out slightly and slowly looked up as she walked back in and he noticed T-J step in behind her, swallowing slightly, Adam took in the tighter than tight jeans he had on before his eyes moved up to the black button up shirt underneath his jacket before his eyes finally landed on his face which was looking around the room before settling on Adam and were gone again just as quickly as he turned towards Isaac who had bounced over to him and took his guitar before nodding towards where Brian was stood at the keys again.  
‘’Alright, I know its really short notice but we were hoping that you would try and play a couple of these songs for us and then maybe we can try one or two of them together as a whole band to see how your sound fits in with us as we never done it the first time’’ Brian spoke out as he shuffled through some papers and handed them over to Tommy who took it and glanced down with a nod.  
Blue eyes stayed on the blonde as he moved away from them, his guitar back over his shoulder again as he moved towards one of the stools and pulled one next to the other as he rested his case over it and placed the paper on top as his hands went to his jacket.  
‘’Dude you look like you were at some function type thing’’ Isaac laughed out as T-J’s head shot up towards him before he shrugged.  
‘’Was at a birthday party’’ Was all he said before Adam’s attention was turned to Ashley as she slapped his arm.  
‘’Be nice and stop staring at him, I know he’s your type but down boy’’ She hissed out which caused him to smirk slightly.  
‘’Honey, you say that about almost anyone’’ He reminded her as she rolled her eyes and joined Adam in watching the blonde as he fiddled with his shirt sleeves a little before undoing his case, the papers between his teeth as he pulled his guitar out. ‘’long sleeves are hard to play in and a shirt is harder’’ She whispered as Adam looked at her and shrugged.  
‘’Each to their own sweetheart’’ He told her before pressing a kiss against her temple and was moving off across the room.  
‘’Adam…hey, where are you going’’ Turning to look towards Brian, Adam shrugged slightly,  
‘’Coffee I guess, I mean you guys don’t need me at the moment so I thought I would get out of your hair’’ Adam told them, his eyes flickering over towards T-J to see him sat on the floor, his upper body bent over the guitar slightly as he skimmed another finger down the pages of paper in front of him before moving back to the guitar strings again. ‘’unless you need me here’’  
‘’Nah it’s fine, we can get some stuff done without you but you still need to be here to go over the finale choices later on’’ Brian told him as he nodded and turned back to the table he was walking towards. Picking his phone and wallet up, Adam pushed them in to his pockets before he was grabbing his jacket and was walking out the large double doors. The weight of eyes on his back as he walked made him shiver.

_ ^V^ _

Sitting in the back of the nearest starbucks, Adam stared out over the store at everyone coming in and out again with their drinks, laughing and smiling together or alone before he sighed and looked back down to his own drink which was nearly gone. He wanted to get to know T-J even more than he already had and he couldn’t help but remember the things he had told him about himself. He still didn’t know how anyone could go through that many homes as a child and be as strong as T-J was. Adam could see some small cracks in his whole armor when certain things came around like the way he had notice him tense slightly when he was asked about Alaska.  
He still wanted to pull him in to his arms and hug him until everything in the world was right again, be he knew he couldn’t, T-J had made it pretty clear that he didn’t want Adam to be anything in his life.

Jumping as he heard the ring of his phone, Adam turned and looked down at the table to see Ashley’s name and number flashing across the screen, realizing that he’s probably been gone longer than he should’ve, Adam picked it up, thumb sliding across the cold glass before lifting it to his ear.  
‘’Yeah, im on my way back now’’ He spoke out before picking his coffee up and finished it off.  
‘’Well good for you diva, you may want to know that the boys…well Brian is demanding that you might as well bring back coffee for everyone seeming you have been gone for nearly two hours and that they have run through every song that they have sheet music for with T-J’’ Ashley spoke out, his blue eyes glancing around the room before back down again.  
‘’Normal orders’’ He asked as she laughed bitterly.  
‘’Congratulations, and once you have gotten back to the real world, there is a matter of picking out the guitarist we need because not to dampen your mood in wonderland, we do have a show in about three weeks which we need to start rehearsing for.’’ Hearing the phone call end, Adam pulled it away from his ear and stared down at the screen before pushing it away in to his pocket and heading back to the counter again.

_ ^V^ _

Balancing the drink tray in his hand and across his wrist, Adam nudged the door open wider with his elbow, his teeth clenched around the paper bag full of cookies.  
‘’Oh thank god’’ Isaac called out as the bag was pulled from his mouth and the tray of drinks taking from his hand, leaving him stood there with wide eyes.  
‘’Yeah, sure, thanks for the coffee Adam, and not to mention cookies because you thought we might have been hungry’’ Adam grumbled out as he moved back across the room and ignored the laugher which echoed around the room.  
‘’Oh stop being such a diva Adam’’ Ashley grinned out as she walked over with the cookie bag and handed it over with a kiss to his cheek. ‘’thank you for both cookies and coffee’’ She smiled as he grumbled to himself and sipped at his coffee.

Dropping his keys and phone on to the table again, Adam sipped at his coffee and turned to look around the room, watching as Brian and Isaac stood talking to each other before their glazes kept turning to look across the room where Adam slowly turned to see Tommy sat on one of the stools beside his case which had multiply sheets on paper, the cables connecting his guitar to the amp still and headphones over his ears as he played something to himself, his eyes closed.  
‘’He’s been like that for at least half an hour’’ Ashley whispered to him as she saddled up beside him, a grin on her lips as she held another cup up. ‘’go take it to him, get him to have a mall break, he hasn’t stopped playing’’ She told him as he turned to look at her before down to the coffee.  
‘’He doesn’t want to talk to me Ashley’’ He whispered back s he turned his eyes back to watch Tommy as he paused just long enough to move a piece of paper before strumming again.  
‘’Just go Adam, make peace’’ She told him before grabbing his hand and pushing the coffee cup in to it.

Groaning slightly, Adam glanced towards the other two to see them talking before he glanced back to Ashley who nodded towards T-J, ‘’Fine, fine I’ll go’’ Adam muttered out as he turned and started to walk towards him slowly. Watching as his shoulder moved with each string he plucked at, Adam took a deep breath before moving around in front of him and carefully placed the coffee cup down on the small space of stool beside his case. Looking up at T-J at the same time as his brown eyes raised, Adam watched as he moved his hand up to the headphones and pushed them back of his head.  
‘’Um, thanks I guess’’ He said softly as Adam nodded slightly and gave him a small smile.  
‘’The guys called and moaned about coffee and I wasn’t sure what or how you like your coffee so I, umm, just got the same as mine’’ He told him quietly as T-J nodded slightly. ‘’there’s cookies too if you wanted one’’ Adam told him as T-J stared at him and then towards the table where Adam pointed.  
‘’Nah it’s alright, I’ve already eating today.’’  
‘’The birthday party…right, whose was it?’’ Adam asked.  
‘’Hey boss man, Brian needs you with something’’ Turning towards Isaac, Adam sighed before glancing back at T-J who shrugged.  
‘’Go, I need to get packed up and everything anyway’’ He told him before Adam frowned.  
‘’Packed up, what about playing as a band?’’ He asked as T-J shifted on the stool slightly, his long fingers curling around the coffee cup and picking it up as he shrugged.  
‘’We done that, Brian said that they didn’t really need you in the end’’ He was told as he nodded.  
‘’Adam’’  
‘’Im coming, hold on’’ He called back before turning back to T-J to see him slowly sipping at the coffee, ‘’look…can I, Uhh can I give you a lift anywhere? I mean if you needed one?’’ He stuttered out as brown eyes moved back to his own.  
‘’Im fine, I can get a lift’’ T-J told him as he nodded slightly and looked down at his own cup before up again and across the room to see both Brian and Isaac staring at him, ‘’you should go to them’’

_ ^V^ _

God, Tommy wanted to be back in a car with Adam so much like they had when they first met, it was the first time since the old truck driver that he felt so alive and care free, but at the same time he was scared of getting closer to Adam again in case more of his past had come to light. It was just bad enough to be his birthday and not telling them as he sighed and watched Adam walk across the room, a small look being thrown over his shoulder towards him before he was moving closer to the other two again.  
‘’God, how can you wear long sleeves?’’ Jumping slightly, Tommy turned to see Ashley stood beside his case watching him as he swallowed slightly and wiped at his chin where he felt a small bit of coffee roll down.  
‘’Kind of used to it, I guess’’ He told her with a small shrug as he reached over to unplug the headphones before his guitar cables.  
‘’I like you T-J…there’s just something about you which makes you stand out and I like that. I really hope that the guys pick you because we need someone like you in the family…hell I need someone like you in the family’’ She told him with a large grin which made him frown.  
‘’I don’t understand’’  
‘’Babe, you are adorable and mysterious, everything a girl loves’’ She grinned, ‘’you image fits in with us all perfectly and if they pick you then the next band rehearsal will be with everyone else which includes, Johnny and Terrance…the dancers’’ He was told as he frowned. ‘’they will fawn over you so much, but then saying that, every girl who sees you should, you’re pretty’’ Hearing her call him pretty, Tommy shivered slightly and pulled his eyes away from her as he set the coffee down out the way again and pulled the guitar up over his head and started to pack everything away quickly again before some of the memories came back and he swallowed slightly.  
‘’Is there a bathroom around somewhere close?’’ He asked as he felt his stomach turn slightly and she nodded before pointing towards a side door which he turned towards and quickly ran towards and out.

Looking around with frantic eyes, Tommy could feel the bitter taste start to rise up in his throat before he saw the sign for the bathrooms and crashed through the door and in to the men’s before he was finding himself knelt on the hard ground, his stomach heaving the small amount of food he had eaten today up in to the porcelain bowl as the memories crowed through his mind in loud noises and harsh colors. Arm rested across the top and forehead pressed to his sleeve, Tommy closed his eyes and took large breaths before he was slowly sitting up and grabbing some tissue and wiping his mouth before everything was being flushed away and he dropped back against the side of the cubical.  
Running his fingers through his hair, Tommy swallowed slightly as his fingers numbly attacked the buttons on his shirt sleeves and managed to push them through the small hole before he was pushing his sleeves up, the cool air rushing at his heated skin as he repeated the same thing with his other arm and rested his head back against the wall with a heavy thud.

_‘’Oh aren’t you just a pretty little thing’’ The guy’s voice spoke out as he pulled up beside Tommy on the side road._   
_‘’You heading anywhere south’’ Tommy asked while ignoring the question and the shine in the guys eyes, just putting it down to the sunlight shining in the car windows._   
_‘’For you im going anywhere you want’’ He winked out as Tommy nodded and walked around to the trunk, his hands opening it wider and putting his things inside before he was back around and sliding in to the passenger’s side. ‘’im Greg’’_   
_‘’T-J’’ Tommy told him as he started to drive._

Breathing out, Tommy stared at the opposite wall, he hated that a simple thing like being called pretty by a girl was affecting him so much.

_‘’T-J’’ The slight groan which followed his name slowly brought him out of a groggily state of sleep, the rocking of his body confusing him slightly before there was a sharp shoot of pain up his spine and the harsh grunt above him had him opening his eyes to see Greg above him. ‘’so fucking pretty boy, prettier than a girl’’ Greg was muttering as Tommy suddenly realized what was happening, his body cramped before he was struggling and catching the guy by surprise as he was pushed back. ‘’what the fuck, you should be out of it still’’ He yelled before leaning in through the open car door. Scrambling back, Tommy took a look around to see a deserted road, his things thrown on the side before he was pulling his pants back up and cursed himself for not having his jacket on as the rough stones were scrapping at his back and bear arms.  
Seeing Greg coming towards him, something in his hand which Tommy couldn’t really make out in the shadows of the car in the night, he kicked out and caught Greg in the groin before he was pushing himself to his feet and ignoring the stabbing pain again as he made his run towards his things, only to be caught by the ankle and tripped up when something sliced against his side. Crying out in pain slightly, Tommy turned over on to his back and kicked at the guy again, his boot connecting with the guys jaw which had him howling out in pain and Tommy turning and scrambling to his feet and things which he threw over his shoulders before running off down the road despite the paint._

Turning quickly, Tommy was leaning back over the toilet bowl again, an arm wrapped around his waist tightly as he heaved up whatever else was in his stomach, the pain of the memory both physically and mentally hurting as he felt the burn in both his throat and eyes.  
‘’T-J’’ Hearing a voice calling out gently, he struggled to move away just long enough to pull one of his sleeves back down when footsteps moved closer behind him. ‘’oh shit, honey’’ Grabbing at the tissue again, Tommy wiped his mouth of once again before he was falling back against the wall, eyes half closed as Ashley’s shoes clipped against the tiled flooring louder as she moved closer.  
Feeling fingertips skim over his arm, he jerked back suddenly, eyes open before he was pulling his sleeve back down to cover the scars over his skin as he stared at her. Tommy could see it in her eyes that she had seen how many were there and now probably knew why he wore long sleeves.  
‘’I didn’t do all of them’’ He muttered flimsily as her brow creased slightly before her head turned towards the door as more footsteps echoed. Watching as she stood again and disappeared, Tommy closed his eyes and tried to calm his breathing, he knew it was just a memory and that memories couldn’t hurt him anymore but at the same time, it had been a shock for it to come back after so long.  
‘’Out now’’ Ashley’s voice called out, ‘’no I don’t care if he’s one of you boys and in the men’s, I said out’’ She called out to whoever it was again before a door was slammed and her footsteps came back closer to him, her touch light against his cheek as she sighed, ‘’What’s going on T-J what happened to get them all?’’ She asked quietly before he was opening his eyes to see the worry etched all over her face.  
‘’Nothing’’ He muttered as he pulled his legs closer and tilted his head back again, eyes closing when he felt her start to push his sleeve up before the other.  
‘’T-J’’ She gasped and he swallowed. ‘’honey what did you mean by you didn’t do them all?’’ She asked softly as he slowly turned to look at her.  
‘’What it sounds like’’ He shrugged out, his stomach still jumping around as he breathed out. ‘’I self harmed for a while and others I’ve just gathered’’ He shrugged, his heart fast against his chest, ‘’I don’t want to talk about it’’ He told her as he started to push himself up on to his feet.

_ ^V^ _

‘’T-bone’’ mike’s laughing voice echoed loudly over the line as Tommy leaned against the wall, a bottle of water in his other hand as he slowly slipped down and breathed out.  
‘’Mike’’ He muttered out as the laughter quickly died down.  
‘’Shit dude…are you okay…did one of your flash backs happen…memory?’’ He asked quickly, he had told his roommates of his memories flashbacks sometimes, just never of what they were but just of how bad they could’ve gotten sometimes and what to do if one happened.  
‘’Uhh…yeah one happened’’ He whispered out, his throat was sore from throwing up. Raising the bottle to his lips, Tommy took a small sip before placing it down beside him as he noticed his hands shaking slightly.  
‘’Fuck…okay, um…are you still at the audition place?’’ Mike asked.  
‘’Yeah’’  
‘’How bad was it…was it a bad, bad one or a mild bad…fuck dude, I should’ve stayed with you’’ Mike cursed out as Tommy heard him moving around,  
‘’Dude it wasn’t your fault, wasn’t to know it would happen, they don’t really let me know in advance and it was a bad one I guess’’ Tommy muttered out in to his phone quietly, he knew that Adam was watching him, he could feel the weight of his stare as he breathed out shakily.  
‘’Okay…okay…um shit, are you near you guitar case?’’ Mike asked as Tommy frowned and glanced towards the stools.  
‘’Kind of, why’’ He asked.  
‘’I put a spare bottle of your anxiety tables in there in case of emergencies like these and we aren’t around’’ Mike told him and that had Tommy silently thanking god for the best friends he could’ve asked for. Grabbing his water, Tommy pushed to his feet and slowly walked towards his case where he jammed his phone between his ear and shoulder before pushing it open.  
‘’Where abouts are they’’ He asked as he started to check a few pockets.  
‘’The small pocket on the left, the one with your Jimi Hendrix patch over’’ Mike told him through the phone when he heard a car door slam and then the sound of an engine.  
‘’You are a babe Mike really,’’ Tommy told him as he reached in and pulled the bottle out, pushing the cap open he shook two out on to his guitar before placing them on his tongue and washed them back with a gulp of water, eyes closed as he swallowed.  
‘’I know T-J, just hold on I’ll be with you in about ten minutes, think you can hold on that long?’’ Mike asked as Tommy opened his eyes and replaced the lid on the bottle again.  
‘’Yeah…yeah I can hold on that, is everyone still back there?’’ He asked.  
‘’Yeah I think so’’ Mike’s voice echoed out from where he had put Tommy on loud speaker.  
‘’Shit…okay just take me back to my place’’  
‘’T-J you-‘’  
‘’I know you don’t like me being on my own when this happens but Mike I need to okay’’ Tommy told him. ‘’I just need to be alone, I just can be around…be around’’ He stuttered out before he gripped the side of his case as small memories flashed.  
‘’T-j dude hold on, im nearly there’’ Mike’s voice called out before he felt a small hand slide over his and he let his eyes open to see Ashley beside him.  
‘’Im okay…ill meet you outside’’ Tommy told him softly before he hanged up and dropped his phone on to his guitar.

Feeling the weight of the stares of everyone, Tommy squeezed his eyes shut and counted to ten before opening them again and started to lock his guitar case back up again., his hands still shaking enough for Ashley to take over before squeezing his hand again.  
‘’Come on, I’ll carry it out for you’’ She told him as he nodded slightly and grabbed his jacket and the bottle of water again.  
‘’Ashley we need to sort everything out’’ Brian’s voice called out as Tommy glanced up through his hair slightly to see him stood beside the other two, Adam’s eyes on him directly which had him swallowing slightly and looking back down again.  
‘’Well yeah, but to be honest Brian, that can wait, im going to make sure everything here is sorted first okay, T-J is going to head home with his friend and get some rest which he needs and im going to make sure that happens and I will be back when im back’’ Ashley spoke out before grabbing his hand and pulling him out the room.


	4. Inter - Change

‘’Now are you sure’’ Mike asked Tommy as he pulled up outside the apartment complex where he was moving in too and nodded.   
‘’Im sure’’ He muttered out before the back door of the car opened and closed as Ashley climbed out, he was still slightly pissed off that she wouldn’t take no as an answer and demanded that she came back with him until she felt like he was okay in her eyes.  
‘’Damn that girls got balls to back chat you’’ Mike teased as he nudged Tommy, turning to look at him, he rolled his eyes slightly before climbing out of the car to see that Ashley had already gotten his guitar out the trunk and was standing with it on her back and staring up at the building.  
‘’Im fine now, just get Mike to drive you back to the others’’ Tommy told her as she turned and furrowed her eyes towards him.   
‘’No im staying’’ She told him as he groaned slightly.   
‘’Look I don’t need looking after okay, im old enough to look after myself’’ He told her as she shrugged slightly and turned towards the building lobby.   
‘’Apartment 143, floor two’’ Mike called out as Tommy spun around to glare towards him.   
‘’Not helping dude’’ He told him before Tommy was moving around and heading after Ashley who had already disappeared from his sight as he moved through the main doors and gave a slight nod towards the guard, taking a few steps further, he noticed her by the elevators as he sighed. ‘’come on Ashley, im fine okay, I don’t need anyone looking after me, so just go back to the others, im sure that they will need your help to pick a guy out for your band’’ Tommy called out to her as he got closer to her and she turned to look at him.  
‘’Honey, im sure those three are big enough to handle themselves, unless I get a phone call from Isaac saying that he’s dying because he has gotten another paper cut, im all yours until I know your not going to black out or something’’

Breathing out, Tommy squeezed his hands in to fists as he moved closer and held his hand out. ‘’Just give me my guitar and get out of here, I don’t need any help okay’’ Tommy breathed out as the elevator doors opened.   
‘’T-J – ‘’  
‘’No Ashley, just stop trying to force your way in to my life okay’’ He half yelled before he swallowed and glanced down towards the floor, ‘’look…I…im sorry for yelling’’ Tommy breathed out before rubbing his hand across his forehead. ‘’I just don’t get on with people trying to get in to my life when I haven’t known them long’’ He whispered out slightly softer as his eyes moved back up to look at her to see a gentle expression on her face.  
‘’It’s okay T-J okay’’ She said softly as she moved closer and laid her hands on his shoulders and gently squeezed them, ‘’just let me come up to your front door and then I will leave’’ She told him as he sighed slightly and nodded in defeat at the same time as a large smile appeared on her face and she bounced off in to the elevators.   
‘’Trouble with your girl’’ The guard asked and Tommy jumped slightly before turning to see him closer and he probably knew it was because he had yelled at her.  
‘’God no…I hardly know her…she’s the bass player of a band I auditioned for’’ Tommy shrugged, ‘’had one of my panic attacks’’ He muttered as a small blush started to creep up  
‘’Just press the bell if you get another one T-J, you know we had that buzzer built in specially at your ask and I know Mike is on the speed dial’’ The guard said as Tommy smiled softly and nodded.   
‘’Thanks’’ He told him.

Standing in the elevator beside Ashley in silence, Tommy pushed his hands in to the front pockets of his jeans, his body leaning back against the wall as Ashley stood beside him, his guitar still over her shoulder.  He wanted to say sorry to her again about yelling but there was something in the back of his mind telling him not to say anything as the doors of the elevator and she walked through on the floor. Groaning to himself, he started to slowly follow her before he paused outside of apartment 143 with her, his hands pulling his keys out before he bit at his lip and glanced towards Ashley who was looking at him with a soft smile.  
‘’Thanks’’ Tommy whispered softly as Ashley slid his guitar off her shoulders and held it out towards him.   
‘’You’re welcome sweetie’’ She smiled at him as he nodded slightly,   
‘’I…umm, im sorry for yelling at you again’’ Tommy told her as he shifted his keys in his hands and moved to push them in to the lock.   
‘’Look T-J, it’s okay, really’’ She smiled at him, ‘’I often get ahead of myself and try to push myself in to places I don’t belong but I do know when to not take any shit of people’’ Ashley said as Tommy’s eyes met hers.   
‘’I just don’t like letting people in to my life, I’ve known mike and Dave for three years now and they still don’t know much about me, they haven’t even been in my apartment since I started moving in two months ago’’ Tommy shrugged with a shaky breath.  
‘’You don’t like change?’’ She asked as Tommy shook his head.   
‘’No, change is something im used to…a lot, more like I don’t like getting attached’’ Tommy told her truthfully as she smiled warmly and nodded.   
‘’Don’t worry, im not going to ask why you don’t like to get attached and im going to make a promise now okay, im not going to say a single thing about your arms…the bathroom, im not going to say a single thing to anyone’’ Ashley told him and Tommy felt a small wave of relief run through him which he didn’t realize he was holding in the back of his mind as he swallowed slightly and nodded.   
‘’Thank you’’ He whispered before the shock ran through his body as she jumped him and wrapped him up in a hug tightly.

_ ^V^ _

** October 31st 2009 **

Staring towards his front door, Tommy swallowed deeply and backed away another three steps as loud knocking echoed out on the wood. No-one ever came knocking for him, unless it was either Mike or Dave but then they didn’t even come up, they normally called to say that they where there and waiting for him downstairs or outside his apartment but they never knocked and it had him slightly spooked before he turned away and moved through the hallway and in to the large open plan lounge and kitchen area.   
Letting his brown eyes scan around the still pretty empty apartment, Tommy sighed to himself an walked clover to the pull out couch he had, the blankets all scatted around it from where he had slept on it the night before when he had come back from Mike and Dave’s place late and couldn’t find enough strength in him to make it through the other hallway and in to his bedroom which was just as empty as every other room, a single double bed stood in the middle of the room, a night stand beside it, across the other side of the room was a small unit which had a TV on it which was left behind and Tommy had never even tried to put on.

Sitting down on the edge of the couch, Tommy glanced around as another knock echo through the place. He knew that he was being stupid now, that he could get things for the apartment and make it more like home for him, it was his now and yet in the back of his mind he was still that small kid who was scared to get attached to things in fear that they would be torn away from him again and again.   
Jumping as the buzzing of his phone on the tiny table Mike had told him to take with him Tommy turned towards it where he had placed it next to the couch to see his phone ringing with an unknown number. Reaching out and picking it up, Tommy stared down at it before he slowly swiped his thumb across the accept button and raised it to his ear.   
‘’About freaking time T-J, and before you hang up, I know you are inside that apartment of yours, I heard your footsteps’’ The voice spoke out as he swallowed slightly.   
‘’How did you get my number’’ Tommy asked quietly as Ashley’s voice laughed loudly.   
‘’Sweetie I have my ways and one of those ways is taking it from Brian’s phone when he had tried calling you and got your friend, now are you going to answer your door before I annoy your neighbors any more’’ She laughed before the phone line went dead.

Sighing to himself, Tommy glanced around the apartment again and stood slowly before he was walking towards his front door again, his phone being slipped in to the front pocket of his pants before he paused slightly and looked down at his arms where his sleeves were pushed up, knowing Ashley had already seen some of them, he left them up as he moved the chain across the door and unlocked it before pulling it open slightly to see her pacing outside before turning to smile towards him.   
‘’About time gorgeous, it’s Halloween and you’re still in, come on, im taking you out’’ She grinned at him as he swallowed.   
‘’Im not going out’’ Tommy told her flatly before she rolled her eyes and turned away.   
‘’Im sorry but as our new guitarist, you don’t have a choice honey’’ She told him as she turned back, ‘’Isaac and Brian is on the way up too, so if I was you, I would just grab everything you need now before they just grab you out your apartment’’ She grinned.  
‘’Fine’’ He grumbled before turning away slightly, one hand still on the door, holding it half closed still as he reached towards the hall closest, cursing under his breath when he realized it was too far, Tommy glanced back towards the door before letting go and pulled the hall door open. Ignoring his packed bag sat on the floor; Tommy grabbed his jacket before wondering back in to the lounge and grabbed his keys and wallet. Turning, Tommy started to walk back towards the door only to pause when the sound of it opened a little more, the slight squeak had him moving quicker and walking closer to see Ashley starting to walk in.

Startling her, she stepped back as Tommy followed through and pulled his door shut a little harder than he had mean too, his hand pushing the keys in and turning as he heard a deep chuckle.  
‘’If you don’t want to go out, you don’t have too’’ Turning, Tommy met Adam’s amused eyes before he turned back and pulled his keys out.   
‘’Thought you said it was you and the other two?’’ He muttered to Ashley as he shoved his keys in between his teeth and quickly pulled his sleeves down as Adam started to get closer.  
‘’Nope, actually I said that they were on the way up, not that Adam was down in the car waiting’’ She smirked out before taking his keys from his mouth, only for him to take them from her again and push them in to his pocket. ‘’number one rule, all keys go to boss man when we go out’’ She told him.   
‘’Tough shit, my keys and my pocket, I didn’t ask for this and I didn’t ask for you to bring them to where I live’’ Tommy told her as he pulled his arms through his jacket. ‘’I need to make a phone call’’ Tommy muttered before he was walking away from her and glanced through his bangs at Adam and bright blue eyes dressed up in black before he was brushing past the singer and towards the stairs.

_ ^V^ _

‘’Are you sure that this was the best thing to do?’’ Adam asked Ashley quietly as he stepped closer and glanced back over his shoulder towards T-J as he moved his phone up to his ear, his hand up and thumb between his teeth just like he could remember him doing back when they first met.  
‘’Come on Adam, get past that massive crush you keep saying you don’t have and just relax a little, this is meant to be a celebration with our new guitarist’’ She told him,  hand touching his arm as he sighed again.  
‘’But we should’ve called him sooner to let him know…not…ambush him Ash’’ Adam groaned as he half turned and leaned against the wall as he let his blue eyes fall back down the hall to see T-J pacing back and forth slightly while talking to whoever it was on the phone.  
‘’Well I did call him our new guitarist but I think he might off over looked that little fact’’ Ashley told him just as loud laughter echoed from the same end of the hall as T-J was in.  
Hearing the footsteps near, Adam looked up to see T-J with his phone between his shoulder and ear again, his face pale slightly before he was clawing his keys out his pocket and moving back towards his front door again.  
‘’Hey, grab the boys and wait down in the car’’ Adam told Ashley softly as Isaac and Brian had walked around the corner.   
‘’Sure thing, just don’t take too long’’ Ashley whispered as T-J pushed his door open, the sound of it hitting back against the door at the same time as Adam nodded and him watching her walk away before turning back to stare at the door which had bounced back before closing so far.  
‘’T-J…is everything okay?’’ Adam called out as he carefully pushed the door open and slowly peered in before stepping forward and inside as he heard a curse. ‘’T-J’’ walking further in, Adam frowned slightly as he tripped over something on the floor and noticed the bag sticking out the hallway closest. Stepping over it, he gently pushed the door closed behind him. Hearing the slight muffled coughing, Adam took a glance around the apartment and was slightly taken back at how empty it was before he turned and followed through another hallway until he was standing outside a slightly opened door. ‘’shit T-J’’ Pushing the door open ,Adam moved across the bathroom quickly and dropped down to his knees behind the blonde man,   his hand moving up to his upper back where he rubbed small circles in to it.   
‘’Shouldn’t be in here’’ T-J muttered out to him.   
‘’At the moment I don’t really care’’ Adam told him, ‘’im more worried about my guitarist and why he’s suddenly throwing up after making a phone call’’  
‘’Mm’ fine’’ T-J muttered out before he was coughing again, body leaning up against the  toilet ‘’just nerves when I called Mike’’ He muttered out.  
‘’About what sweetie’’ Adam asked as he soothed his hand down T-J’s spine before back up again.   
‘’This…us’’ He coughed, ‘’should’ve just left moment I knew it was you’’ Swallowing slightly at T-J’s words, Adam reached towards the sink counter and threw his eyes over it before he noticed the clothed and picked it up, nudging the tap on, he ran it under it before squeezing it out and turned back to the blonde.

Reaching up with his other hand, Adam carefully rested it over the back of his neck as T-J sighed and rested his forehead on his arm. ‘’You don’t have to come out with us tonight if you don’t want too’’ Adam told him quietly after a few moments of silence, his hand still on T-J’s back before he slowly moved away as he reached up and pulled the cloth.  
‘’It’s fine…just go downstairs and wait in the car, im going to get changed’’  
‘’I can wait in the lou-‘’  
‘’Just go downstairs Adam, please’’ T-J whispered out as he turned and flashed brown eyes towards Adam, a small nod leaving his head as he reached up to the counter and pulled himself up on to his feet and stepped towards the door. Pausing, he glanced back to see T-J pulling the cloth away from his neck, another hand reaching up to flush the chain before he too was standing and turning towards Adam.   
‘’You sure you’re okay’’ Adam asked once more which got him a slight nod before he was turning away and to the sink, his back to Adam who took that as the cue to leave.

_ ^V^ _

Sitting back in the booth, the music was loud around with the public holiday as Adam’s eyes danced over the different costumes people had worn to the club. Of course he stared at a few before he turned back to his booth and glanced around to see that he was sat on his own still.  
Turning his eyes over towards the dance floor, Adam watched Isaac and Ashley danced together; their smiles bright on their face had him smiling himself before he glanced around to see Brian walking towards the restrooms.   
Pushing his glass towards the middle of the table once he had finished it, Adam let his blue eyes wonder around the club again, he knew in the back of his mind that he was searching for T-J who had broken away from them once the drinks were down and Ashley had Isaac to dance for the second time within the few hours of being there.

By the time T-J had come back down from his apartment, he had looked totally different, he was dressed in a pair of tight black jeans, a pair of boots which looked heavy on his feet yet he had walked at ease before Adam had quickly taking in the grey shirt which stretched out tightly across his chest and down his arms, the sleeves long again before they were covered as he had tugged his jacket on top. By the time Adam had watched T-J talk to the guard just inside the lobby and hand something over and stepped outside near them, Adam had almost forgotten how to breathe. T-J’s eyes were painted in a dark shade of black eyeliner with a sweeping of a soft silver shadow which made his eyes stand out even more with their warm brown, even in the dim light, Adam could see that his lips were covered in something, at first he had thought it was lipstick until T-J had gotten closer to him and he saw that it was a clear gloss. In those few moments of asking if he was sure again before they had climbed in to the car and started driving, T-J sat in the back in silence as the others laughed about.

Sensing someone sitting down, Adam shook his thoughts about T-J away before he turned towards the person only for his words to die off when he found himself staring back in to warm brown eyes.  
‘’Why are you doing this?’’ T-J asked before he was dropping his eyes again to the drink which was buried within the folds of his long fingers.   
‘’Doing what…I…I don’t understand’’ Adam suddenly spoke out, the few drinks he had already were sloshing around and making him lose his focus when he found his eyes watching T-J’s lips, the gloss still there which had Adam wondering if he had reapplied it at any time.  
‘’-everything Adam, why am I here?’’ Realizing he had missed most of the things he had said, Adam swallowed slightly and glanced around before back again.   
‘’I didn’t have the final say if that’s what you’re wonder…the three of them kicked me out the room when they picked you’’ Adam told him truthfully with a small frown.   
‘’Oh’’ Snapping his eyes up at T-J again, Adam looked at him as he turned to look over the club.   
‘’Oh…what do you mean by that?’’ Adam asked as T-J slowly turned back to look at him, eyes guarded slightly before he dropped them down again to his drink before he let one hand go and raised it to his lips and knocked it back.  
‘’Nothing’’ T-J told him as he put his glass down again and pushed it across in to the middle.   
‘’Hey…’’ Adam spoke out as he slid around closer to him, ‘’you can talk to me you know’’ He whispered softly as T-J turned slightly to look through his hair at him before his eyes were dropping away again.   
‘’Mm’ going to get another drink’’ T-J told him before he was sliding away and out the booth, his feet leading him away quickly as Adam dropped back with a loud groan which was lost in the loudness of the club around him.

_ ^V^ _

By the end of the night, Adam watched Brian holding Isaac up as they headed out the club and towards the car, Ashley a few steps behind them, a little wobbly on her own legs but a lot stronger than Isaac which had Adam chuckling softly to himself.  
‘’S’not funny’’ T-J’s voice mumbled out from beside him as he dropped his sight down to where the blond was walking beside him, a little unsteady on his own  feet, his boots in his hand which had Adam smiling again.  
‘’Wasn’t laughing at you baby’’ Adam told him as he threw his arm over T-J’s shoulders and pulled him closer a little more, his breath stopping short in his throat as he felt him tense before he relaxed quickly again and leaned in to his own body, an arm coming up to wrap around his waist loosely.  
‘’My feet hurt’’ T-J mumbled out and Adam couldn’t help but laugh at that as he softly squeezed him against his side more and smiled warmly as he felt his arm tighten.  
‘’You took your boots off and walked a few blocks without them on.’’ Adam told him softly as he reached up and let his fingers touch against the ends of his hair before he pulled away from Adam and paused next to a wall. ‘’Hey Brian’’ Calling up, Adam waited for his keyboardist to turn before he threw the car keys up, ‘’you go on ahead, we will catch up’’ He told them as Brian nodded.

Turning back to T-J, Adam frowned to see him leaning over the top of the wall slightly, hands flat and his head between his elbows as he coughed slightly. Moving closer, he let his hand slide up T-J’s back before he quickly turned away from Adam’s touch, eyes wide as he stared at him and breath heavy before he groaned slightly and leaned back against the wall and slipped down it. Hands reaching for his boots, Adam watched as he tugged them back on and clumsily tried to do the laces back up.   
‘’Come here you big fool’’ Adam teased as he walked closer again and crouched down to replace T-J’s hands with his own.   
‘’You like doing that’’ T-J hiccupped out before a hand covered his mouth and Adam grinned at him.   
‘’Im just helping you out baby, nothing more’ Adam told him as he patted T-J’s leg and he brought it up to bend at the knee before moving his other foot closer and closed his eyes.  
‘’Feel like im going to throw up’’ Looking up as he finished the last shoe lace, Adam sighed softly before he reached up and pressed the palm of his hand to his cheek softly, the touch causing brown eyes to flutter open slowly as he smiled.  
‘’Tied?’’ Adam asked as T-J nodded slightly.   
‘’Don’t normally drink much’’ He muttered before pulling away from the touch and tried to stand, grabbing his hands, Adam pulled him up to his feet with him and wrapped his arms around his waist as he stumbled and crashed in to Adam.

Staring back down at T-J as he stared up, Adam felt himself swallow slightly at the slight glazed over look in his brown eyes before T-J blinked and it was gone again, leaving behind the familiar coloring he had grown to. For the first in many times since he had stopped his car and offered the man in his arms a lift, he felt arousal shoot through him as he lowered his head slightly.  
Stopping just short of T-J’s lips, Adam turned slightly and pressed a chaste kiss to his warm cheek before he was sliding his arm away and tightening the one around his waist more.  
‘’Come on, lets get you home and in to bed’’ Adam told him softly as T-J allowed him to be manhandled against his side, his own arms still wrapped around Adam’s midsection, head resting against his chest slightly as they slowly walked the rest of the way to where they had left the car.

For the first time in a long time, Adam was glad he only had two drinks and changed to softer ones, he knew…any more booze in his body, that he would’ve broken so many boundaries and kissed his guitarist just then.


	5. Show Time

** November 1st 2009 **

 Turning over with a heavy breath and groan, Tommy, slowly blinked his eyes open to see that he was in his own bed, the sunlight streaming in through the windows bathing it warm before he slowly pushed himself up and ran a hand over his face, he couldn’t remember even getting home last night, let alone getting his keys back of the guard in the lobby. Shaking his thoughts away, Tommy slowly pushed the covers away and climbed out, his body still dressed in the clothes he wore the night before, before he groaned and started to pull his shirt off.

Undressed and dressed back in a pair of sweat pants and another long sleeve shirt,, Tommy pushed the arms up and headed out his bedroom, bypassing the lounge, Tommy headed in to his kitchen and turned his kettle on before he was turning and pulling his laptop across the counter, Tommy tapped away on a few things before he was bringing ITunes up and pressing play.  
Winching slightly as loud music started to play, Tommy rubbed at his eyes before he was pulling a cup down and mixing coffee and hot water in, the smell already strong and clearing his mind as he picked the cup up and turned around. Knowing that Adam had wanted the band to get together later that day, Tommy sighed softly to himself before he was walking back out the kitchen and through to the lounge where he jumped, his cup falling from his hands as he quickly scrambled for his sleeves and pulled them down on both arms.  
‘’What the hell are you doing here’’ Tommy yelled out once he had noticed Adam sitting up on his couch, the broad shoulders turning to look at him with a few blinks before Adam smiled softly.  
‘’Sorry’’ Adam mumbled softly, ‘’I didn’t mean to crash on your couch…it just happened’’ Adam told him as Tommy just stood staring.   
‘’You shouldn’t be here’’ Tommy breathed out, his mind rushing through things and how that if Adam had undressed him that he would’ve seen the scars.   
‘’Tommy’’ Adam spoke out from closer  
‘’Leave…now’’ He breathed out again as a hand raised and pointed towards the door.   
‘’At least let me give you a lift to practice’’  
‘’Adam…just…go’’ Tommy growled out as he felt himself tremble slightly, brown eyes staring towards his new boss before Adam swallowed slightly and nodded, watching as he grabbed his jacket and move closer before he paused, a hand moving out to touch Tommy before he dropped it away again and swallowed again.   
‘’I’ll see you in a few hours’’ Adam whispered before he was walking past, the sound of the door opening and closing had Tommy letting a small sound out before he was dropping his eyes to look down at the broken coffee cup, coffee staining his clothes before he reached out to touch against his stomach where there was a wet patch.

_ ^V^ _

‘’He should be here…why isn’t he here yet’’ Adam spoke out as he let his eyes move back to the doors of the studio, ‘’he knew the address…why isn’t he here yet’’  
‘’Adam chill out dude, this is LA, think about the traffic’’ Isaac called out from behind his drums, his voice muffled slightly from where he was laid out on his arms.   
‘’He’s right Adam, ‘’ Ashley joined in as he groaned and turned around to look at her, her bass hanging down her side as she held a coffee cup in her hands.

Hearing the doors open, Adam spun around again to see T-J stepping inside the room, a pair of sunglasses over his eyes, leather jacket on and guitar over his shoulder along with a bag, the image making him think back to the very first time he had seen the blonde at the side of the road.  
‘’Oh thank god, a real person’’ Ashley called out as she brushed past Adam, her bass scratching his arm and bringing back as she walked over and handed the coffee over. ‘’you don’t know what hell is until you’ve been pushed in to a room with a moaning drummer and a whinnying singer’’ She laughed out as T-J took the coffee she held out.   
‘’Thanks’’ He spoke out quietly as she nodded and took his hand. Watching as they walked away, Adam turned back again as Brian headed inside.   
‘’Sorry im late guys, traffics a bitch’’ He called out loudly which had Isaac whining and him laughing.   
‘’Oh please turn it down’’ He moaned  
‘’Serves you right for drinking so much last night’’ Brian laughed as he moved towards the key board.   
‘’Okay, so we all had a bit too much to drink…well some more than others but let’s just get everything sorted, if you remember, we have a show really soon…a few days and we need to be ready for it’’ Adam spoke out with a clap which had Isaac groaning again as he sat up, hands rubbing over his eyes.

Turning around, Adam couldn’t help but let his eyes wonder towards T-J to see Ashley holding his guitar while he was pulling his jacket off, yet again, another long sleeve shirt on before he was dropping his jacket down and pulling a bottle out his pocket and shaking something on to his hand before he was taking it with a mouthful of coffee before placing both down and taking his guitar from her with a small nod.

_ ^V^ _

** November 5th 2009 **

Hearing the crowd cheering Adam’s name, Tommy couldn’t help but breath out deeply, his hair hiding him away from their views as he kept playing, his fingers against the strings like he had always loved, the feeling of the music moving around him as he let his eyes slip close.  
Feeling an arm slide around his chest and warmth against his back, Tommy quickly opened his eyes as he jerked forward, trying to move away, his head turning slightly to see Adam before his eyes met his and he was moving away again, trying to control his breathing, Tommy turned slightly before his eyes met Ashley’s across the stage, the worry etched on her face before he shook his head and swallowed.

Laying his hands over the neck of his guitar, Tommy watched as he laughed to the fans before he was turning towards Ashley and introducing her just like he had done with the rest of the band before she started to play her own little solo part before Adam was turning and moving across the stage and towards him, the look of concern on his face and Tommy knew it was because of the way he had moved away from Adam and stayed close to Ashley for most of the show.   
‘’You okay?’’ Adam whispered out as Tommy nodded.   
‘’Just fine’’ He lied, the attention of being watched was starting to bring his heart beat faster, the thought of his past getting out causing the worry to build and he was glad for taking his anxiety tablets before the show which had help keep some of the thoughts away as Adam nodded and slowly slipped his arm around Tommy’s shoulders before they were walking forward.   
‘’And finally, after much searching and bloodshed’’ Adam called out to his fan’s, his killer smile back on his face and making Tommy breath out slightly as he moved his hands on the guitar again, ‘’on guitar…is Mr. T-J Ratliff’’ He called out, his last name being drawn out slightly before the feeling of Adam’s arm slipped away from his shoulders as he started to play again, warm chocolate eyes on his fingers and strings as a loud cheer ran out.

By the time the show was finished and they had finally come off stage, Tommy could feel the beads of sweat rolling down his back, the feeling making him frown in disgust before he was following the others towards the dressing rooms and inside. Before the show, Tommy had been lucky enough to have the whole room to himself when he had quickly changed in to his show clothes and now he was biting at his lip as he glanced around everyone, his bag in his hands which he quickly hitched over his shoulder and moved towards Ashley.  
‘’Hey is there a bathroom?’’ He whispered as she looked up at him with a frown before her eyes quickly dropped to his arms and she nodded.   
‘’Go around those costume rails there and there’s a door, head through and then the bathroom is through the next one again’’ She told him with a soft smile as he nodded and quickly moved through the room and tried to ignore the weight of the stares he could feel on the back of his neck.

Bathroom door locked, Tommy leant back against it and breathed deeply as he let his bag slide down his arm and drop on to the floor before he was moving and quickly stripping himself of his shirt, feeling the cool air rush at his overly heated skin, Tommy let a deep breath out before he was moving towards the taps and turning it on, his hands cupping under the water before he was bringing it up and over his face slightly as he washed both grime and makeup away.

_ ^V^ _

‘’Has T-J come out yet?’’ Adam asked as Brian and Ashley headed out the dressing room and towards the back hallways which would lead them out towards the car which would drop them home.   
‘’I don’t think so man’’ Isaac answered him just as the door opened and Tommy slipped out, a pair of large sunglasses pushed up on to the top of his head and striped sweater on.  
‘’Everything okay T-J’’ Adam asked as his brown eyes lifted in surprise before he nodded.   
‘’Just fine, sorry if I kept you waiting’’ He spoke out before Adam smiled and shook his head.   
‘’Not a problem and you didn’t, but the others is probably in the car waiting to take us all home’’ Adam told him before he watched T-J frown slightly.   
‘’Oh, I already have a lift…Mike is picking me up’’ He told Adam as he shrugged.   
‘’It’s cool, but come on, the fans are waiting and im sure you made quite a few new ones’’ Adam grinned s he followed his two band mates out and along the cool hallway.

Sure enough, stepping outside the back door, cheers and cat calls echoed through the night air from the fans which had gathered around waiting for them, up ahead, Ashley and Brian was signing a few things and talking with them as Adam glanced back and saw Isaac moving closer before he paused and frowned towards T-J as he pulled his sunglasses down and tightened his grip on his bag.   
‘’T-J’’ Hearing someone shout his guitarist name along with the others and himself, Adam smiled softly and moved towards the fans himself before he was taking a pen and signing something with a smile before he was glancing back to see someone grab T-J’s wrist which had him pulling his arm back, his shoulders tense as he turned his head and looked across the parking lot.   
‘’Sorry guy’s, that’s enough for tonight, I need to get some sleep, im beat’’ Adam spoke out after signing a few more things and started to head away at the same time as T-J turned and hitched his bag further up.  
‘’Are you sure he’s okay’’ Isaac whispered once he was next to Adam and he shrugged.   
‘’No idea, one of the fan’s grabbed his wrist and he seemed a little spooked’’ He whispered back as they both watched him cross the parking lot quickly and towards Mike who was waiting against his own car.

Watching the exchange of Mike taking T-J’s bag before handing something in to his hand along with a bottle, Adam could see T-J leaning against the car, his body moving slightly with what Adam could only guess was heavy breaths before he was pulling back and drinking from the bottle.  
‘’Adam…Isaac’’ Turning back at their names being called. Adam nodded slightly and started walking again before he was throwing his eyes back towards the car to see T-J hugging Mike tightly before he was moving around and climbing in to the passenger’s side and Mike in to the driver and Adam couldn’t help but wince slightly as he glanced back to the fans to see some whispering and some pointing phones and cameras towards his new guitarist and he knew that the pictures of him hugging his friend would hit the internet quickly.  
Climbing in to the car, the door was closed loudly as Adam bit at his lip and turned to look at the rest of his band mates as he took a deep breath.  
‘’Guy’s’’ He spoke out and got their attention. ‘’im worried about T-J’’ He told them honestly.   
‘’He’s a little strange, in the quiet way but what’s wrong?’’ Brian asked as the car started moving and Adam moved a hand out to stop himself from being thrown forward.   
‘’One of the fans out there grabbed his wrist and he pulled away quickly before walking off, it was like he was spooked and im sure his eyes was wide if he wasn’t hiding behind sunglasses’’ He told them, ‘’I think he’s hiding something and then there’s those tablet’s which he keeps taking’’  
‘’They are anxiety tables Adam…most people get panic attacks, its normal’’ Ashley spoke out as he turned to look towards her.   
‘’Oh right…I didn’t know that’’ He spoke out  
‘’Im sure he’s fine, I mean he doesn’t look like the type of person to do drugs of any kind which you have to shoot up with, his attention and reflexes are fine and he’s always listening and never looking far away’’ Isaac chimed in from beside Adam.  
‘’they’re right Adam, I mean, if there was anything going on, im sure we would find out soon enough’’ Brian told him before he was turning around and leaning back against the window, almost like they had never spoken.  
‘’I hope so’’ Adam mumbled as he turned back in to his own seat.


	6. Chapter 6

** January 10th 2010 **

‘’Oh shit’’ Adam whispered out as he check through his twitter feed,  
‘’Hey what’s wrong?’’ Ashley called out from near him, looking up from his phone; Adam watched her move things around before walking over to peer over his shoulder. ‘’what is all that about?’’ She asked.  
‘’Someone caught a quick video of T-J’’ Adam whispered to her before he glanced up towards the man who was stood across the room, his arm folded and pressing his phone to his ear  
‘’Video…of what and when?’’ Ashley asked which caused Adam to look back and close the feed before turning to look at her.  
‘’From before the show other day…when he had that panic attack, you helped him through it’’ Adam whispered to her as she looked up towards T-J and nodded.  
‘’But how’’  
‘’I guess one of the staff from the venue took it, I mean, I know there wasn’t any fans there before the show so it wasn’t them but a lot of people are concerned that he’s on drugs or something. Other than that…fans are worried about him like normal, want him to make his own twitter account to follow’’ Adam whispered with a small smile and nodded.  
‘’Everything will be okay, T-J is nothing but strong, it wasn’t his fault that he forgot his tablets that day, we were all rushed from the hotel so im surprised he forgot to pick them up and take them’’ Ashley told him as he nodded and breathed out deeply.  
‘’Alright, lets get this sorted shall we and then we can go out like planned before the show tonight’’ He smiled before standing.  
‘’That’s it big man, show them who’s boss’’ She grinned before they were both moving away from where they were sat.  
‘’Hey T-J, time to get going’’ Adam called out which had the brown eyed man turning to look towards him before he was nodding and saying something in to the phone again before he was hanging up and walking over. ‘’everything okay’’ Adam asked as T-J nodded.  
‘’Just fine’’ He spoke out, ‘’Hey Ash, can I talk to you for a moment?’’ T-J asked before Ashley was turning with a large smile.

Walking out of the room, Adam rubbed his jaw slightly before he was heading towards Brian who was talking to a guy with a headset and clip board before they were both turning with a smile.  
‘’Alright, the press is all seated and just waiting for us now, Isaac is already waiting outside the room, is the other two ready?’’ Brian asked as Adam nodded and turned back to see Ashley and T-J walking out the room and towards them.

_ ^V^ _

Following the others in to the large room, Tommy glanced towards the press when a few cameras clicked away and swallowed deeply before he turned around and glanced towards Ashley who smiled at him warmly before they were taking their seats.  
‘’Just breathe and everything will be fine, if not, I have your anxiety tablets in my pocket’’ Ashley whispered as she leaned over to whisper in his ear which had him nodding slightly, fingertips brushing over his thighs before he was reaching for one of the glasses of water and bringing it to his lips as the press started to ask Adam questions.  
Listening in for a while, Tommy glanced around the room again before turning back to look towards Brian as he laughed about something.  
‘’And how about you T-J, have you got any comments about the video which was recently posted on the social networking site, twitter?’’ A press person asked which had Tommy breathing out in confusion before he turned to look towards Ashley as she tapped her pocket and whispered panic attack.  
‘’Oh…in all, I was not aware of a video being made of myself, but to speak out about it is simple, I often suffer with panic attacks and the one before the show came across because I did not have time to take anxiety tablets before hand and I had a lot of things on my mind which did not help.’’ Tommy spoke out as more photos were taken and he sat back again.  
‘’Adam, what are your views on your guitarists condition’’ Someone else spoke out and Tommy tried to breath out before he was rubbing his hand against his thigh and gripping it slightly.  
‘’Im not aware that T-J has a condition, we all have our own problems in life and own ways to deal with them, what happened before the show the other day is none of anyone’s concerns apart from T-J’s and ours, it was a massive breach of personal space for whoever recorded it and we will be pressing charges’’ Adam spoke out, his words causing Tommy to look up and towards him before Adam flashed a smile towards him and turned back again.

‘’So T-J, a lot of fans are wondering, what is it like playing for Adam Lambert on such a large scale?’’ Someone else asked as he shrugged softly,  
‘’It’s pretty over whelming sometimes but other than that, its pretty amazing, I mean, it’s given me the chance to go to a lot of places I haven’t even thought about going and it’s also giving me the chance to become friends with a bunch of amazing people’’ He told them with a forced smile as they nodded and wrote things down.  
‘’And what about the others, we know quite a lot about them and yet hardly anything about you…some fans have managed to dig around themselves and it has come up that you are from Alaska…that’s pretty impressive’’ They spoke out as Tommy felt himself freeze up slightly, ‘’and yet there’s still so many questions they want to know, like what city up there did you grow up in…where were you born?’’  
‘’I was born here in California actually’’ Tommy spoke out, before he felt a slight touch against his hand and turned to look at Ashley before his eyes shot past towards Adam who was staring at him with worry.  
‘’So Californian born, what made your parents move up to Alaska of all places…it must have been a fun place to grow up’’  
‘’Alright, I think that’s enough questions, thank you very much and I hope you enjoy the show tonight’’ Adam spoke out before he was standing and moving away.  
Standing himself, Tommy breathed out and felt his heart start racing before there was a gentle touch against his back and he turned to see Adam stood there before he shook his head softly.  
‘’Im fine…thank you for stopping it there’’ He whispered to him as they started to walk back out the room again, leaving the world of flashes and shouts behind before heading out in to the cooler hallway where Ashley was moving towards him with a bottle of water and his pills in her hand which he gratefully took before moving off down to the room they had been in which was their dressing room for the show.  
‘’Hold on guy’s, lets give T-J twenty minutes on his own’’ He heard her speak out like she promised to do before hand before he was shutting the door behind him and locking it tightly.

Taking two tablets and a mouthful of water, Tommy walked towards the mirrors before placing his bottle down and let his fingers move to the bottom of his top before he was pulling it up and over his head, the cool air rushing at his skin before he took deep breaths and slowly looked up at his reflection and his past.

_‘’Money now’’ A gruff voice spoke out from behind him; the coldness of something pressing against his throat had Tommy freezing up quickly._   
_‘’I…I don’t have anything’’ Tommy gasped out when the object against his throat pressed a little more._   
_‘’You are lying’’ The voice spoke out._   
_‘’im not…I…I promise, I’ve only just gotten in to town, I hitch hiked, I…I don’t have anything I swear down, I have nothing on me.’’ He breathed out, his words half the truth; it had been three days since he had left Adam outside of Brad’s place. Three days of basking on the street for enough cash to grab something to eat and for another night in a motel room._   
_Feeling his body get pushed forward and in to a wall, Tommy coughed at the sudden impact before he felt a fist collide with his side before more hits appeared, each hit causing his side and stomach to grow numb and start tingling._   
_Feeling the sharp sting to his side, Tommy cried out loudly before it was repeated and footsteps were moving away at a fast pace as Tommy crumbled to the floor on his knees, a arm wrapped around his body tightly before he was pushing away and heading back to the motel he had booked for the night, his guitar and bags tucked away inside the room and the guy in the office with the key so Tommy couldn’t run._

_‘’Dude you look like shit, what happened?’’ The manager asked once he had gotten back, his body shivering with cold slightly as he leaned against the counter and shook his head._   
_‘’Im fine, just fine, someone tried taking my money before beating the crap out of me once he realized I had nothing to take’’ Tommy mumbled out as his vision swam slightly._   
_‘’Are you sure, you’re pretty pale and not like before’’ The guy spoke out before the room tilted slightly and Tommy felt himself falling to the ground again with a heavy breath, ‘’oh lord almighty you need help’’ The manager’s voice called out before everything dimmer around him again, feeling pressure against his side, Tommy let his eyes blink open slightly to voices and a bright light before he was letting the darkness wash over him._

Hearing a loud knocking, Tommy shook his mind clear of memories, his fingers dropping away from the scars on his side from the stabbing before he was pulling his shirt back on again and walking back to the door where he unlocked and slowly pulled it open to see Adam stood there looking concerned.  
‘’Im fine Adam’’ He whispered softly as Adam nodded.  
‘’We are going to head out for a meal, you still okay to come too?’’ He asked before Tommy nodded.  
‘’Sure, let me just grab my stuff’’  Tommy told him before he was stepping back and heading back to his bag where he grabbed his wallet and phone, glancing over his shoulder, Tommy watched Adam step in to the room, his eyes glancing around before landing on Tommy with a soft smile.  
‘’I know this isn’t my business’’ Adam said softly as he pushed the door closed, ‘’but what happened to you T-J, you’re not the same guy I met three years ago in San Francisco’’ He whispered out, his expression turning slowly to a pained one as he took another step in and Tommy swallowed. ‘’I’ve not seen you truly smile like you did on that drive, I get you don’t want to talk about your past with the others, just like you didn’t have to tell me about the foster homes you were in…but this is me T-J, you can trust me, just like you did back then’’  
‘’People change Adam, that’s all’’ He told him.  
‘’I know, but it’s like you’re a completely different person, what happened to you that was so bad and why have we never seen you in anything other than long shirts, hell you refuse to get changed in front of others, what are you hiding?’’  
‘’It’s nothing Adam…just drop it okay’’ Tommy snapped before he was heading past, feeling Adam grab his wrist, Tommy breathed out and quickly spun around and pulled out of his hold, his heart racing before Adam blushed slightly.  
‘’Im sorry T-J…for whatever has happened to you since that day I let you walk away from me outside of Brad’s place, im sorry’’ He whispered, his voice sounding defeated.  
‘’Adam you haven’t got anything to say sorry for, everything which has happened to me since then isn’t your fault, you have nothing to say sorry for’’ Tommy told him truthfully before he gently smiled towards him, ‘’you…you don’t need to worry about me anymore okay, im somewhere where you can keep an eye on me, no more harm is going to come to me while you’re around’’ Tommy told him before he was heading out in to the hall and along before he suddenly stopped when he realized what he had said to Adam, he had told him that no more harm would come to him, turning to look over his shoulder, Tommy watched as Adam stepped out and looked up with a confused but still pained look on his face before he was closing the door, turning around and walking again, Tommy breathed out deeply knowing that he was somewhere where he wanted to be and that he was going to be just fine with being near Adam again.


	7. Chapter 7

Watching him over dinner, Adam couldn’t help but think back over the words TJ had said to him back in the dressing room before he was walking out. He couldn’t understand what he had meant by them and he wondered what had happened in the three years they had been apart.

 ‘ _No more harm is going to come to me while you’re around’_

Watching as he nodded to something Brian said to him, Adam watched as he glanced over and met with his own eyes before he was turning away quickly again, a hand moving up to rub against his side before Adam was turning back to look at Ashley who had also been watching him.  
‘’You sure he is okay?’’ Adam couldn’t help but ask as her eyes turned to him and nodded.   
‘’Baby steps Adam, that’s all he needs okay no matter how much we all worry about him’’ She whispered before turning away as the waiter approached the table with their meals.

_‘You don’t need to worry about me anymore okay, im somewhere where you can keep an eye on me.’_

Shaking his thoughts away from the conversation they had shared, Adam tried to ignore all the worried feelings which was building up inside of him for the blond man sat across from him on the far side of the table, engrossed in listening to Brian talking about something Adam wasn’t sure about quietly before TJ would nod once or twice every so often and maybe slip in a few words here and there before he was turning to pick up his drink.   
Watching as his sleeve slowly pulled up along his wrist as his long fingers curled around the glass stem, Adam couldn’t help but notice the thin silvery white looking lines which adorned his pale flesh before it was quickly covered again once TJ had pulled his arm back, his fingers tight around the fabric of his top, almost like he was afraid of the marks on his skin. Breathing out deeply, Adam kept his eyes on his meal as he ate a little more before his eyes was meeting brown ones as he looked up briefly to pick his own drink up, the flash of something he couldn’t describe running through TJ’s eyes before they were moving to Ashley quickly.  
‘’Ash’’ TJ croaked out slightly which had the bass player beside him looking up before she was moving her knife and fork back down to the plate.  
‘’Shit, okay sweetie, come on lets get you some air’’ She spoke out quickly before her hands were shoving at Adam to move, sliding out of the booth they were sat at, Adam watched as Ashley stood and moved around to grab TJ’s hand the moment he had stood up and started to pull him towards the entrance before veering off towards the bathrooms.   
‘’What was that all about?’’ Brian asked as Adam shook his head.   
‘’I have no idea’’ He breathed out, eyes glancing towards Isaac who was still stood off slightly and near an alcove, his phone to his ear as he talked with his wife.

‘’TJ’s heading back to the venue a littler earlier to get ready’’ Ashley’s voice spoke out causing both boys to jump and turn back to look at her.   
‘’Is he okay?’’ Adam asked as she nodded.   
‘’Yeah, just the start of a panic attack but he’s fine, going to head back to grab his tablets and before getting changed’’ She told Adam as he nodded and frowned slightly.   
‘’What’’ She asked before he shook his head.   
‘’Nothing’’ He mumbled before looking up as Isaac walked back over.

_ ^V^ _

** January 19th 2010 **

‘’Okay that show was killer’’ Isaac hooted out as he ran past Tommy who just shook his head and ran a hand over the back of his neck before he pulled it away quickly again once he felt the sweat built up there, heading through the backstage area, Tommy glanced around while they waited for everyone else to come off stage before he paused and glanced towards the security who was holding someone back from passing.   
‘’Dude, everything okay there?’’ Isaac asked as he clapped a hand on to his shoulder and he turned with a nod.   
‘’Just fine, why wouldn’t it be’’ Tommy asked as he shrugged.   
‘’Just asking man, you looked a little pale’’ The drummer told him as he nodded weakly and glanced back to see the girl being let through, a clipboard and bag in her hand before she was walking away from them and in another direction.

Gathered together and back on the tour bus, Tommy shifted slightly in his seat before he was starting to stand and head towards the bathroom and shower when the bus door opened again and he turned to see Lane walking on which had the others talking slightly as her eyes moved over them before landing on him.  
‘’Mr. Ratliff’’ She spoke out before walking towards him with some papers, ‘’we need some more information from you, the label are starting to ask questions about the lack of it from the guitarist’’ She told him as he breathed out and nodded. Taking them from her, Tommy glanced down before back up again to see her standing there still. ‘’and there’s also this’’ She spoke out softly before handing him a thick brown envelope.   
‘’Thanks’’ He told her as he took it, ‘’Wait right there’’ He spoke out quickly before he was turning back through to the bunks and to his own where he grabbed another envelope.   
Opening the envelope Lane had handed him, Tommy pulled out the two tickets and backstage passes before he pushed them inside along with the letter and sealed it quickly before he turned back and headed back out to Lane again before holding it towards her.  
‘’It’s different from the last one’’ She spoke out as Tommy nodded.   
‘’I know, worth a try right’’ Tommy whispered out as she smiled at him with a nod.   
‘’Of course it is’’ She told him before tucking the letter away in her folder before she was turning around and headed towards Adam, her words brief before leaving again as he turned to the bathroom and slipping inside.

Undressing slowly, Tommy glanced towards his clothes already in the bathroom before he turned back again and reached over to turn the water on before he was leaning back again, stood just in his boxers, Tommy looked past the mirror and his reflection before turning away as he thought about the letter he had handed to Lane again, another one with another set of tickets and backstage passes to Adam’s show in hopes that his sister would turn up, he had found a few different addresses for her but wasn’t sure which one was the current, the last three had been a nope hope and Tommy just wished that this last address would be the one to find his sister.  
Showering the shows dirt and grime off his shoulders, Tommy let the feeling of the buss starting us sooth him off before he was climbing out and turning the water off again, wrapping the towel around his body tightly, Tommy climbed out of the cubical and started to dry off before he pulled a clean pair of boxers on and then a pair of sweat pants and a hoody before grabbing the rest of his clothes and headed out of small bathroom which caused a few heads to turn towards him as he headed back to the bunks and pushed his clothes at the bottom and grabbed his phone as he headed back towards the main lounge area of the bus.

‘’Have a nice shower?’’ Adam asked as Tommy dropped down on the couch and curled his legs closer, hands tugging his hoody closer as he nodded slightly before looking towards the table where he had left the papers before Adam was leaning across and grabbing them along with the pen before handing them over to him.  
‘’Thanks’’ Tommy told him softly as he took them and took the pen and sat back again, his eyes scanning over the pages before he paused on the details of an emergency contact before he glanced towards Adam who was on his phone. Looking away again and glancing around the others, Tommy dropped his eyes back down to the forms again until he got down on to his own number which he filled out along with his home address before filling his birthday out, finishing as much as he could without giving too much of his past away, Tommy let his eyes glance back up at the emergency contact again with a small sigh.   
‘’What’s wrong’’ Adam asked as Tommy looked up again and towards him before he glanced around the room and back again.   
‘’I have nothing to put down for y emergency contact’’ Tommy whispered towards him, body shifting as he nodded down to the papers, ‘’you know my back story, I don’t know my sisters address so I can’t do that and I can’t put my last home because that was in Alaska and a foster home’’ He whispered, ‘’and Mike is always too busy to put down’’  
‘’You can put me down for it’’ Adam whispered back as Tommy nodded slightly.  
‘’Thanks’’ Tommy whispered softly, ‘’im going to leave them here for you to fill out and head to my bunk, a little tired’’  
‘’its fine. Goodnight TJ’’ Adam spoke out as Tommy pushed himself up and nodded slightly.

_ ^V^ _

‘’Hey, heading to bed?’’ Isaac asked as TJ nodded,  
‘’yeah, pretty beat so going to try and get a few hours before we get to the next city’’ TJ spoke out as he smiled.  
‘’Alright, goodnight’’ Stepping away from his band mate, Isaac headed along the small hall before he paused and glanced up as TJ reached up to pull himself up, his hoody sliding up his body which had Isaac pausing quickly before the man was sliding out of view.   
Heading back out, Isaac walked over to the couch and picked the papers up before dropping down with a slight frown, his eyes dropping down before they landed on the birth date of TJ’s.  
‘’Isaac, you okay there man?’’ Brian spoke out before the drummer looked up.   
‘’Huh…oh yeah…just, remember the call back of TJ’s’’ He spoke out quietly which quickly grabbed the attention of the other three as they moved closer.   
‘’Yeah…why’’ Brian asked.   
‘’I asked TJ why he looked so dressed up for’’ He whispered as the others nodded.   
‘’He came from someone’s birthday bash’’ Adam whispered softly as Isaac nodded again and waved the papers slightly.   
‘’It was TJ’s birthday bash’’ He sighed, ‘’he left his own birthday party to come and play for us again’’  
‘’Holy shit’’ Ashley whispered before glancing towards the bunk area.   
‘’You still looked troubled’’ Adam whispered softly as Isaac turned to look at him with a frown before he turned back again and placed the papers down.   
‘’Any of you going to shower’’ Isaac asked before Ashley nodded.   
‘’I still need to, why?’’ She asked before Isaac leaned over and grabbed the marker pen which was on the table.

Standing he pulled Ashley to her own feet before moving his hands to her top and pulling it up until her whole side was on show, yet still covering everything for her.  
‘’Hold it there’’ He told her as she nodded with a frown before Isaac uncapped the pen and started to draw short strokes over her skin where he remembered he saw them on TJ.  
‘’Isaac what are you doing?’’ Brian asked after a while when he pulled away and looked at Ashley’s side.   
‘’What does that look like to you?’’ He asked,   
‘’Like you just decided to draw on me with crazy marker’’ Ashley chuckled before it dropped as Isaac shook his head.   
‘’Picture the black lines as white lines and slightly raised’’ Isaac spoke out as the others looked at Ashley’s side and at the marks again.   
‘’Dude, are you talking about scares?’’ Brian asked as Isaac nodded slightly.   
‘’I saw them on TJ’s side when he pulled himself up in to his bunk, his hoody raised up and I don’t think he noticed I was still stood thee’’ Isaac whispered softly, ‘’and it kind of made sense…I mean come on, all the times we’ve had a show, he’s never once changed in front of us and since tour started, he’s always waited until we have been back on the bus to shower’’  
‘’But what do you think caused them…they are too short and random for self harm’’ Adam asked as he suddenly thought back to TJ’s wrist which he saw at dinner a few days ago.  
‘’You don’t…’’Ashley started before trailing off as she ran fingers across the marker pen lines.   
‘’What’’ Brian asked.   
‘’They remind me of stab wounds’’ She whispered out, ‘’I had a friend back in high school who got attacked and stabbed, the lines make me think back to then’’

Glancing towards the bunks, the four of them exchanged looks with each other before looking to Adam as he breathed out and ran a hand over the side of his neck.  
‘’We don’t know what may off happen in his past’’ Adam started as Ashley dropped her top and knelt back beside Brian again.   
‘’You knew him back along, what was he like?’’ Brian asked as Adam looked at them all and towards the bunks with a worried expression.   
‘’Nothing like this, he was happy in the brief time we were together in the car but he didn’t hide away like he does with long sleeves’’ Adam spoke quietly before he paused with a frown and thought back. ‘’actually he did cover up’’ Adam frowned before he was sitting back and grabbing the papers and pen again; filling out the emergency contacts out with his own, Adam glanced up to see the others looking at him. ‘’He didn’t have anyone to put down for emergency contacts’’ He explained.   
‘’What about his friend Mike’’ Ashley asked.   
‘’Said he was always busy’’ Adam told her before pushing the papers on to the table.   
‘’So what are e going to do or say to TJ about his side?’’ Brian asked as Adam looked up.   
‘’Nothing…we say nothing’’ Adam spoke out.   
‘’Adam’’  
‘’No…it’s not for us to say, he’s kept it hidden from us for a reason and unless TJ tells us it himself, we say nothing’’ He spoke out.

_’you…you don’t need to worry about me anymore okay, I’m somewhere where you can keep an eye on me, no more harm is going to come to me while you’re around’_

Staring at the bunks again, Adam couldn’t help but swallow as their conversation came back to him, standing, Adam bid goodnight to the others before heading through the bunks and paused beside TJ’s, his curtain drawn before he pulled it back slowly to see the blond man fast asleep, headphones in his ears before Adam glanced over his shoulder and back again as he reached up and lightly brushed his fingertips through TJ’s hair. ‘’What the hell did you get yourself in to baby’’ Adam whispered softly before he sighed and pulled the curtain back and headed through to the small bedroom he had.


	8. Chapter 8

** January 21st 2010 **

Stepping back on to the bus, Adam glanced over his shoulder and towards the venue before he was letting a deep breath out and walking further inside as the door closed with a quiet hiss behind him. He had finally managed to get away from everyone else who didn’t seem to understand that he wanted to spend some time alone before they had to go through sound check and then the show later that night.  
Walking past the driver’s seat, Adam glanced up and quickly paused again when he noticed TJ stretched out over the couch in the small lounge area, one of his arms buried under his head while the other rested over his stomach and Adam couldn’t help but smile softly at the image.  
Creeping closer, Adam picked up the empty coffee cup which was on the floor beside the couch before he glanced up over TJ’s face again; he seemed to be so relaxed when he slept, like nothing was on his mind or he wasn’t trying to hide anything from them.   
Standing up, Adam walked past and in to the small kitchen area where he put the cup down before he headed on down through the bunks and in to the small room of his before dropping down on to the bed and let a loud sigh out before he was kicking his shoes off and changing I to a pair of different pants and a shirt before heading back out to the lounge where Adam noticed TJ was moving slightly, glancing over, Adam stopped walking as he watched TJ’s hand move around on to his side slightly, his face changing from peaceful to what almost looked like pain. Remembering the dream he had when they had first met and TJ had slept in the car, Adam walked over quickly and knelt down before he moved his hands to TJ’s shoulders.

‘’Hey it’s okay, come on TJ wake up’’ Adam spoke out as he slipped a hand up on to the side of his neck, ‘’come on wake up baby’’ He whispered softly as his thumb stroked along TJ’s jaw before brown eyes quickly blinked open and he struggled against Adam’s touch, ‘’hey it’s okay, its okay…its only me, its only Adam’’ He told him quickly before their eyes met and TJ breathed out. ‘’you okay now?’’ Adam asked as he nodded slightly and dropped back down on to the couch as he brought his hand up to run over his face slightly.  
‘’Sorry’’ TJ mumbled softly which had Adam confused slightly as he shook his head.   
‘’You have nothing to be sorry for baby, it was just a bad dream’’ Adam told him softly as he ran his fingers through blond hair. ‘’just think the last time I woke you up, we were sat in my car’’ Adam whispered with a soft chuckle as TJ’s brown eyes slowly moved to meet his, ‘’sorry, I know you don’t want to talk about that time’’ Adam smiled out slightly, his thumb moving along TJ’s neck softly before he was pulling away and moving back up to his feet as he started to walk away.   
‘’I never really did repay you for that ride’’ He heard TJ speak out quiet, his voice still laced with sleep before he turned to look over his shoulder to see him sitting up slowly.  
‘’Yeah you did, you repaid me by coming back in to my life’’ Adam told him before he was disappearing back through the bunks and in to his room where he grabbed his pants and pulled the small guitar pick out and held it in his hands with a soft smile.

Heading back through, Adam watched as TJ lifted his head to look towards him as he walked over and sat down beside him and held his hand out. ‘’I kept this thinking that one day I would be able to return it, or that it would bring me luck and I always hoped that you was okay where ever you may have been after you walked away from me outside of Brad’s place’’ Adam told him softly as he slowly uncurled his fingers, ‘’I found it on the floor of my car a few days after you left and I’ve kept it on me ever since’’  
‘’My pick’’ TJ whispered out as his hand came up and hovered above it, ‘’I had always wondered where it had gone’’ He whispered again before brown eyes turned up to look at him. ‘’you really kept it all these years in hope?’’ He asked as Adam nodded.   
‘’I knew it was stupid really and that we had only know each other less than twenty-four hours but that was one of the best times in my life and I never could stop thinking about you or where you were and whether or not you was still alive’’ Adam admitted as he turned his hand over slowly and let the pick drop down in to TJ’s with a soft smile, ‘’and now three years later it has come back around and returned to its rightful owner.’’  
‘’It’s yours Adam, I can’t take it away from you now’’ TJ tried saying as he tried to place it back in his hand, their skin touching softly as he smiled and shook his head.   
‘’It was never mine TJ, it was always yours to claim back, I was just looking after it for you’’ He smiled at the blond man as he turned to look at him.

**_ ^V^ _ **

Staring down at his guitar pick, Tommy couldn’t help but take a deep breath as he ran his thumb over it and glanced back up at Adam again, he still couldn’t believe that he had kept it all these years in hope of seeing him again and he knew that in some sort of way, he had always hoped to walk in to Adam on a street somewhere or in a store but it had never happened.   
‘’What happened to you in these past years TJ?’’ Adam asked softly as their eyes met again, he wanted to tell Adam, wanted to tell him everything but he was still scared to tell him the truth, looking at Adam’s face, Tommy could feel his heartbeat change before he nodded slightly, more to himself than anything as he decided that he could tell Adam at least half the truth.  
‘’I stayed in motels most of the time, paid for them by buskin on the streets, one of the motel managers and I became friends and he offered me a small job there instead of payment for the room after he found out what I would do’’ Tommy spoke out softly. ‘’soon after that, I found myself another job in a call center and that brought me more money, that’s where I met Mike, we hit it off and he soon told me about looking for a roommate with Dave and I took it, moved out of the motel and in to their place where I could save more money up, went up to New York for about a month before I headed down to Texas before coming back home again’’ Tommy shrugged ‘’other than that, I just worked all the time’’  
‘’Why travel around so much?’’ Adam asked with a small frown, ‘’I remember you hitch hiked from Alaska just to be back in California’’ Adam spoke out as he sat back on the couch and turned slightly so his body was facing Tommy’s own more as he twisted around slightly.  
‘’Lisa’’ Tommy told him before he watched the recognition quickly spread out over Adam’s face.   
‘’Oh the girl you said back in the café in San Fran’’ Adam said as Tommy nodded.

‘’Did you ever find her?’’ Adam asked as Tommy looked up from the pick and shrugged a little,   
‘’Not in person but I’ve come across a few different addresses for her, that’s what Lane was here for the other day, she’s been getting me tickets and backstage passes so I can send them to Lisa in hope it’s the right address’’ Tommy told Adam who looked at him with a soft smile.   
‘’She must mean a lot to you if you’ve been going to all this trouble’’ Adam said softly as he nodded.   
‘’She means everything to me’’ Tommy whispered as he looked up just in time to see a look in Adam’s eyes which almost looked like disappointment to him as he forced a smile out which Tommy knew was fake.  
‘’ I hope you find her’’ Adam told him, his warm hand settling on Tommy’s knee before he was pushing away and heading back towards the kitchen area.

Letting the silence fall between them, Tommy watched as Adam moved around, his hands grabbing cups to make two drinks and he could feel himself wanting to tell Adam the rest of the truth, he wanted to tell Adam everything which had happened before he had picked him up on the side of the road and he wanted to tell him everything which had happened to him after he had walked away from him. Taking a deep breath, Tommy squeezed his fingers around the guitar pick before he looked back up again,   
‘’Hey Adam’’ He spoke out, voice quieter than he wanted it to be but he still heard as he turned blue eyes towards him.   
‘’Yeah TJ’’ He asked.   
‘’I want to…’’ Tommy trailed of quickly before he turned to look towards the front of the bus where the door had opened.   
‘’TJ you want to what?’’ Adam asked as he turned back.   
‘’Don’t worry, its nothing’’ He whispered out as he pushed himself up and headed past and towards the bunks as the others came laughing inside.

_ ^V^ _

Tommy hated it when they had to do a meet and greet after a show, half the time he just wanted to go back to the bus and shower to get all the sweat and grime off him but he couldn’t. Shaking his thoughts away, Tommy finished signing a few things and stepped away again to try and get some space of his own as the other band members chatted away with the fans which had come backstage, his own mind on Lisa as he breathed out. Feeling a hand come down on his shoulder, Tommy jumped and spun around to see Adam grinning at him.   
‘’Sorry baby’’ He chuckled softly, ‘’didn’t mean to make you jump’’  
‘’its fine’’ Tommy shrugged out before he turned his eyes back to the group with the back stage passes.   
‘’She didn’t turn up?’’ Adam asked as Tommy felt his shoulders drop slightly as he shook his head.   
‘’No, I guess I just have to keep looking’’ Tommy told Adam warmly as he nodded.   
‘’Come on, lets go get your guitars, I know how you like your space after the show’’ Adam whispered in to his ear softly as he nodded and let Adam turn him before guiding him back up on to the stage where some of the crew was already taking parts of things down and packing instruments away.

After working away in silence for a few minutes, Tommy paused and glanced over at Adam to see him talking to one of the road crew before Tommy turned and glanced out over the empty venue with a breath before he was turning back as Adam walked towards him.  
‘’We’re all ready to go, just got to load your guitars and the drum stuff and that’s that’’ Adam told him as he nodded and rubbed his hand over the back of his neck slightly. ‘’so why don’t you go on back and make sure you have everything while I watch over this lot’’  
‘’Are you sure? I can stay with you’’ Tommy spoke out as Adam smiled.   
‘’It’s fine TJ, I know how you like to shower and get cleaned up, go I’ll be alright’’ He smiled brightly as Tommy nodded.

Heading back stage again, Tommy glanced around to see the fans gone and he let a breath out as he ran his fingers through his hair and looked around, spotting Ashley, Tommy smiled to himself lightly before it fell again as he walked towards her.  
‘’Hey Bambi’’ Ashley grinned out at him as he shook his head slightly.   
‘’Im never going to be gone from that nick name am I Ash?’’ He asked as she laughed.   
‘’Of course not, unless you change those big Bambi brown eyes of yours’’ She teased which had him smiling slightly before he was turning around once he noticed her staring over his shoulder. Watching as a security guard came walking towards them, Tommy couldn’t help but swallow slightly.   
‘’TJ Ratliff…right’’ He asked as Tommy nodded.   
‘’Yeah that’s me’’ He spoke out as the guard nodded.   
‘’There’s someone trying to get backstage, they have a pass and everything, said you sent it to her and that you asked for her to find you personally’’ He spoke as Tommy froze slightly.   
‘’TJ everything okay man?’’ Isaac called out as he and Brian walked closer, his voice bringing Tommy back as he nodded.   
‘’Im fine’’ He told him before turning back to the guard again who was still waiting. ‘’Has she said who she was?’’ He asked as the guard looking down at the clipboard he was holding.   
‘’Said her name was Lisa’’ HE spoke out.   
‘’Let her through’’ Tommy whispered out, his heart crashing against his chest.   
‘’Are you sure that’s a wise thing to do TJ, I mean all the fans with the back stage passes has come and gone, she could be anyone’’ Isaac spoke out again as he shook his head.  
‘’She isn’t a fan’’ He whispered out before glancing over them and away again as he started to take a few steps but quickly felt a hand go around his wrist.   
‘’What’s going on?’’ Adam’s voice spoke out as he turned to see Ashley holding on to him and Brian laughed.   
‘’TJ has someone coming after him’’ He smirked out as the other laughed.   
‘’Just as long as they aren’t anyone crazy its okay’’ Adam teased which has the others laughing and Ashley letting him go as he pulled his phone out of his pocket and quickly unlocked it.

Moving away from the group slightly, Tommy let himself go through his photos quickly until he came across the one of Lisa her daughter which he had managed to find during his search, hearing Brian laughing loudly, Tommy glanced up before down again as he thumb away and locked his phone again, slipping it back in to his back, he let himself move closer to the band again.   
‘’Tommy’’ Hearing the name, Tommy swallowed slightly and watched the others turn before he slowly turned himself and felt his heart crash against his chest when he saw her take a small step closer before his eyes dropped down to see the little girl hiding behind her legs slightly. ‘’oh my god…Tommy’’ She breathed out, one of her hands moving to her mouth. ‘’It’s really you…god all these years Tommy’’  
Dropping his bag, Tommy was moving towards them and falling in to her arms as they wrapped around him tightly, his own arms moving around her just as tight.  
‘’You’re really here’’ Tommy whispered back as she pulled away, a hand moving up to cup his jaw as his eyes stung with tears.  
‘’Of course I am Tommy, god you’re all grown up’’ She whispered as he laughed wetly and felt the first few tears fall which he quickly wiped away again before his eyes fell down to Lisa’s daughter.  
‘’She’s beautiful’’ He whispered out to her before Lisa was nudging her forward.   
‘’TJ what’s going on?’’ Hearing Isaac’s voice, he breathed out slightly as he shook his head and just stared at his sister and niece who had wrapped her arms around Lisa tightly as she was picked up.  
‘’Bridget, baby, this is your Uncle Tommy’’ She whispered to the little girl who turned large brown eyes to him,   
‘’Tom-Tom’’ She spoke out before Tommy looked up at Lisa as she laughed.   
‘’That’s what she calls you when we talk about you’’ She admitted before he turned back to the little girl who moved and held her arms out, taking her from her mom, Tommy held her closer before he choked on a sob again and wrapped his other arm around Lisa and pulled her closer as he buried his face in to the side of her neck.

Feeling a strong hand on the back of his neck, Tommy pulled away to look up at Adam who had a soft smile on his face as he gave Tommy’s neck a gentle squeeze again. ‘’We’ll meet you back at the hotel okay’’ Adam spoke out before Tommy turned to look at Lisa.   
‘’Do you have a car?’’ He asked as she shook her head.   
‘’No we got a cab here, fly in to come find you’’ She told him as he nodded and breathed out slightly, ‘’we’re staying at the western’’ Staring at her and then Adam again he swallowed slightly.   
‘’Can they come back with us, I mean it’s where we are staying and it saves her money’’ He spoke out as Adam smiled and nodded.   
‘’Of course, there’s plenty of room’’  
‘’Thanks Adam’’

Keeping ahold of Bridget, Tommy turned and glanced at Lisa as she followed before he carefully leaned down and grabbed his fallen bag again and started to pull it over his shoulder before Lisa took it with a soft smile which he returned before looking around at Bridget who had rested her head on his shoulder. Holding the little girl tightly with one arm, Tommy reached back and grabbed Lisa’s with his other as they headed through back stage and towards the exit where thankfully no fans were hanging around.  
Walking across the lot and towards the bus, Tommy pressed light kisses to his niece’s temple every so often before the bus door open and he guided Lisa in before him before he glanced over to Adam and smiled softly before he was climbing up behind her, his eyes dropping down to Bridget again to see her asleep which had him smiling softly before he was looking up and towards Ashley.   
‘’Can I swap bunks with you for tonight?’’ He asked as she smiled and nodded.   
‘’Sure thing Bambi, I would do anything to see that smile again’’ She winked at him which had Tommy grinning and laughing softly before he walked towards the bunks and paused as Ashley pulled her stuff out and swap it with his before he carefully laid Bridget down and pulled the covers up over her sleeping form.

Back in the lounge area, he glanced towards Isaac and Brian to see them looking at Lisa before his own eyes was moving towards her as he walked over and wrapped his arms back around her in a proper hug which she returned.  
‘’So TJ, are you going to introduce us to your lovely girl?’’ Brian hooted out which had Tommy laughing softly as he pulled away and turned to look towards him.   
‘’She isn’t my girl’’ He spoke out as he turned to look at Lisa, ‘’Guys this is Lisa…my sister’’ He spoke out before turning back to look at them before his eyes met Adam’s who looked surprised before it turned in to a large smile.   
‘’You never told us you had family dude’’ Isaac laughed before Ashley punched him and nodded towards the bunks where he blushed, ‘’sorry, anyway, Lisa, did you travel down from Alaska just for the show?’’ HE asked.   
‘’Alaska…hell no, I’ve never been there’’ She laughed softly before Tommy blushed a little.   
‘’I guess I have a lot to explain to you guys’’ Tommy spoke out.   
‘’You do, but first…go shower you stink’’ Lisa teased which had Tommy looking at her with a laugh before he nodded.   
‘’Okay…but no questioning her, it will just be easier for me to explain if you still don’t know anything’’ Tommy told them as they all nodded.   
‘’We promise dude’’ Brian grinned out as Isaac nodded beside him.


	9. Chapter 9

Showered and dressed, Tommy checked on his niece, his body crouched down beside the bunk as he ran light fingertips through her soft hair as he breathed out softly.  
‘’She’s beautiful’’ Turning towards the quiet voice, Tommy looked up at Adam and smiled softly as he nodded.   
‘’She looks like Lisa’’ Tommy whispered back as he adjusted the covers over Bridget’s small body again and slowly stood.   
‘’You never said she was your sister that you were looking for, but then again, when you told me about the homes, I should’ve realized that you were looking for family’’ Adam whispered as Tommy smiled softly and shook his head.  
‘’I kept a lot hidden Adam, its my fault that people thought differently about me, just like you was worried about the tablets I was taking until Ashley told you what they were, you were concerned and the others were too, I was quiet, till am and I keep a lot to myself’’ He shrugged.  
‘’Im just glad you are happy’’ Adam told him in a soft voice before he stepped forward and brought a hand up to Tommy’s jaw with a smile. ‘’you deserve the happiness’’ He whispered as Tommy nodded and watched as Adam walked away again, his touch still warm against his jaw which Tommy moved his own hand up too to touch against the same spot.

Heading back out to the lounge, Tommy looked towards the others before he noticed Lisa sat on the couch watching the others with a smile before he walked over and curled up next to her, once again, his hand sliding in to Lisa’s tightly as he breathed out and she pulled him in to a sideways hug, her own lips brushing over his temple as he closed his eyes and breathed everything about his sister in.  
‘’I have something for you’’ Lisa spoke out which caught the attention of the rest of the band and Tommy as he sat up slightly and looked at her as she reached over for her own bag and pulled out a thick folder which Tommy stared at before he swallowed thickly.  
‘’Bambi are you okay?’’ Hearing Ashley’s voice, he nodded slightly, eyes glue on the file before he looked up at Lisa.   
‘’Why do you have that?’’ He asked as she looked down at it and back at him, her eyes soft as he felt his throat constrict, coughing slightly to clear it, he breathed out again.  
‘’I looked for you every moment I could since I turned eighteen, I even went all the way up to Alaska looking for the Richardson’s’’ Lisa told him as he nodded slightly.  
‘’You’ve read it haven’t you?’’ Tommy asked quietly as Lisa looked down at it.   
‘’Some of it, but I couldn’t read it all’’ She whispered. ‘’god Tommy, even mom cried when I told her that you had gotten in touch’’ Lisa told him before his eyes turned back to look at her in shock.   
‘’Mom’’ Tommy choked out as Lisa smiled and reached for her bag again, watching as she pulled a purse out, Tommy took the photograph she handed him and stared down at it.  
‘’Mom, dad me and Bridget last year’’ Lisa told him as he ran a thumb over the image slowly before he handed it back to her again.   
‘’Im confused about everything’’ Isaac spoke out as Tommy turned to look at him, ‘’Lisa calls you Tommy yet on all your forms it’s TJ’’  
‘’Isaac will you ever shut up’’ Ashley spoke out before she walked over and dropped down beside him and moved her hand to his. ‘’He told us that he would explain everything, god just let him be with his sister for a bit you ass’’  
‘’It’s fine Ash, really’’ Tommy told her as he smiled slightly and glanced up towards Adam who was stood in the space between the lounge and the kitchen area. ‘’Tommy is my real name, TJ is just the initials of my first and second, I started using it when I left Alaska.’’  
‘’Mom named him after our grandfathers on both sides of the family, Thomas and Joseph, mom used to call him Tommy-Joe’’ Lisa spoke out as he turned to look towards her before she laughed softly, ‘’it’s funny that Ashley calls you Bambi because that’s the nickname I used to call you and I wanted to name you Bambi but mom said no’’ Grinning softly, Tommy reached over and squeezed her hand softly.

‘’So what’s the file for?’’ Brian asked as he nodded towards the thick folder on Tommy’s lap still and he breathed out.   
‘’It’s the records of my childhood basically’’ He told him as he glanced down at the folder, ‘’each home I was in and how long I was there until I was shipped off to the next family because of something’’ He shrugged.   
‘’Tommy was put up for adoption when he was two months old, mom and dad didn’t want to do it but we were still living with our grandmother at the time and she refused to let our mom keep him if she still wanted to live there.’’   
‘’I don’t understand’’ Tommy whispered to her as he felt Ashley squeeze his other hand.   
‘’Gran was a total bitch,  controlling, everything you could think off’’ Lisa explained to him, ‘’she was fine when I was born because I was female and Gran loved it, but when mom told her that she was pregnant again, she became even more controlling and made mom give her the monthly checks she got and only let mom and dad have a certain amount of money, when they found out that you were a boy, Gran went ape shit and said that she wouldn’t have another man living under her roof…in all I think she was bat shit crazy and senile but if mom didn’t give you up, she would’ve been kicked out the house with dad but she would’ve kept me’’ Lisa whispered softly as Tommy swallowed and nodded.  
‘’So it was either lose one kid or both’’ he croaked out as she nodded.   
‘’Pretty much yes, mom and dad wanted to keep you but they knew they wouldn’t be able to feed themselves and you plus try and fight for me while having no where to live.’’  
‘’So why didn’t they ever try to find me like you did?’’ Tommy asked as Lisa shook her head.   
‘’I don’t know Tommy’’

‘’So how many homes were you in, that file looks massive’’ Isaac spoke out as Tommy turned to look at him again and then towards Adam who was frowning to himself, his eyes on the floor, almost like he was thinking too hard and Tommy remembered how he had told him about the homes in the car when they first met. Seeing Adam look back up, Tommy smiled softly at him before he pulled his eyes away from the blue ones as he quickly remembered each home, fingertips tapping on the folder as he counted.  
‘’Including the foster homes, altogether there was fifteen before I turned eighteen’’ Tommy told him. ‘’its another reason why I never unpack and that I always have a bag packed near the door, growing up I learnt how not to get attached to someone no matter how nice they may of seemed, I was always moving about.’’  
‘’That’s why you freaked when you first walked in to the audition room and saw Adam’’ Ashley spoke out as he nodded slightly.   
‘’Yeah, Adam was one of the people I met along the way to get to California’’ He spoke out.   
‘’I picked him up about four miles to the golden gate bridge’’ Adam chuckled, ‘’never thought the stray I found would become my guitarist one day’’ Adam teased which had Tommy grinning slightly, Adam’s own smile getting wider.   
‘’Picked up…you were walking?’’ Isaac asked as Tommy nodded.   
‘’Yeah, I hitch hiked down from Alaska as I didn’t have enough money to fly, managed to grab a ride with a trucker from Alaska down to Washington, I couldn’t stuck with him as he was heading down to California but he had to go through a few different states before hand and I didn’t want to wait’’ Tommy spoke out as he turned to look at his sister again. ‘’I wanted to find my sister’’   
‘’you’re an idiot Tommy-Joe’’ Lisa laughed as he shrugged slightly, ‘’how did you know I was in California anyway, I could’ve been anywhere’’ She told him as he nodded.   
‘’I knew that and I still left, I thought if I started out in the place I was born, then I could try and find you that way, I know you moved to New York, I went out there and searched public records for a month before I found out that you moved down south, so I followed before the trail led me back to California’’ Tommy told her before he let both of the girls hands go and sat back, his eyes falling down to the file again which he ran his fingers over.  
‘’Why didn’t you keep it?’’ Lisa asked, ‘’they said you asked for it when you turned eighteen but you just stood in the reception area with a notebook and copied down a few personal information before you handed it back and walked out the door again.’’  
‘’Because it’s a reminder of how bad my life was’’ Tommy whispered out before he swallowed slightly and tried to calm his heart when his chest started to feel a little tighter, ‘’of how shitty my childhood was when others were happy and living a perfect life’’  
‘’Bambi’’ Ashley whispered form beside him as he shook his head.   
‘’I’m fine Ash’’ He told her truthfully as he noticed her nod from the corner of his eyes. ‘’The Robinson’s were the perfect family from what I had read while looking for information, they were the family who adopted me and took my back up to Alaska’’  
‘’How long were you with them?’’ Brian asked as Tommy slowly opened the folder and moved through a few pages before stopping on the first page which held a photograph of the couple, a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips as he ran a finger over them.  
‘’Until I was a year and half nearly two, they were killed in a road accident while out of town to visit one of their sick parents; they left me with a neighbor so I wouldn’t get sick, I can’t really remember them but I remember Mrs. Robinson singing songs to me in another language when I couldn’t sleep’’ Tommy smiled before he shrugged and turned the pages through their file, skipping the photographs of their car crash, Tommy soon came along to the next family which had him breathing out deeply. ‘’How far did you read in to Lisa’’ Tommy asked her as he turned his head up to see his sister glancing towards the bunk area before back again.   
‘’I think I got to the Jones’s before I had to stop, god Tommy that family’’ She whispered as he nodded.   
‘’They were only the third family, the second had me for a month before they gave me back again, they were a foster family and then the Jones’s came along and that was just the start of my hell’’ Tommy spoke out before he was leaning forward and placing the file on the table. ‘’read it for yourself, im going to go check on my niece’’ He mumbled softly before he was standing and heading past them all before pausing next to Adam as he brought a hand up to the back of his neck, just like he had done in the car all that time ago before he was letting go again.

Sitting down beside the bunk, Tommy leaned his arms on it and rested his head as he watched Bridget sleep soundly; her fingers curled around the blanket had him smiling softly before he heard the soft gasp from someone in the lounge area.   
Closing his eyes, Tommy tried to breath past all the memories, he knew that they would read about the abuse he got, the bruises and cuts which would be explained as a clumsy child, the broken bones from hands and feet which was explained as a clumsy child falling over or tripping down the stairs. Each injury built up until they finally took notice that something was wrong and pulled him out the home and placed in to another which seemed like the picture perfect family on the outside, whole white picket fence and smiling kids but they were just as bad, if not worse.  Tommy knew as he watched his niece again that the band and his sister would read about the burns on his upper shoulders from where he had cigarettes put out on his bare skin, how they would lock him in his room for days without food and water, where he would end up soiling himself because a small child couldn’t go to the bathroom. He knew that each entry and account in the file would just get worse and worse until he reached the age of seven when he started to act back, where he would hit others and bite them, how he would attack them for no reason just like others attacked him for no reason.  
Reaching out, Tommy softly tucked a strand of long dark hair behind Bridget’s ear and smiled weakly as she stirred a little, her little nose scrunching up which had him breathing out slightly, for a moment, he felt like it was just him and her in the bus, that they were alone and far away from the truth in the lounge but he knew that wasn’t true.  
Tommy knew how they would read how he started to get in to trouble as he got older, how he would sneak out and not come back to the homes for hours on end and in the end get brought back by the cops because they had reported him missing. But most of all, Tommy was just glad that they wouldn’t read what had happened with one of the family’s, the one page he did pull out of the file and burnt the moment he could, he didn’t want them knowing how a teenager was beat and held down while his step father raped him repeatedly until a neighbor had heard his screams and called the police, he was glad how they wouldn’t have to read that he was in the hospital for three days recovering because he was underweight and needed stitches.

‘’Uncle Tom-Tom’’ Looking up to see big brown eyes staring at him, Tommy smiled brightly at Bridget before he was reaching out and curling his fingers around her hand.   
‘’Hey princess, did you have a good sleep?’’ He asked as she nodded softly and started to sit up which he helped with, ‘’you hungry? Because I know I am, and I think Adam has some chocolate hidden away in the fridge but Shhh, no one isn’t supposed to know that, but we all do, he isn’t very good at hiding things from the others’’ He whispered which had the little girl giggling before holding her hands out to him. Standing, Tommy picked her up and held her close again before he turned and started to walk out of the bunk area and in to the kitchen where he ignored the few glances coming from the lounge and pulled the fridge door open, reaching inside, Tommy moved a few things around before he frowned and shifted a jaw of dip out the way before he grinned. ‘’found it’’ He huffed out which had Bridget laughing again and holding on to his shoulders tighter as he pulled the bar of chocolate out and used his hip to push the door closed.  
‘’Tommy’’ Lisa’s voice warned out before he turned to look at her, his body freezing slightly.   
‘’Its okay isn’t it? I mean she isn’t allergic or anything?’’ He asked quickly, the panic pressing against his chest as he held Bridget a little tighter. ‘’I wouldn’t do anything to harm her’’  
‘’Tommy, its fine, I was just going to say that she hasn’t had any dinner yet’’ Lisa sighed as Tommy breathed out slightly and turned to look at his niece who was staring at the chocolate and lifted her eyes to Tommy’s as he grinned.   
‘’We’ll be alright, we wont eat it all will we princess’’ Tommy grinned as he walked back over and sat back down on the couch between Ashley and Lisa. ‘’no we wont at all because Adam would get grumpy if we did and a grumpy Adam isn’t fun to deal with’’ He mocked whispered to Bridget as he opened the bar and ignored the laughter around him as he broke a piece off and held it out to the little girl in his lap.

.o0o.

With everything they had read, Adam could feel his chest tighten with the pain and want to go and hold Tommy tightly, he could remember him telling him about the homes but he had never said why he moved around so much and it pained him greatly but looking at him now as he sat on the couch with his sister and niece, he couldn’t help but smile towards him, Adam was glad to see a smile back on his face again like he had back when they first met and shared the car ride.  
‘’So you went all the way up to Alaska to find Tommy while he had come down to find you, that’s a tale of romance if you weren’t brother and sister’’ Isaac laughed before Adam watched Ashley kick him as Lisa laughed and nodded.  
‘’I did, I think I hit every dead end to hit with the different homes and changes of last name for him before I finally found Griffens, that’s what led me back here to California because some record had a cop pulling him and who im now guessing was you’’ Lisa spoke out before nodding towards Adam, ‘’over for speeding’’ She grinned as Adam felt his cheeks warm slightly, the same soft blush on Tommy’s face as he glanced over, their eyes meeting with a small smile before he looked away again. ‘’I nearly gave up when the trail went cold but then the idea that Tommy might of changed his name back to our family name came across but I couldn’t find anything at first before I received the later with the tickets and passes for tonight’s show’’ She smiled as he looked back at Tommy.  
‘’It was my last resort too, I had four different address for you and I didn’t know which one so each show I sent them for you and this last one was my last chance’’ Tommy shrugged out as he looked over with a smile.

Feeling the bus starting to slow down, Adam turned and glanced out the window to see the hotel coming in to view before he turned to see everyone starting to pack their things up before Tommy sat forward, a arm wrapping around Bridget before his other arm was flipping the folder closed, his fingers tight around it as he lifted it up and handed it back to his sister,   
‘’Dinner in my room still?’’ Adam asked as he watched his band mates nod and grin towards him.   
‘’Of course big man, why wouldn’t we spend the last night of the tour in your big, big room’’ Isaac grinned, eyes moving towards Bridget before back again as he laughed and patted Adam on the shoulder playfully.  
Shaking his head, Adam headed back through to his room on the bus and grabbed his bag before he was starting to head back again when he noticed Tommy and Lisa still stood in the lounge area before Tommy was handing his niece over and a room key.  
‘’Everything okay’’ Adam asked once she was gone and Tommy turned to look at him with a smile as he nodded.   
‘’Everything’s fine, I gave her my spare room key for your room, she’s going to get herself and Bridget sorted before coming up’’ Tommy told him as Adam nodded and smiled.   
‘’Im glad Tommy, I really am’’ He smiled as Tommy nodded and ducked his head down slightly before back up again as he stepped closer and wrapped his arms around Adam’s body tightly.

Hugging the blond back, Adam breathed out and buried his face in to the side of his neck as his hands softly ran over his back before tightening around his waist again before Tommy was pulling away slowly.  
‘’Thank you’’ He whispered as he stared back down in to brown eyes.   
‘’What for’’ Adam asked as Tommy smiled.   
‘’For never pushing for answers when I knew you wanted to know, just like back then in the car when I told you about how many familiars I had been with’’ Tommy told him softly before he glanced down slightly to where his arm was on Adam’s waist, ‘’and for never asking about what you saw back in the restaurant days ago before I left…I…I had a stupid panic attack over it, Ashley is the only one who knows at the moment and I want to tell you…I really do, I went to tell you today but the others came back and-‘’  
‘’It’s fine Tommy’’ Adam cut in with as brown eyes moved back up, ‘’really, it’s fine, its your pace okay baby, you can explain what you want when you want, im never going to push you to do anything you don’t want too’’ Adam told him as he nodded slightly and smiled up at him.  
‘’That’s why I trusted you when you pulled over that day’’ Tommy whispered, ‘’I was afraid at first with the way you looked at me and they way you called me honey, hell when you mentioned about the motel room I was ready to run but when we were sat in the café and we spoke, I trusted you although I was still scared’’ Tommy admitted, a blush on his cheeks as Adam grinned and ducked his head down slightly to press a kiss to his cheek.  
‘’I’m glad baby, I really am’’ He whispered before pulling away.

Watching Tommy softly, Adam went to step away to walk off the bus before he felt Tommy’s fingers curl around the side of his top tighter before he was leaning up and Adam felt warm lips against his own. Kissing him back slowly, Adam brought a hand up to Tommy’s jaw and lightly touched against it before the blond man was pulling away and giving him a soft smile before he was hurrying off the bus, leaving Adam stood there speechless.


	10. Chapter 10

Standing outside the door to Adam’s room, Tommy could feel his chest tighten with different emotions, he still couldn’t believe he had let himself kiss Adam like he did on the bus, the thought of it making his head spin before he breathed out deeply, the sound of laughter being muffled by the thick wood before he was reaching up and knocking against the door.  
Looking up as the door was pulled open by Isaac, Tommy smiled slightly as he stepped away from the door and he headed inside, pausing to close the door again, Tommy let his eyes move around the room until they landed on Lisa and his niece with a small smile, his feet leading him over to them before he was sitting down on the floor beside Bridget as she turned large eyes on him before she was pushing out of her moms hold and moving to sit on his lap.  
‘’You know, you don’t have to act differently around me just because of the stuff which has happened in the past’’ Tommy spoke out before he lifted his eyes to glance around the quieter room. ‘’I’m still the same guy I was this morning’’  
‘’Yeah but a lot has changed dude, I think we are still trying to process everything’’ Isaac spoke out as Tommy turned to look at him. ‘’so much makes sense now’’ He shrugged out.  
‘’I haven’t changed’’ Tommy told him before he was dropping his eyes down on to his niece again as she moved her hands to his wrist to play with some of the bracelets he had there, feeling her and slip upwards, Tommy quickly looked down before he was moving his other hand up to pull his sleeve back down before he was pulling the bracelets off and handing them to Bridget before he was glancing up to see Lisa’s small frown which quickly vanished again and turned in to a smile.  
‘’So Lisa, what do you do for work?’’ Hearing Brian’s question, Tommy looked away and towards him before he was moving and grabbing a small carton of juice which Bridget was reaching for and handed it to her before he was sitting back again, fingertips running through her hair softly as she shifted to lean against his chest more.  
‘’I work in management for a IT company’’ Lisa spoke out, hearing the door open, Tommy turned to see Adam walking in to his room before their eyes were meeting, turning away quickly and looking down with a small blush, Tommy breathed out before he was wrapping his arms around Bridget and standing before sitting down on the couch.  
‘’Lane’s going to bring dinner up soon’’ Adam spoke out which had Isaac cheering before Ashley was pushing him over.

‘’Oh shit’’ Tommy yelped out as he felt the coldness of the juice box on his top, Bridget’s eyes going wide before he was pulling away from his skin slightly.  
‘’Are you okay’’ Lisa asked as he laughed softly and nodded.  
‘’Im fine, its only juice’’ He grinned at her before he was turning back to Bridget to see her eyes wide, ‘’don’t worry about it princess’’ He told her with a smile as her eyes moved up to his face.  
‘’Im sorry’’ She whispered out which had him laughing softly before pressing a kiss to her cheek.  
‘’its fine’’ He told her again, ‘’go sit with your mom for a minute while I go get a clean top’’ Handing her over, Tommy pushed himself up to his feet and picked at the wet patch on his shirt again.  
‘’I have a clean shirt in my room if you want it’’ Brian spoke out, ‘’Im just across from Adam’’  
‘’It’s fine, I can just grab one from mine’’ He told him with a smile before he was moving towards the door and Adam who was still stood there, his eyes on Tommy before he smiled softly.

Opening the door, Tommy headed out and down the hall towards his own room before he was pulling his key card out of his pocket before he was unlocking his door and pausing to look up as footsteps echoed, seeing Adam walking towards him, he swallowed slightly before pushing his door open and heading inside before he was leaving the door open and moving towards his bed and bags before the sound of the door closing had him swallowing slightly as he pulled another shirt out.

‘’Tommy’’ Adam’s voice was soft as he swallowed gain and glanced through his hair at the other man to see him watching him, his blue eyes bright in the rooms light as he dropped his own away again.  
‘’Im sorry for what I done on the bus’’ Tommy spoke out, ‘’it wasn’t right I know, you’re my boss, it wont happen again’’ He spoke out, his eyes on the top he was still holding before a warm touch against his jaw had him jumping slightly and turning to see Adam stood right next to him.  
‘’I don’t care about that Tommy’’ Adam told him as his thumb an along his cheek softly. ‘’I’m more than just your boss okay, im your friend and you can trust me okay’’ He whispered as Tommy swallowed slightly before he nodded.  
‘’Im just going to go get changed’’ Tommy told him quietly as Adam stepped away.  
‘’You don’t have to hide away in the bathroom Tommy, it’s you room’’ Adam told him as he swallowed slightly and looked towards the bathroom door before back to Adam again as he stepped closer, feeling his hand on his hip, Tommy breathed out before he was swallowing deeply as Adam started to slowly move his hand upwards, his fingers catching under his top as he felt the panic start crashing down on his chest.  
‘’Adam’’ Tommy whispered softly as his hand kept moving up, ‘’please…don’t, no’’ He whispered, eyes closing tightly as he felt Adam’s hand come to rest over the scars on his side.

_‘’What happened’’ The voice was distant before there was a bright light shining in to his eyes before disappearing again, pressure against his side._   
_‘’I don’t know, he came in looking pale, I didn’t really take no notice, he’s pale normally but then he just fell and I saw the blood’’ Another voice spoke out which sounded like the motel manager. ‘’I called you guys straight away’’_   
_‘’that was the good move, he’s already lost a lot of blood and from the wounds, it looks like he has been stabbed a few times’’ The other voice spoke out._   
_‘’Stabbed…but…he’s a good kid, hasn’t gotten in to trouble since I’ve known him, he’s been looking for a job…Christ, is he going to be okay?’’_   
_‘’We won’t know until we get him to the hospital’’ The voice spoke out before Tommy felt movement around him before everything was slowly growing black._

‘’Tommy’’ Adam’s voice whispered against his ear as strong arms wrapped around him, ‘’it’s okay, im sorry’’ He whispered again before Tommy finally noticed that his hand wasn’t under his top any more, that they were both around him and holding him tightly against his chest. ‘’im sorry’’’ He whispered again as Tommy let his eyes open slowly to stare down at his top on the bed before he was moving his arms around Adam.  
‘’How…how did you know about them’’ He asked quietly after clearing his voice slightly.  
‘’Isaac saw them’’ Adam whispered softly, a hand trailing over his covered back as Tommy’s breath hitched.  
‘’They all know’’ He whispered before he felt the movement of Adam nodding.  
‘’You were pulling yourself up in to your bunk and he said your top rose and he saw them…god what happened baby’’ He whispered brokenly.  
‘’Three days’’ Tommy whispered as he squeezed his eyes shut before shaking his head again. ‘’I can’t…im sorry’’ Tommy whispered as he pulled away from Adam, grabbing his top, Tommy headed in to his bathroom and locked the door behind him.

_ ^V^ _

‘’Is Tommy okay’’ Turning to look at Tommy’s sister, Adam nodded with a soft smile as he closed the door behind him.  
‘’Yeah, he’s fine, just changing’’ Adam told her as he walked over and sat down, his smile turning towards her daughter as he held his hand up to her which had her laughing and clapping against his.   
‘’Here, Lane brought dinner up while you were gone again’’ Ashley spoke out before she was handing a box over towards him.  
‘’Oh right, thanks’’ He grinned as he took it along with the plastic curtly and opened it open.

Eating slowly, Adam listened to the others talking around him, his eyes moving towards Tommy every so often since he had gotten back and Isaac had let him in, his own dinner sat on his lap and another long sleeved shirt on his body before he turned his eyes away as he wondered what Tommy had meant by three days. He knew that he shouldn’t of done what he had done by pushing his hand up to touch against the scars on his side, but the wonder had gotten the better of him and he didn’t know what to do the moment he did and Tommy seemed to fold in on himself, the pain clear across his face, almost as if he was remembering what had happened before Adam had moved his hand away and wrapped him up in a tight hug as he shook against his body.

‘’So what have you guys got planned for now you’ve finished the tour up?’’ Lisa asked from beside him as she sat back with her daughter asleep against her chest.  
‘’Im going off on tour again with another musician I play for’’ Brian spoke out, a grin on his lips as he looked towards Adam who laughed slightly, ‘’before coming back in time for the next show Adam has planned in about three months’’  
‘’And what are you doing between now and then?’’ Lisa asked him as Adam chuckled softly,  
‘’I have a few small appearances on different things, nothing too big which needs a keyboardist’’ He smirked towards Brian who scoffed slightly. ‘’but other than that, it’s just a nice big break to relax in.’’  
‘’Sounds good’’ She grinned.  
‘’Im heading off for a month and half to my parents ranch to help them out with their horses, coming back whenever Adam needs me for the appearances’’ Ashley chimed in with a smile as Lisa laughed softly.  
‘’And what about you Isaac’’ She asked.  
‘’Spending the break with my wife’’ He nodded, a soft smile over his lips before Brian knocked him over and it broke out in to a soft laughter.

Letting the chatter go on for a while, Adam cleared away the take away boxes and pushed them all in to the trash can before the sound of movement caught his attention and he turned to see Lisa standing carefully with Bridget.  
‘’Im going to head back to my room and get this one I to bed’’ She spoke out softly as Tommy stood and grabbed the bag she had brought with her. ‘’I’ll be fine on my own Tommy’’ Lisa told him softly as he nodded slightly and reluctantly handed her bag over before she smiled softly. ‘’I’ll meet you downstairs for breakfast okay, we can talk more then’’ She told him as he nodded and smiled at her.  
‘’Sure, I’ll be down around eight’’ Tommy told her before Adam was turning away and heading over to his bag which was set on the bed before he was digging through it for some sweatpants and another top before he was heading in to the bathroom.  
Changed and headed back out, Adam glanced over to see Isaac and Ashley sat together on the couch, Brian in the chair which left Tommy on the love seat, their eyes on the TV which he had noticed had been put on before he walked over slowly and sat down beside his guitarist, an arm moved up over the back as he got more comfortable and turned to the TV to see some re-run of whatever box-set they had been watching on the bus and other hotel nights.

_.o0o. _

Watching the others starting to pack their stuff up to go back to their own rooms, Adam glanced over at Tommy to see that he was fast asleep, his body leaning against the back of the love seat before there was a soft laugh and Adam turned to see Ashley staring at him.  
‘’Should we wake him’’ She asked before Adam shook his head.  
‘’No, let him sleep a little longer, I’ll wake him before it gets too late’’ Adam told her as she nodded slightly. Bidding the three of them goodnight, Adam reached over and turned the TV off before he was standing and walking over to his bed where he tugged his bag off and on to the floor before he was sitting on the edge, his phone in his hands as he brought his twitter app up.

‘’Where’s everyone?’’ Hearing Tommy’s sleep filled voice a while later, Adam looked up from where he had still be staring at his phone to see him pushing himself up fully, a and rubbing at his eyes before it moved through his hair and he stretched slightly.  
‘’They headed back to their rooms about half  an hour ago’’ Adam told him as he stood and walked back over and sat down again as Tommy nodded and slowly swung his legs around to sit. ‘’I was going to leave it an hour before I woke you’’  
‘’should’ve woken me’’ Tommy told him as he glanced over, his brown eyes meeting Adams which had him smiling softly before he reached out and softly tucked a piece of hair back behind his ear.  
‘’You looked peaceful’’’ Adam whispered, ‘’didn’t want to disturb you’’ Dropping his hand away again, Adam smiled at him softly before he was pushing to his feet and moving back towards his bed where he grabbed his phone, his fingers swiping over the surface and setting himself an alarm before he was placing it back down on to his night stand. Turning, he looked up to see Tommy stood at the end, his eyes on his hands which were playing with the bottom of his hoody as he breathed out deeply.

_ ^V^ _

‘’What’s wrong?’’ Adam asked as Tommy glanced up through his hair and swallowed around the lump in his throat again.  
‘’I don’t want to hide anymore’’ He whispered as he lifted his head up to stare across at the taller man, the confusion clear on his face as he turned fully and sat on the bed.  
‘’You know you don’t have to hide with us Tommy, we aren’t going to think differently.’’ Adam told him before he was shaking his head, his throat drying slightly.  
‘’I don’t want to hide from you’’ He whispered, ‘’but there’s more to me than you can see and I’m not sure you would like the rest of me, I know that sometimes, I don’t like the rest of myself’’ Tommy told him thickly as he took a small step around the be until he was standing in front of Adam. ‘’back when we first met, I kept things hidden, I closed myself off from trusting people because I’ve never been able to trust anyone in my life until I met the trucker and then you Adam, you helped rebuild that trust a little with everything you said to me’’ Swallowing, Tommy looked down at his hands again which was shaking before he was breathing out deeply, ‘’when you first said about me staying with you in the motel, I was shit scared, im not going to lie, since a kid and coming back to California, a lot of things have happened and some of them I would rather forget but I cant.’’  
‘’Hey…it’s okay baby, you don’t have to tell me anything’’ Adam told him quietly as he reached up and covered his hands with slightly warmer ones before he was being guided down to sit beside him.  
‘’I want to tell you…I, I want you to trust me and know me for the real person, not the mask I built for myself’’ He told him as he looked up at blue eyes which nodded.  
‘’Okay, just talk to me okay baby, I wont say a word until you’re ready’’ Nodding to his words, Tommy breathed out and moved on to the bed further as he curled his legs under him slightly.  
‘’I get flashbacks sometimes of things in the past, the first one I had had in a while was the second time I came to play for you, I got called pretty and it triggered it, that’s why I ran out the room and to the bathroom…it’s also when Ashley found out why I were long sleeves all the time, I couldn’t get them back down in time before she was sitting beside me, its also why she kicked you all out and why I go to her for my panic attacks.’’ Looking down at his sleeve’s, Tommy swallowed a little before he was slowly pushing one up before moving to the other, turning his arms over, he bit at his lip as he showed the scars to Adam.

‘’Oh baby’’ Adam whispered before he was moving a hand out as if he was going to touch before he was stopping. ‘’can I touch’’ He asked as Tommy nodded. Watching Adam’s fingers trace over a few of the lines, Tommy swallowed deeply as his touch ran over one of the larger ones which ran through the tattoo he got to try and cover it.  
‘’I got that one before I met you, I had just left the trucker in Washington and I was trying to get to Salem and a guy offered me a ride, I ignored all the warning signs which were there with the way he would stare at me and the way he said he would go anywhere for me’’ Tommy whispered as Adam’s fingers curled around his arm, his palm flat against the scar. ‘’I cant remember what happened but I woke up and was really groggy…I…he, the guy Greg, he had to of drugged me or something because I had caught him off guard and he yelled that I should’ve still been out of it’’ Swallowing thickly, Tommy let his eyes close as he felt the tears starting to sting at his eyes.  
‘’Its okay baby, you’re safe’’ Adam whispered as he nodded slightly.  
‘’I…its just hard’’ He whispered before he was opening his eyes again, not wanting to replay the images on closed eyelids. ‘’he leant back in to his car for something…I don’t know’’ He whispered, ‘’the road was empty and it was dark, my things had been chucked to the side of the road, the scars are from the stones on the ground where I scrapped over them, I have some on my back too’’ He whispered. ‘’I took the time of him being distracted to get my pants back up’’ Tommy admitted in a small voice as Adam’s hand tightened slightly around his arm. ‘’ I remember kicking out at him before I turned and tried to run but he caught me tripped me, he cut me with something but I kicked him again before grabbing my things and running despite the pain’’ He whispered, the tears in his eyes as he reached up and quickly wiped at his eyes, ‘’I just remember the pain the most’’

Letting himself be pulled in to the hug by Adam, Tommy buried his face against the broad chest as his body shook slightly, Adam’s soothing hands running over his back lightly as he whispered soft things in to his ear, his own fingers holding on to Adam’s top tightly as he tried his best not to cry.  
Feeling Adam shift around him before he was being moved on to his side, Tommy allowed the trust he had in Adam to keep him safe as Adam curled around his frame from behind, his arms holding him tightly against his chest as Tommy tried to calm his breathing.

‘’Is that how you got those marks?’’ Adam asked quietly from behind before Tommy shook his head.  
‘’Only one of them’’ He whispered, ‘’after that attack, I just kept walking until a car pulled up beside me, it was a women and she tried to get me to the hospital but I refused so she took me to her place instead and patched me up and let me stay a few days until I felt better enough to leave and walk without being in pain’’ He told Adam before he felt the slight movement of a nod behind him. ‘’She gave me a lift in to Salem and after that I wouldn’t get in another car with a man until you’’ He admitted. ‘’cars just kept passing me by and then you stopped and then I saw you were a man and the way you looked at me and it scared me but I was tired from walking and I caved in to the lift. I tried to keep myself awake as much as I could but I couldn’t. when we stopped in the bay and I left for that hour, it was because I went to get myself checked out again, I did it every time I could find a free clinic, I just didn’t want to suddenly find out that I had some sort of disease, the results wasn’t going to be ready until that next morning so I got them sent to Fresno’’ Breathing out, Tommy let himself stare across the room before he was dropping his eyes down and let his own arm come up to wrap over Adams. ‘’that night when we got to the motel room, I was still scared because there was only one bed, and when you came out and stood over me, I panicked slightly and I nearly ran before you grabbed your bag’’  
‘’I remember that’’ Adam whispered softly, his breath warm against Tommy’s skin.  
‘’You gained more of my trust when you talked to me abut how you felt and how you offered to put the pillows between us so you wouldn’t grab a hold of me during the night.’’ Tommy explained, ‘’I woke up that next morning, you were still sleeping, your arms around the pillow just like you said before I slipped out and found the clinic  to get my results, I had just only opened then when you woke up’’

Letting the silence fall between them for a short amount of time, Tommy watched Adam’s fingers softly stroke over one of the scars on his wrist slowly, almost like he didn’t realize that he was doing it before there was a small sigh behind him and he was being pulled in against Adam’s body tighter as the singer hugged him, his face buried against the side of his neck as Adam held him.

‘’You just kept building my trust with everything you did on the drive, the most when you finally let me drive and you sleep more again, people wouldn’t normally do that with someone they picked up on the side of the road with’’ Tommy whispered, not really wanting to disturb the soft peace around them.  
‘’I trusted you’’ Adam whispered from behind.  
‘’I always regretted walking away from you’’ Tommy admitted quietly. ‘’I felt safe with you’’  
‘’Can I ask you something, I now I said I wouldn’t say anything but it’s been repeating ever since you said it to me’’ Adam whispered before Tommy nodded slowly.  
‘’Sure’’  
‘’What did you mean by saying that you were somewhere where I could keep an eye on you, that no more harm was going to come to you while I was around?’’  
Breathing out softly, Tommy bit at his lip before he was letting Adam’s arm go and slowly moved until he was laid facing Adam, the singer’s blue eyes watching him carefully as he swallowed a little and reached for Adam’s hand before moving it up under his shirt to touch against the scars on his side which was raised.  
‘’Around you I felt the safest’’ Tommy whispered as he moved his hand away and dropped his eyes slowly, ‘’three days after I walked away from you…three days was all it took for me to get hurt again’’ He whispered softly, ‘’I nearly died, I was heading back to the motel I was staying at when I got pushed in to an alleyway and threatened, the guy wanted whatever money I had but I didn’t have anything, the only way I could leave the motel was to leave my things with the manager and the key with him because I couldn’t pay, once the guy realized he started to beat me up before he stabbed me’’ Tommy whispered, the small throb of phantom pain a constant reminder about that night, ‘’I didn’t realize it at first, I guess the adrenaline from the beating was still running through me but I got back to the motel, I collapsed there and the manager called the paramedics, if it wasn’t for his quick thinking of tying to stop the bleeding, I could’ve died’’  
‘’Fuck baby’ Adam whispered, his hand slipping around on to Tommy’s bare back as he pulled him closer, stiffening at first, Tommy let his eyes squeeze shut before he slowly let himself relax in to Adam’s hold again, his own arm curling around Adam’s body.

Staying like that for a while, Tommy could feel himself starting to fall asleep again from the warmth of Adam’s touch which was running over his skin slowly, the thought of someone touching against the scars on his body so freely just a drifting thought in the back of his mind as he pulled away slightly.  
‘’I should go back to my room’’ Tommy whispered tiredly as he pulled back to look up at Adam to see him looking just as tired.  
‘’Stay’’ Adam whispered as he trailed his hand back around on to Tommy’s side, his fingertips running over the scars which sent a small shiver through his body before Adam was pulling it away and moving his hand up to tuck a strand of hair behind Tommy’s ear again. ‘’I can put the pillows between us like old times’’ He whispered with a small smile which had Tommy laughing softly before he was biting his lip and looking down before back up again.  
‘’You don’t have to do that’’ He whispered as Adam nodded.  
‘’Only if your sure’’  
‘’I trust you’’ Tommy told him softly before he was leaning up and softly brushing his lips against Adam’s almost shyly before he felt Adam’s hand lightly touch against the side of his neck as he kissed back. Letting himself kiss him a little deeper, Tommy pulled back slowly, a small blush on his cheeks before he was rolling over again, his body moving until he was under Adam’s covers as Adam tuned the light out, the bed moving slightly before he was back again, a warm arm wrapping around Tommy’s waist and a broad chest against his back as he felt Adam press a kiss to his clothed shoulder.  
‘’Thank you for letting me in’’ He whispered as his fingers found Tommy’s hand and laced them together.  
‘’I didn’t want to lie to you anymore’’ Tommy whispered back as he brushed his thumb across Adam’s hand, the weight on his chest and shoulders seemed to be less as he let a deep breath out and relaxed back fully as Adam pressed another kiss to the back of his neck.  
‘’Goodnight Tommy’’ He whispered, his breath warm and comforting as Tommy smiled to himself.  
‘’Night Adam’’ He whispered back.


	11. Chapter 11

Slipping out of Adam’s room, Tommy checked over his shoulder one last time to see that the other man was still sleeping soundly, his arm around a pillow which he moved in place of himself before he was pulling the suite door closed quietly, the soft snick telling him that it had locked.  
Heading back in to his own hotel room, Tommy took a quick shower and dried off again before he was dressing and was out of the room in less than half an hour before he was finding himself walking downstairs to the large restaurant area. Spotting his sister already sat at a table with Bridget, Tommy smiled to himself as he headed towards a large table which held different food and drinks on it, with his breakfast in one hand and a coffee in the other, Tommy headed over to his sister table and placed everything down as she glanced up, her own large smile filling out over her face.   
‘’You looked like you slept well for sleeping on a hotel couch’’ Lisa commented as Tommy laughed softly.   
‘’I did, best night sleep in a long time and I, im I actually slept in Adam’s bed with him’’ He confessed which had her smiling again.   
‘’Oh yeah Tommy-Joe’’ Lisa teased as Tommy blushed slightly.   
‘’It wasn’t like that, I, I actually let Adam further in, I told him a few things from before I met him and afterwards and he held me while I broke down a little’’ Tommy whispered out to his breakfast before he was picking his coffee up and taking a sip, ‘’I fell asleep in his arms which is something because it’s the first time I’ve let a guy touch me like that in a long time so freely with my guards down’’  
‘’Tommy’’ Lisa whispered as he looked back up at her and offered a small smile.  
‘’Its in my past now, I don’t want to go through any of that again and I trust Adam with what I told him’’ Tommy smiled, ‘’I haven’t told him everything and I will one day…maybe but until then I just didn’t want to hide as much from him as I have done’’ He shrugged.

Eating in soft silence, Tommy took turns in watching Bridget as she ate so Lisa could eat her own breakfast too, feeling a hand on his arm, Tommy glanced down before the sudden realization that he had put a short sleeve top on came to mind before his eyes was lifting to meet Lisa’s, a soft smile on her face which he returned as he moved his hand up and covered hers.   
‘’You don’t have to worry no more about that’’ Tommy whispered softly as she nodded.   
‘’Im glad Tommy, I don’t want to see you hurting yourself’’ She told him.   
‘’Most of them are from scrapes over the years from falling down and stuff like that’’ He told her as she nodded. ‘’so tell me about everything, I want to know’’ Tommy asked as Lisa laughed softly.   
‘’Where do you want me to start’’ She asked as Tommy shrugged and grinned at Bridget as she tugged on his arm for more food.   
‘’Start with mom and dad’’ He said as he glanced over and picked his coffee up, ‘’they may of giving me up but they are still my parents’’  
‘’Mom and dad met when they teens and had me quite early on, that’s why they married but that was also own to the wicked which we called Gran, she wanted dad to be there for mom and me and he wanted to be there anyway, then when I was about eight you came along’’ Lisa smiled. ‘’but mom and dad are really nice, they love Bridget to bits, I thin they try to be in her life as much as they can for what they missed out on with you, but mom is called Dia, dad’s name is Ron. What else can I tell you…oh they were always pretty laid back as I grew up, weren’t too strict unless that was because I hardly went out’’ Lisa grinned as Tommy laughed softly.  ‘’we moved out of Grans place about a year after you were born, mom and dad did try to get you back but they soon found out that Gran had filed your adoption as closed so they couldn’t find any information out at all.’’  
‘’So they did try to find me at first’’ Tommy asked as Lisa nodded.   
‘’Yeah, the only information they gave was that you were adopted pretty quickly, I think they said that you were in the home for roughly four days before the first family met you’’ She smiled as Tommy nodded softly.  
‘’Didn’t they have any more kids?’’ He asked quietly as he sat back in his chair, fingers wrapped around his cup as Lisa smiled sadly.   
‘’They did at first, when they told me I got upset, I remember it clearly, it was over dinner and mom took my hand while dad took hers and they told me that they wanted to try for another child so I wasn’t the only child, I got upset and yelled a lot of things at them which a eleven year old shouldn’t of even known, I think one of those things were something about how could they just forget you like that and that you were still my brother and that I wasn’t alone’’ Lisa told him as Tommy laughed and shook his head slightly.

‘’That sounded like a fun time’’ Tommy grinned as Lisa nodded.   
‘’I don’t think I spoke to mom or dad for a few days after that, I mean, I had always talked about you with my friends and written about you in school reports things like that, I used to confuse teachers a lot’’ She smiled as she reached across and took one of Tommy’s hands in hers again.  
‘’And what about you Lisa, are you happy?’’ Tommy asked as he stroked his thumb across her hand as she looked at Bridget and nodded with a smile before she turned back.   
‘’Very happy’’ She smiled.   
‘’And what about her dad’’ Tommy whispered quietly, ‘’is he around’’  
‘’Yes he is Tommy, so don’t worry about us struggling okay’’ She told him, ‘’Alex is lovely and im sure you would get on with him greatly, he did want to come with us both but he had to work and couldn’t get the time off’’  
‘’Im sure I’ll meet him soon’’ Tommy smiled.   
‘’So where have you been living these past few years?’’ Lisa asked.   
‘’Well up until the start of October last year, I had been living with two other guys I had met not that long after I arrived in California, we became friends and they quickly offered me their spare room which I took, before that, I guess I was just living day to day from different motels and stuff like that but I have a apartment in Burbank now’’ He smiled before glancing back up to see Lisa staring at him with wide eyes, ‘’Lis?’’   
‘’Burbank’’ She asked as he nodded, ‘’fuck Tommy…all this time and you have been living so near everyone’’ She whispered, ‘’mom and dad live in Burbank and me and Alex are always going to visit them’’ Staring at her, Tommy couldn’t believe his luck as her fingers squeezed his and he let a laugh out.

Looking across the room as laughter broke out, Tommy smiled softly when he noticed the rest of the band apart from Adam headed in and towards the large breakfast table before he turned back again as he leaned forward and put his fruit on to Bridget’s tray, his eyes glancing towards Lisa to see her looking in another direction before he was sitting back again and just stared at Bridget.   
‘’She looks so much like you’’ Tommy told Lisa as he looked up at her to see her smiling widely before looking at her daughter, an eyebrow raising at the extra fruit as she turned back to Tommy and he shrugged from behind his coffee as she shook her head with a grin. ‘’so what made you look for me after all these years?’’ Tommy asked quietly as he put his empty cup down.   
‘’It was Alex actually, he came walking in to the kitchen one morning saying that Bambi was here and I dropped the cup I had been holding to turn around and stare at him before he shook the DVD at me slightly, I had forgotten that I had ordered it’’ She chuckled softly. ‘’Then Alex remembered what he had said and I don’t think he had been so apologetic before, but I told him not to worry and I sat down with him and we worked out how old you would be now and everything like that, he started to call some of his friends and we managed to find a loop hole in the adoption system and we managed to find some information for you which was your very first family so that led me to Alaska’’ She smiled and shrugged, ‘’and the rest was just a train wreck in trying to find you.’’  
‘’It wasn’t easy for me to find you either, New York…Nashville, talk about random Lis’’ Tommy grinned as she laughed.   
‘’That was with Alex’s work, he was a part time lawyer but he’s based in California now so no more moving around which is great because it means its just in time for this one to start school’’  
‘’Morning’’ Turning Tommy smiled towards Isaac and Brian as they came closer and sat down at a table.  
‘’Morning guys’’ Tommy told them before he was turning back. ‘’im going to grab another coffee, do you want anything?’’ Tommy asked Lisa as she glanced at her daughter and back.   
‘’Yeah sure, I’ll just have another juice and maybe a juice for Bridget if they have any more’’ She told him as he nodded.

Standing, Tommy pressed a kiss to the top of Bridget’s head before he was walking across the room  with his empty cup, filling it will coffee again, Tommy added some sugar before he was grabbing a juice carton and placed it with his coffee as he went to grab another glass for Lisa.  
‘’Morning Bambi’’ Turning, Tommy smiled towards Ashley as she came over and threw her arms around his neck in a hug, wrapping his around her waist as he returned it, he smiled as she pulled back, her arms sliding down over hers as she smiled at him softly. ‘’proud of you’’ She whispered with a wink as he laughed and shook his head slightly.   
Balancing everything in his hands as he headed back over to their table, Tommy pushed Lisa’s glass towards her before he was pulling the straw off and piercing the box and placing it in front of Bridget before he was sitting back down himself again.  
‘’So you and Ashley huh’’ Lisa whispered quietly as he looked up and then towards Ashley and back again.   
‘’What…oh…no’’ He told her, ‘’that would be wrong, she’s like another sister to me, helped me through a lot since I first joined the band’’   
‘’so is there anyone in Tommy-Joe’s life at the moment?’’ Lisa asked with a smile as Tommy shrugged slightly.   
‘’Not really’’ Tommy told her as he glanced around the room again to see Adam sitting down with the rest of the band, meeting Adam’s eyes, Tommy smiled back at him before he was turning slowly, his eyes dropping back down to his coffee before he was looking up at his sister who was smirking.  
‘’I see…but you want there to be’’ She told him quietly as he felt his cheeks warm slightly.   
‘’No, we’re just friends’’  
‘’Uh huh, friends who share the same bed and hug all night’’ She teased as he groaned lightly and sunk down in the chair, bringing his hand up to run over his face, he shook his head slightly before he dropped it back down on to the table again. ‘’tell me baby brother, have you kissed yet?’’ She asked as Tommy stared at his cup and wished for her question to go away. ‘’you have haven’t you’’ She squeaked as he looked up and glared towards her.   
‘’Shut up’’ He groaned as she laughed.   
‘’Is he good, how many times have you kissed’’ She asked as she leaned forward and rested her chin in her hand as he shook his head.   
‘’I hate you and im going to pack’’ Tommy told her as she laughed brightly, the warmth still bright on his cheeks as he got up and walked around her before her hand shot out and caught his wrist.  
‘’Remember Tommy…use protection’’ She winked as he felt his cheeks grow hotter.   
‘’How can you be related to me…oh my god’’ He gasped out. hearing laughter, Tommy glanced towards the rest of the band to see them watching as he groaned. ‘’okay whatever, I hate you all, goodbye im going to pack’’ He spoke out before he was turning and quickly fleeing the room to head back to his own again. 


	12. Chapter 12

** January 27th 2010 **

Flipping through different magazines, Tommy let a soft sigh out as he marked another page and dropped it down on to the floor as his eyes lifted up to the wall where he had a few different patches of paint on them, the choice still unsure in the back of his mind as he glanced around the mess of his lounge before the loud knock on his front door had him jumping and freezing again before he shook it off and pushed himself up off the floor and headed towards the door where he peered through the little spy hole to see that it was Adam. Unlocking the door with a soft smile, Tommy pulled it open slightly before he was heading back towards the lounge again where he sat and picked up a magazine which had different paint colors in, hearing the door closed, Tommy glanced up and back down to the book again.  
‘’What’s going on?’’ Adam’s voice broke out as Tommy looked up towards him again to see his own eyes taking in all the magazines and booklets along with the pieces of paper attached to different places and the more furniture which he had let himself buy to fill the apartment.  
‘’Decorating’’ Tommy told him as blue eyes turned towards him, ‘’I want to make something mine, I’m tired of running and always having a bag packed’’  
‘’That’s good’’ Adam grinned as he pulled his jacket off and glanced towards the wall which had the patches of paint on, ‘’those your choices?’’ He asked as he turned to look back towards Tommy and moved to sit on the floor beside him.   
‘’Was, but I’m not so sure any more’’ Tommy frowned as he stared at the colors, ‘’why is decorating so hard for?’’ He asked which had Adam laughing softly before he was moving to lean against Tommy’s shoulder as they both turned back to the paint booklet in his hands.  
Spending an hour or two on picking, Tommy couldn’t help but laugh at some of the things Adam picked out and said he should have in a teasing way before they were both pulling their jackets on and grabbing keys before they were leaving and heading down to Adam’s car.

‘’Now are you sure that this is the color you want?’’ Adam asked once they had gotten to the universal store, his hands holding the tins of midnight blue as Tommy stared at him, his face horror stricken slightly.  
‘’Don’t ask me that’’ He told Adam, ‘’you’re making me doubt the choice now’’  
‘’Relax baby’’ Adam chuckled as he leaned over and pressed a kiss to his cheek, ‘’it’s a perfect color for your bedroom’’ He grinned as he added two tins to their cart, ‘’now you said you wanted a charcoal gray for the lounge didn’t you?’’ Adam asked as he glanced over to see a small blush on Tommy’s face as he nodded.   
‘’Yeah as well as cream, you know how I wasn’t sure about having just one wall the gray and the rest like a cream, but I want that now, it will go with the furniture I’ve ordered’’ He told Adam who nodded with a smile. Walking around the store, both Adam and Tommy added a few more things in to the cart for both of their places before they were turning in to the bedding section.   
‘’This feels so weird’’ Adam chuckled as Tommy glanced over at him with a confused look.   
‘’What do you mean?’’ He asked as he turned back again and picked up a packet of black sheets along with some white and red before putting them in the cart.  
‘’I mean…I don’t think I’ve ever gone shopping with someone for bed sheets and bedding’’ He chuckled. ‘’it all feels so domestic really’’   
‘’is that a bad thing?’’ Tommy asked as he glanced over at him, his fingers idling on the edge of the cart as Adam smiled and shook his head.   
‘’Of course it’s not…I meant it in a good way…I mean I’m enjoying the time spent with you’’ He smiled as he reached over and let his hand squeeze the back of Tommy’s neck before he was moving it away again, his head turning to look at some other things which made Tommy smile as he turned away again and slowly wondered away from him as he looked through different bedding.  
Returning with a few in his arms, he let them drop down in to the cart before he was smiling up at Adam as he put some rich purple looking sheets in which looked nice.  
‘’Anything else?’’ Tommy asked as Adam looked the cart over and shrugged a little.   
‘’I don’t think so, is there anything you need?’’ He asked as Tommy thought before he glanced around, ‘’I need some frames actually, the blind I have in the bathroom needs to be put up’’ He told him as Adam nodded and pushed the cart towards him.   
‘’Your turn to push’’ He teased as Tommy laughed and playfully kicked his shin as they started to walk towards the aisle they needed.

_ ^V^ _

‘’I still cant believe you paid for all of this stuff and then you paid for my groceries too’’ Tommy complained as they finally finished bringing it all up to the apartment and put it all in the lounge.  
‘’I wanted too’’ Adam told him as he sighed and turned to look towards him.   
‘’Still, I have my own money now and it was way to much’’ Tommy told him as he pulled his jacket off and dropped it on the back of his couch before he was moving towards one of the bags and started to pull the sheets out with the bedding.  
‘’I wanted to do it Tommy, honestly, it wasn’t that much’’ Adam grinned as he took the packets from Tommy’s arms, his fingers grazing across Tommy’s bare arms as he frowned.   
‘’Adam, it was over two hundred dollars altogether’’   
‘’Bedroom right?’’ Adam asked with a slight smirk as he started to walk away much to Tommy’s protests.   
‘’You’re an ass Lambert’’ Tommy shouted out after him as he turned back to some of the other bags and started to pull the tins of paint out. Smiling to himself, Tommy took the gray paint over to the main wall he wanted to paint and placed them down on top of the cover which was already on the floor from when he done the samples before he’s moving back and grabbing the paint for the bedroom and headed down to find Adam stood near the window.   
‘’The view is gorgeous here’’ He was told as Adam glanced over and smiled softly.   
‘’Another reason why I took it’’ Tommy teased as he headed back out again and moved in to the bathroom where he pulled his shirt and jeans off before he was pulling a pair of sweat pants and a old top on before he was heading out again just as Adam came out his room.  
‘’You’ve changed’’ Adam stated as Tommy laughed and shrugged.   
‘’Wanted to get a start on the painting already so then I don’t have to move everything again once the furniture has turned up’’ He told him as Adam nodded.   
‘’Just tell me what to do and I’ll do it’’  
‘’I guess everything just needs to be put away, you can put anything of yours in my room for now if you want’’ Tommy explained as they both headed back in to the lounge.

Grabbing the packet of brushes they had brought, Tommy headed towards the paint and knelt down, opening the tins, Tommy grabbed the small mixing stick and gave the paint a quick stir before he was pouring some out in to the tray. Letting himself fall in to the soft silence as he started to paint, Tommy listened to Adam moving about, the sounds of bags rustling before he would pause to look over and answer him every so often if he wasn’t sure before he turned back to paint again, the gray looked amazing against the wall already and he was starting to wonder if he would need only the one coat or if he would have to give it another once it had dried.  
By the time the wall had been painted completely, Adam had everything packed away and was sat on the couch just watching him before he was moving around to sit down too, his eyes skating over the wall with a small smile as he glanced towards Adam.

Looking away from Tommy as he moved around and sat, Adam let his eyes run over the rest of the apartment before his eyes fell on the three guitars which sat on their stands and near the window, smiling at it softly, he turned back to find Tommy already watching him and Adam couldn’t help but think about how much he wanted to ask Tommy about the kisses which they shared while on tour but he knew that he had to let Tommy be the one to approach him about it despite how much he wanted to be with Tommy.  
‘’What?’’ Tommy asked, his lips curling up in to a grin as Adam shook his head.   
‘’Nothing’’ He teased back which earned him a raised eyebrow before he was turning to look around at everything, out the corner of his eye he could see Tommy doing the same before he groaned lightly.  
‘’I guess I should start tidying up’’ He mumbled as Adam chuckled softly and nodded. ‘’don’t know what you’re laughing about Mr. you are helping me’’ Tommy told him as he pushed himself up and started to pick some of the magazines up and close them again.  
Moving from the couch, Adam started to help Tommy to tidy until pretty much everything was either packed away or stacked against the wall and just out of the way before Tommy was moving to wash the brushes out under the tap in kitchen before resting them against the side to dry out as he headed back over.   
‘’All finished?’’ Adam asked as Tommy glanced around and nodded.   
‘’Yeah…I’m just going to take a quick shower’’ Tommy told him as he smiled softly.   
‘’Take your time’’ Adam told him as he nodded and quickly disappeared down the hallway again.  
Hearing the shower get turned on, Adam let a soft breath out as he leaned against the back of the couch, his eyes closed for a few moments before he was opening them again and letting them move around the room again. Spotting photographs on the mantel above his fire place, Adam smiled softly as he pushed himself up and headed over to have a look at them.  
‘’Too cute’’ He mumbled to himself as he noticed that some of the photo’s had to of been taking by fans during different shows for the angles before some looked like Lee’s work, seeing a photograph of Lisa and her little one, Adam couldn’t help but smile before he noticed another photo which had too of been Tommy’s parents with Lisa. Moving away from the photos again, Adam headed around the couch and leaned down to put the lid back on the paint pot as he shook my head and grinned to myself at his forgetfulness before a knock sounded out on Tommy’s door.

Standing, Adam listened for the shower to hear it running still before he was walking over as another knock echoed around the empty hallway, pulling the door open to find Lisa, Adam smiled at her softly as she laughed.  
‘’Adam…I didn’t expect you to be here’’ She told him as he grinned and shrugged a little before Adam finally noticed the other two people with her which looked like the same people from the photograph.   
‘’I could say the same about you’’ He teased with a wink ‘’actually, I came over this morning to see how Tommy was’’ Adam informed her.   
‘’Anyway, Tommy is expecting me so I’m not just turning up on his doorstep randomly’’ Lisa smiled as Adam moved his hand up and waved it at Bridget as she laughed and grabbed his hand. ‘’and this is Dia and Ron, our parents’’ Lisa told him as he nodded with a smile.   
‘’It’s nice to finally meet you both’’ Adam smiled as he stepped backwards and opened the door wider as he stepped away, ‘’Tommy’s in the shower at the moment’’ He informed them all as he closed the door and showed them in to the lounge where Lisa laughed softly at the mess still around.   
‘’It looks like a bomb has gone off in here’’ Lisa grinned as she put Bridget down.   
‘’We did tidy up a little’’ He laughed before scratching the back of his neck. ‘’Tommy was looking through different decorating magazines when I turned up and we ended up going to the store and picking things up, he’s painted that wall already’’ He told her as she smiled warmly. ‘’would any of you like a drink?’’ Adam asked before Lisa nodded with a smile.   
‘’Just some juice if Tommy has any’’ She smiled.   
‘’That would be lovely, I’ll just have a glass of water, thank you’’ Dia told Adam with a smile as he nodded and turned to his dad to see him shake his head.   
Heading in to the kitchen, Adam grabbed two glasses out of the draining board before he moved around to the fridge where Adam grabbed the bottle of water and poured it in to a glass for Tommy’s mom before he was grabbing some apple juice and filled the other glass, turning back to the fridge and crouching Adam grabbed a small carton of juice for Bridget, carrying it all back through, Adam handed Dia her drink and the other two to Lisa.   
‘’I’ll be right back, just going to tell Tommy that you are here’’ He told Lisa as she nodded.

Moving back in to the hallway, Adam walked down towards the bathroom, pausing outside the door; he brought my hand up and knocked it gently.   
‘’Yeah’’ Tommy’s voice called out from past the sound of water.   
‘’You sister is here baby and she has a surprise for you’’ He called back through the door.   
‘’Alright…I’ll be out in a minute…actually could you do me a favor’’  
‘’Sure baby, what do you want?’’ Adam called back.   
‘’There’s a bunch of clothes on my bed, could you just grab them and bring them in on the counter in here for me’’ Swallowing slightly, Adam bit my lip before breathing out.   
‘’Sure’’ Walking down to Tommy’s bedroom, he glanced around as he walked in and over to his bed where he grabbed a pair of jeans and top, heading back to the bathroom, Adam knocked against the door again, ‘’it’s just me’’ He called through the door as he turned the handle slowly and pushed it open.  
‘’That’s cool’’ Tommy’s vice echoed out as he glanced up to see him leaning around the curtain, a soft smile on his face as he held the clothes up and moved over to the counter where Adam put them down. ‘’so what’s Lisa’s surprise?’’ He asked as Adam smirked slightly and glanced over at him.   
‘’Not telling you’’ He winked before Adam blew him a kiss and quickly left again, pulling the door shut behind him, Adam breathed out deeply and let his eyes close as he tried to push all the thoughts back, shaking his head with a grin, Adam turned and headed back in to the lounge. ‘’He will be out in a second’’

_ ^V^ _

Dried off and dressed again, Tommy opened the bathroom door before he was rubbing the towel over his hair again before dropping them down on the dirty clothing pile before he was heading back through to the lounge where he was looking up and freezing quickly in the doorway as his brown eyes landed on the people sat either side of Lisa. Seeing her turn her head towards the door and smile, Tommy swallowed slightly as the other two turned and stood quickly as his heart crashed against his chest.  
‘’It’s about time Tommy, I was starting to think that you washed away down the drain’’ Lisa teased as he nodded slightly.   
‘’Yeah…sorry’’ He told her, ‘’I had some paint which wouldn’t come off’’’ Turning slightly to look at Adam as he stood.   
‘’I’m going to go make you a coffee’’ Adam whispered to him as he let the taller man push him towards the chair he had just vacated, letting himself sit down, Tommy watched as Bridget slipped off her mom’s lap and came walking towards him. ‘’hey princess’’ He smiled at her before he was picking her up and moved her to sit up on his lap, his arms around her warmly before he’s looking up again as he hears his mom making a small sound.  
‘’I can’t believe it’’ She whispered out. ‘’my baby is all grown up and really sat across from me’’ She gasped again as Lisa reached over and grabbed her hand in hers.

Letting a soft smile fall over his lips as he glanced towards her, looking back down again as Bridget started to play with his bracelet’s, Tommy could feel the uneasiness start to fill his chest as he realized that he had a short sleeved top on in front of his parents, looking up, Tommy saw his father’s eyes moving over his arms as he swallowed slightly before he was looking up with a soft smile.   
‘’Lisa has told us all about you and what you do’’ His father told him, ‘’we are so proud of you son’’  
‘’and you have such a lovely boyfriend’’ His mom told him which had him choking slightly before he was looking at her with a blush and Lisa laughed.   
‘’Adam isn’t my boyfriend’’ He told her, ‘’he’s my friend and my boss, he’s the singer I play for’’ Looking up as Adam walked closer, two drinks his hands before he was glancing between them all.   
‘’Mom thought you were Tommy’s boyfriend’’ Lisa told him as his own cheeks warmed and he headed over to hand a coffee to Tommy which he took with a small smile.   
‘’Do you have a boyfriend?’’ His mom asked as Tommy swallowed a little.   
‘’Dia now’’ His father spoke out, ‘’we don’t even know if our son is gay or not…not that we have anything against gay people’’ His spoke out, eyes glancing towards Adam who nodded softly.   
‘’I…yeah, I am gay’’ Tommy admitted quietly, out the corner of his eyes, he could see Adam turn to look towards him with slight look of surprised before it was quickly morphed back again.

‘’So tell us Tommy, what sport are you in too?’’ His dad asked a while later as Tommy came back in and sat down on the chair again from putting Bridget down in his bed for a small sleep.  
‘’Ron’’ His mom scolded as he grinned softly.   
‘’I’m not really in to sport much but I do like baseball, I used to play it a lot when I was younger but it was more for stress relief than anything else’’ Tommy admitted as his parents both nodded. ‘’I was just wondering…what Lisa has told you about things?’’ He asked as his mom looked towards his sister and back again.   
‘’She told us that you moved around a lot and that you had a lot of homes before leaving at eighteen, but she wouldn’t say why you were moved’’ She told him as he nodded and swallowed.   
‘’Okay’’ He nodded slightly. ‘’I’m not being rude, but I would rather my past stay the past for reasons’’ He said as his parents glanced at each other before they nodded.   
‘’Does anyone know about it?’’ His father asked.  
‘’Lisa only knows what my file said, but Adam is the only person who knows near enough everything’’ He told them as they both nodded.   
‘’So baseball son’’ His father chuckled as Tommy smiled and nodded. ‘’you said you played, so what field position?’’ His father asked as Tommy shrugged a little.   
‘’I guess batter if anything, I never played it with anyone really, like I said, I done it for stress relief really, started playing when I was seven, I think I first picked a bat up during a sport lesson in school, saved money up and brought myself a bat from the local store’’   
‘’Do you have it still?’’ His mom asked before he sighed softly and shook his head.   
‘’Actually no, I had it taken away from me when I was fifteen’’ Tommy told them, he knew the real reason was because he used it to defend himself against his step father in one of the foster homes before he was attacked and the neighbors called the police.   
‘’That’s a shame, I hope you still play sometimes’’ His father told him as he shrugged a little.   
‘’I don’t know, to be honest, I haven’t touched a baseball bat in a few years but I might find some local range when I have some free time’’  
‘’I know that you want to keep your past the past honey, but I really have to ask’’ His mom told him before he glanced down at his arms and nodded slightly.   
‘’You want to know about the scars don’t you’’ He asked as he brought a hand up and ran it over his arm lightly, some of the skin raised in places as she nodded slowly. ‘’Some are from things in my past which I would don’t really want to talk about again’’ Tommy explained as he glanced over at Adam. ‘’and others are from my own hand, there was a incident in my teen years which first made me harm myself, to be honest, a lot of things changed after that incident but I can say and this is a promise, that I stopped when I was twenty and I have not picked a blade up since’’ Tommy told him. ‘’but enough about me, tell me more about yourself, I’ve spent twenty seven years without you in my life, I want to know everything you can think off’’’

Listening to his parents as they told him more about themselves and he shared his own information to a certain extent, he smiled softly before he was finishing his coffee off and leaned forward to put his empty cup on his coffee table.  
‘’You all have to stay for dinner’’ Tommy told them as he moved back again, hands resting against his thighs before he’s pushing himself up on to his feet and then turning to look at Adam, ‘’you are staying too’’ Tommy told him, leaving no room for him to denia as he let a small wink out just for Adam before he was turning and headed towards the kitchen. ‘’I can make a mean lasagna, it was a recipe I tweaked as I grew up’’ Tommy chuckled softly.

Sliding in to the seat Tommy had just left, Adam let his eyes follow him on the other side of the room as he moved around the kitchen grabbing things here and there and settling them on the counter before his eyes fell to Dia as she stood and walked towards him.  
‘’Here, let me help honey’’ Dia told Tommy as he turned to look at her with a soft smile.   
‘’Go sit back down mom, I’ll be fine.’’ He smiled towards her which Adam could see that she had paused to look at him and Adam knew that it was because Tommy had called her mom.   
‘’Are you sure?’’ She asked tendly as Tommy laughed and put the jug he had in his hands down before he was walking over and turning her by the shoulders before pushing her forward softly.  
‘’Yes im sure, now leave dinner to me, if I need any help, I will make Adam help me seeming he decided to drag me all across America with long nights on tour buses and teenage girls screaming every night’’ He chuckled before Tommy’s eyes was meeting his with a fond smile.  
‘’You love it really Tommy’’ Adam called out which had him chuckling softly.   
‘’Nah I just joined the band because of Ashley’’ Tommy winked towards him as Adam laughed.   
‘’Who’s Ashley?’’   
‘’she’s the one who calls Tommy-Joe Bambi’’ Lisa chimed in as he laughed softly.   
‘’Ashley is my bass player, she’s a lovely girl really’’ Adam smiled out to Tommy’s parents, ‘’Tommy and Ash got on like house on fire from the moment they first met, isn’t afraid to kick his ass when he’s being stubborn’’ Adam grinned out fondly as Tommy glanced over, a large grin on his face as he shook his head and turned back to what he was doing at the counter.   
‘’What is he stubborn about?’’ Ron asked as Adam laughed brightly.   
‘’A lot of things’’ He told him as Tommy chuckled lightly from the kitchen.

_ ^V^ _

‘’This looks amazing Tommy, smells it too’’ Lisa commented once they were all sat down at the small table which Tommy had in the space between the lounge and kitchen.   
‘’Well I do try’’ He teased back as Adam laughed softly and let his knee nudge against Tommy’s from where they were sat between each other on one side, Tommy’s parents on the other while Lisa sat at the end with Bridget beside her.  
Eating in a soft silence, Adam couldn’t help but be amazed at Tommy’s cooking just like the others which admitted it to him, glancing up at Tommy out the corner of his eye, Adam smiled softly to see his guitarist blushing warmly as he shrugged.   
‘’I agree, I think I might come around more often and make you cook instead of getting take away all the time’’ Adam teased him as brown eyes turned towards him, his blush growing a little more as he looked back to his parents again.  
‘’It isn’t much, just something I learnt how to cook if I wanted to eat’’ Tommy shrugged out as he glanced back to Adam and up to his sister with a small smile.   
‘’Well it’s amazing honey’’ Dia told him which had him smiling softly as he nodded.

‘’So Lisa, how is Alex?’’ Tommy asked as he glanced up from where he had just finished his meal and towards her, ‘’I thought he was going to come with you today?’’  
‘’He was but then he had to go on a business trip’’ Lisa informed him as he nodded softly and sat back, his eyes darting towards Adam slightly as he felt fingertips brush over his thigh lightly to see his hands in his lap and under the table slightly. ‘’but he is due home in a couple of days’’  
‘’that’s good, you will have to bring him around one day’’ He smiled as Lisa nodded.   
‘’Forget that son, come around to ours and we can sit down and have a family dinner together again, get to meet him there’’ His father told him as he nodded, ‘’and of course, you’re welcome to come along too Adam’’   
‘’I couldn’t do that, that would be imposing on family’’ Adam told him before he laughed softly.   
‘’Nonsense, Lisa says that your band is like family when you are all together so that makes you family in our books too’’ He smiled which had Tommy biting the inside of his lip softly as Adam’s hand slowly moved on to his thigh and squeezed it softly.  
‘’Only if you are sure’’ Adam told him as Tommy lightly moved his hand to cover Adam’s.   
‘’Of course, like dad said, your part of the family already’’ Tommy smiled as he looked up at him and gave his and a soft squeeze.   
‘’Then that’s settled, we will get Lisa to get in touch with you and us when Alex is back and Dia and I can get plenty of food in for dinner.

Listening to his parents talk about their jobs, Tommy glanced at Adam as he felt him move slightly before his hand was turning and fingers were sliding between his own with a soft squeeze which had Tommy biting the inside of his lip again to stop himself from smiling as he turned back to listen to his mother before Lisa’s small smile caught his attention and he turned to look towards her before her eyes met his and then dropped down to where the table cloth just covered his and Adam’s hand, feeling his cheeks start to warm up again, Tommy quickly let go before he was standing and collecting everyone’s plates as he took them over to the sink and placed them in to the bowl to wash later.  
‘’We should get going’’ His dad told him softly as he returned back to the table again, ‘’we both have early starts in the morning for work’’ Nodding softly as they stood, Tommy watched as his mom rounded the table and stood in front of him with a soft smile.  
‘’I really cant believe my baby is all grown up’’ She whispered out as Tommy smiled softly at her.   
‘’I could say the same, I never thought I would be stood in front of you’’ He told her honestly as she let a broken laugh out and stepped forward, her hands grabbing his arms and pulling him in to a hug which Tommy returned tightly, his face buried in to the side of her neck slightly as he breathed out. ‘’I’m so glad I found you’’ He whispered to her which her arms growing tighter around him before she slowly pulled away with a smile, her hand coming up to rest against his jaw.  
‘’My little rockstar’’ She smiled as Tommy laughed softly.   
‘’Adam’s the rockstar mom, I’m just the guy who plays guitar’’ He told her with a fond smile.   
‘’But I wouldn’t be a rockstar without you Tommy, you keep the band in check’’  
‘’Pretty sure that’s Brian’’ Tommy retorted as he turned his head slightly to look towards Adam who was stood with a grin.   
‘’Oh give over Tommy, call yourself a rockstar, you have fans chasing you down for autographs and photos and they are still demanding that you make a twitter for them to follow’’ Adam teased with a wink as Tommy laughed.   
‘’Dia let him go’’ His dad called out which had Tommy grinning again as he took a small step away from his mom and followed them towards the hallway and down to the front door again.   
‘’Come back soon yeah?’’ Tommy asked as he pulled the door open for Lisa and his parents.   
‘’Of course sweetheart, we aren’t letting you go now’’ His mom told him as she leaned up and pressed a light kiss to his cheek.   
‘’And it was nice to meet you Adam’’ Ron spoke out towards him as Adam walked down and shook his hand.   
‘’It was a pleasure to meet you too’’ He smiled.   
‘’You look after my baby now’’ Tommy’s mom told him quickly as Tommy felt his cheeks warm and glanced towards his sister to see her smirking before she was pulling him in to a hug.  
‘’Mom saw your hands too’’ Lisa whispered in to his ear as Tommy blushed more.   
‘’I intend to do just that’’ Adam spoke out as Tommy and his sister parted from their hug.

Watching them leave, Tommy closed the door behind him and glanced up at Adam with a soft smile which he returned. ‘’How do you feel?’’ Adam asked softly as Tommy shrugged a little.   
‘’I have no idea’’ He whispered out before laughing softly as he pushed away from the door and headed back in to the apartment fully, Adam’s footsteps behind him before they were heading off down towards the bathroom.  
Smiling to himself as he walked back over to the table, Tommy collected the rest of the dishes and empty cups before he was taking them over to the sink and pushing them in at the same time as he started the water. Filling the bowl up, Tommy reached over and grabbed a wash cloth before he was sinking his hands in to the warm water.   
‘’Here, let me help’’ Adam’s voice was soft as he came up beside Tommy and made him jump, turning to look at him, he returned Adam’s soft smile before he was handing him a dish cloth.   
‘’You can dry’’ Tommy smiled as he turned back to the dishes.

_ ^V^ _

‘’Come here’’ Turning as he picked the glasses up, Tommy glanced over at Adam to see him staring at him from over the top of the couch, a tender smile on his face as Tommy slowly walked over and around before he was putting the glasses of wine on the coffee table before he was sitting down on the couch.  
‘’What?’’ He asked softly before a small sound of surprise was leaving his lips as Adam sat up a little more and pulled him in between his legs and against his chest, his arm wrapped around his waist as he sighed softly.  
‘’Nothing’’ Adam whispered softly as Tommy felt his fingertips slide under his top, ‘’just wanted to hug you’’ Adam near enough purred against his ear as his fingers stroked over warm skin slowly.   
‘’You’re a strange one Mr. Lambert’’ Tommy murmured with a smile as he leaned against Adam’s chest more and brought his feet up on to the couch so he was lying with him.   
‘’Pretty girls come from the ugliest places; you come from the worst of them all. Heart breakers like you are hard to erase, you lift me up just so I’ll fall. I followed you all the way down to the coast and we kissed under traveling skies. I wish that I’d seen that was coming for me but you wear such a lovely disguise.’’ Adam sung quietly, his lips warm against Tommy’s ear as he smiled softly.   
‘’You trying to say I’m a girl now and that I’m a heart breaker’’ He whispered softly as he turned his head a little to look up in to bright blue eyes.   
‘’It’s just a song’’ Adam whispered back with a smile, ‘’I heard it while we were on tour and it makes me think off you’’   
‘’I feel so honored’’ Tommy teased as Adam chuckled softly.   
‘’You should’’ Adam whispered with a smile, ‘’although you’re not a pretty girl coming from ugly places, you’re a pretty boy coming from them’’ He whispered as his other hand came up to brush through his hair softly.  

‘’So baseball huh’’ Adam teased as Tommy laughed softly and turned away again to rest his head against his chest.   
‘’Yeah’’ He whispered with a small sigh as he thought about the only information he had taken out of the file.   
‘’I remember you telling me about playing when you were seven when we were in the car that day’’ Adam whispered as Tommy nodded.   
‘’Yeah, it surprised me when you never asked why a seven year old needed stress relief’’ Tommy told him softly.   
‘’It did cross my mind, but I could see you felt uncomfortable’’ Adam whispered against his ear softly as Tommy nodded a little.   
‘’When I turned eighteen and asked for my file…I did take something from it’’ Tommy admitted quietly.   
‘’I thought Lisa said that you only copied a few things down from the information’’  
‘’I did…but I also turned to one family to rip two pages out’’ Tommy told Adam as he felt his palm slide around to rest over his lower back, his touch warm as he breathed out.  
‘’You don’t have to tell me baby’’ Adam whispered to him softly.   
‘’I do…if you noticed…I didn’t touch my dad or let him touch me tonight’’ Tommy told him, ‘’I hardly any males touch me apart from you’’  
‘’I did a little but I thought that was because of what happened while getting to California?’’ Adam asked as his hand smoothed over his skin softly.   
‘’That was part of it…but it wasn’t the first time it had happened’’ He whispered, feeling the singer’s hand still against his back, Tommy let his eyes close as he swallowed thickly, ‘’it was why my bat was taken away from me because I thought back’’  
‘’I don’t understand’’ Adam whispered softly.  
‘’One of the family’s I was with when I was fifteen’’ Tommy started, ‘’the mother…don’t get me wrong she was lovely, I could’ve seen myself staying with her and the two other kids but it was the father there’’ Tommy swallowed out, ‘’whenever the others were out and I was home…he would attack me and then would say that I had gone out and I started fights with people…some nights he would come in to my room which I shared with one of their sons and he would drag me out of bed and beat me and I would have to keep quiet so I wouldn’t wake the other boy no matter how much it hurt’’  
‘’Oh baby’’ Adam whispered as Tommy felt him lean down and press a kiss against the top of his head.  
‘’One of the nights he dragged me out of my bed, the other boy had woken up because I had caught my knee on the corner of the unit and cried out, I got out of a beating that night but that weekend the women took the kids to go see some family and he stayed behind with me…that was the first time’’ Tommy whispered as he tried to push the memories back so he wouldn’t get a panic attack, ‘’he hadn’t been home the whole day and I went to bed, the next thing I remember was him slamming the door open which woke me up before he was attacking me again but this time he said that he was going to make me pay for waking his son up and that I was just a worthless piece of shit that no one wanted…he…that was the first night he raped me’’ Tommy whispered in a quiet voice as Adam’s arms grew tight around him. ‘’he left me along for a while after that night and I thought that was it, that he had grown tired of hurting me but it only lasted for two weeks, he dragged me from my bed again and dragged me down to their basement where he done it again, said that I brought it on myself, that I flaunted myself around him all the time, said that if I made any noise that he would beat me until I couldn’t speak again. I tried telling someone about it, but no one believed me because of how many times I had moved from home to home, plus he had twisted people and said that I often tried to cause trouble. There was another weekend where they went away and I was home along for a while before he came back, said that he had faked being ill just so he could get me alone again because I was a slut, that was the night I first thought back…he tried attacking me in the kitchen but I hit back despite being hit and pushed around first, I managed to get out and run up to the room and I grabbed the baseball bat I had and I attacked him when he came up…I hit him with the bat before he grabbed it from me and turned it on me.’’   
‘’You don’t have to keep telling me Tommy’’ Adam whispered softly as he ran his hand over Tommy’s back softly and held him tightly.  
‘’I have too, like I’ve said before, I don’t want to hide from you’’ Tommy told him from where he stayed laid against Adam’s chest, his eyes closed tightly. ‘’he attacked me so badly that he broke my arm in two places and cracked three of my ribs before he rapped me. The neighbors must of heard me screaming or something because the cops stormed the house just as he finished with me’’ Tommy whispered, ‘’the women arrived home a few minutes later as he was being led to the cop car and I was being taking in to the ambulance. They finally believed me after I guess…the evidence was clear on my skin and broken bones’’

Feeling a soft touch against his cheeks, Tommy opened his eyes slowly as Adam’s hand came up to rub the tears away which he didn’t realize had fallen.   
‘’Hey…Shhh, it’s okay baby’’ Adam whispered as he pulled Tommy on to his lap more, his arms wrapped around him, ‘’that’s the past, no one is going to hurt you like that every again’’ Adam whispered in to his ear.   
‘’I ripped the pages out…I…I didn’t want anyone knowing how weak I was’’ Tommy broke.   
‘’You aren’t weak Tommy, you’re far from weak, you’re the strongest person I know’’ He whispered in to his ear as Tommy shook his head softly.   
‘’No I’m not…I’m weak and useless, I let people hurt me’’  
‘’No Tommy’’ Adam spoke out as he pushed Tommy away a little and got him to turn his head towards him. ‘’baby, you are not weak and useless okay, you are an amazing person baby, you are brave and beautiful, you now what you want in life and you aren’t scared to get it’’ Adam told him, his hand touching against his jaw softly. ‘’you travelled all the way from Alaska just to find your family and you have, you never gave up when things got tough, you found amazing friends who looks out for you, you’ve traveled America and got people who look up to you and worship you. People love you, the band loves you, your family loves you’’ He whispered as he stroked his thumb across Tommy’s cheek to clear the tear away. ‘’and look at this place baby’’ He whispered, ‘’you are finally making something your own, you’ve ordered furniture, painted one of the walls of many to come’’ He smiled. ‘’you’re not afraid to get attached any more baby’’

Staring up in to Adam’s eyes, he could see the truth in them with the words he spoke as he sniffed slightly and reached his own hand up to rub at his eyes before a broken laugh left his lips.  
‘’You forget to mention that I’m an unstable emotional wreck’’ Tommy whispered out as Adam laughed softly.   
‘’You’re allowed to be weak in some moments baby, but you are brave and wonderful okay’’ Smiling back at Adam, he nodded a little before he breathed out.   
‘’I’m sorry for dumping this all on you’’ Tommy whispered out as he shifted slightly and leaned across to grab his glass of wine which he drank half of it back quickly.   
‘’I don’t mind it Tommy, people have always said that it’s better to talk about something then to keep it inside’’ Adam told him as he felt a hand slide up his back slowly before trailing it back down again when Tommy sat back up again to look at his friend with a small nod.   
‘’I don’t deserve to have someone like you in my life’’ Tommy whispered to him.   
‘’We were made for each other baby, we both came in to each other’s lives for a reason’’ Adam whispered with a soft smile that had Tommy’s cheeks warming a little. ‘’that very first day of meeting, I just felt like I had to stop and give you a ride, I’ve never done that before but something inside me told me to stop’’   
‘’’I’m glad you did’’ Tommy admitted. ‘’and I’m sorry for acting so much like a jerk when we first saw each other again at the audition, it just scared me so much to see you and I didn’t mean everything I said, I often hoped that I would bump in to you on the street of even in a store but we never did’’ He told Adam as the singer smiled and rubbed his hand over his back again.   
‘’I know you didn’t, the lie didn’t reach your eyes’’ Adam teased as Tommy stood with his glass and turned slightly, his hand held out.   
‘’Wanna watch a movie?’’ Tommy asked with a soft smile.   
‘’Just as long as it isn’t a horror’’ Adam teased as his eyes fell down to Tommy’s arms and the tattoos which addressed his skin.   
‘’I have a few different ones and if not…there’s always the net’’ Tommy grinned as Adam took his hand and stood, his own hand picking his wine glass up at the same time as Tommy turned and started to lead him towards the bedroom.

_ ^V^ _

‘’So…are you doing anything on the 29th?’’ Adam asked as Tommy walked back towards the bed, his legs dressed in sweat pants and another short sleeved top from where he had changed for bed.   
‘’The 29th…umm, I don’t think so’’ Tommy told him as he knelt on the bed and sipped at his drink before he was leaning across to put it back on the unit again, his top sliding up to show perfect skin which Adam smiled at before he was turning back to the TV again.  
‘’Good, then you are coming to a birthday party with me’’ He spoke out before turning to glance at Tommy.   
‘’Birthday party...Adam…I don’t think’’ Tommy started.   
‘’Yes you can, I will be there, the whole band will be there, even Brad will and I know he would love to see you again from that very first time’’ Adam teased which had Tommy smiling slightly and ducking down to hide it.  
‘’Fine…but who’s birthday is it?’’ He asked as he peered back up through his bangs, staring at him, Adam could feel his heart race against his chest as he smiled.   
‘’Mine, now are we going to finish watching this movie so I can sleep’’ He winked out which had Tommy laughing and moving to lay under his own covers next to Adam.   
‘’Okay, okay’’ He grinned out before reaching out to turn the light out again as he settled down beside Adam, he was glad for him in his life and he felt safe being around him, he knew he could trust Adam and Adam trusted him. They could both be weak around each other and not worry about the other making a comment or laughing about it, they had their own strange way of comforting even without words and touch sometimes, just like laying beside him in his own bed, Tommy knew that it meant a lot to himself to be able to let Adam in to his life like this and as he watched the other man in the soft light of the TV screen, Tommy knew that he didn’t want to be anywhere else.


	13. Chapter 13

** January 29th 2010 **

Knocking against the door of the address Tommy had been giving, it was the first time he really thought about how he had never been to Adam’s in person since they had met for the second time and since he joined the band, Adam had always been over at his or they had been hanging out somewhere else completely different. Letting his thoughts wash away as the door opened to a person he didn’t know, Tommy looked up at the guy who smiled at him with a nod before he was letting him inside and quickly moving away again, leaving Tommy to close the door behind him.  
Taking a few steps in , the music already over powered Tommy’s senses as he looked around at everyone who had turned up for the singers birthday party, for a brief moment, Tommy panicked before he pushed it away again, telling himself that it was  his life now  and Adam was part of it in all his strange and wonderful ways.

Working his way through the throng of people milling about in different rooms of Adam’s house, he let his eyes travel over people for anyone he knew so that he could ask them where Adam was before he felt himself walking in to someone and turned quickly to apologize before he was met with Ashley’s grin.  
‘’You made it’’ She grinned before pulling him in to a hug as he nodded.   
‘’Yeah…hey, I thought you were still out on the ranch?’’ Tommy asked before she shrugged with a grin.   
‘’Came back for Adam’s party, he wanted the whole band here and now we are’’ She teased him as he nodded.   
‘’Where is Adam anyway, I want to go say hi and let him know that I‘m here’ Tommy asked as she frowned and glanced around.   
‘’I think the last place I saw him was outside and by the pool, he was talking to someone so you could always start there and work your way through until you find the big oath’’ She informed him with a large and half drunken grin as he nodded and smiled at the kiss she pressed to his cheek before taking off again.  
Chuckling softly to himself, Tommy moved around a few people until he found the kitchen and headed towards the large glass doors which he could see before out again, only to step back in shock at the size of his garden, from where he stood by the patio door, Tommy tried to look as far as he could before darkness took over and he let his eyes come back and roam over the space before they fell on to Adam from where he was crouched down beside the large pool, talking to someone who was in it, their arms folded on the side as they both laughed about something.  
Leaning back against the wall just beside the back door, Tommy let his eyes scan over the rest of the party again, some faces he recognize since he had joined the band and others he didn’t know before he was turning back again to see Adam smiling an nodding towards something before he was standing back up again, his drink being pulled towards his lips as Tommy pushed away, his own throat dry as he turned to go back in to the kitchen again.

Rubbing the back of his neck, Tommy let himself be swallowed up by the vast number of people again as he moved towards the counter which held different drinks and buckets of ice with bottles chilling before he felt himself stumble in to someone, the apology on his tongue before his eyes was glancing up at the guy who smiled at him, hands on Tommy’s arms steadying him before he felt the panic starting to rise up inside his chest, muttering his sorry quickly, Tommy let himself take a few steps backwards before he was turning and fleeing the kitchen as quickly as he could around people as his heart got faster against his chest and he could feel his vision swimming with the panic.   
Finding his way up Adam’s stairs, Tommy moved along the hall until he was as far away from the noise in which he could go and slipped in to the room to find it dark, a single light from outside lighting enough of the things up to show it was a bedroom as he wobbled over to the bed and let himself collapse down on the end before he felt his body sliding off and on to the floor, his head in his hands as he tried to fight against the panic, to fight against the feeling of being trapped before he wiled himself to try and breath slowly, to breathe deeper.

_ ^V^ _

Finally getting away from the pool, Adam let his eyes glide over the people in the yard, a small smile on his face at the people who had turned up but at the same time, Adam knew that he was searching for the certain blonde man who played the guitar for him. Letting a soft sigh out as he headed back towards the house, Adam let his eyes stay open as he worked his way in to the kitchen, searching the room a couple of times before he was taking another sip from his drink, the alcohol strong on his tongue before he was moving off towards the lounge, a fresh drink in his hands from where he quickly switched his empty cup for a new bottle.   
Letting his eyes scan over everyone again, Adam couldn’t help but feel his heart constrict at realizing that he hadn’t been able to see Tommy yet, the wonder of where he might be filling his mind as his fingers itched to pull his phone out and call the blonde man strong before Ashley was moving towards him with a worried look on her face that had all thoughts of calling Tommy being pushed away as he met her.   
‘’What happened out there?’’ She asked quickly which had Adam frowning down at her in confusion.   
‘’What do you mean by that?’’ Adam asked her as she glanced around and grabbed his arm to pull him away from people slightly.   
‘’Tommy went out to find you, he was out for a little but I’ve just seen him moving through the house and go upstairs, he looked pale Adam’’ Ashley told him quietly, ‘’not in a good way, you know that attack he had before the show’’ She asked as he nodded lightly before cursing.

Handing her his drink, Adam let himself start moving through his friends and family before he was half walking and half running up the stairs before he found himself checking room after room before reaching the end of the hallway and his own bedroom where he carefully pushed the door open and peered around in to the semi darkness, the light from behind him falling in a long line across the floor and to where he saw Tommy sat on the floor against his bed, checking the hallway behind him, Adam let himself slip inside and close the door quietly before he was turning back to see Tommy looking up slowly.  
‘’Hey you’’ Adam called out softly as he paused where he was, ‘’are you okay?’’ He couldn’t help but ask as Tommy nodded slowly and turned his head away again, fingers running through his hair lightly.  
‘’I’m okay’’ Tommy whispered softly, ‘’I’m okay now’’  
‘’what happened baby?’’ Adam asked softly as he let his eyes fall over the smaller man who was still sat against his bed, his legs pulled tight against his chest and chin resting on a knee.  
‘’I had the start of a panic attack’’ Tommy admitted quietly, ‘’I came out to find you, to let you know I was here but you were talking to someone so I waited but I ended up wanting a drink and came back in but I stumbled in to someone…god I’m such an idiot’’ He cursed out to himself.  
‘’No you’re not Tommy’’ Adam told him.   
‘’I am…I started to get a panic attack because I bumped in to a guy who looked a little like someone in my past, it’s stupid, I’m stupid’’  
‘’Hey’’ Adam breathed out as he finally crossed the room and leaned down slightly, his hands softly moving around Tommy’s wrists before he was pulling the guitarist to his feet and in to a tight hug. ‘’you’re not stupid, it was your inner fight or flight rising up again, nothing to be ashamed about’’ The singer whispered in to Tommy’s ear as his arms slowly moved round Adam’s waist.

Staying stood together in a hug for a few minutes, Adam brushed a kiss to the top of Tommy’s head as he ran a hand over his boney spine and squeezed him tightly again, part of him wanted to stay here forever, just holding the man in his arms but the other part of him knew that they had to go back to the party.   
‘’I’m sorry for ruining your birthday Adam’’ At first, Adam thought he had imagined Tommy speaking before Tommy was shifting to rub at his cheek slightly as his words finally settled in and he laughed softly.  
‘’You haven’t ruined anything baby,’’ He grinned out as he pulled away and grabbed Tommy’s hand in his and gave it a soft squeeze.   
‘’Are you sure?’’ Tommy asked, even in the semi darkness, Adam could tell that Tommy was unsure as he smiled and nodded.   
‘’I’m sure Tommy, come on, let’s go back to the party’’ He smiled which had Tommy smiling slowly with a small nod.   
‘’Okay…yeah, okay…let’s go birthday boy’’ Laughing freely at Tommy’s comment, he kept his hand in Tommy’s as he turned and led them out of his bedroom and back along the hallway before he dragged Tommy in to the bathroom and locked the door. ‘’Adam’’ Tommy stuttered out as he turned and smiled.   
‘’Sit’’ Adam told him as he pointed to the counter and moved to start moving through his own makeup bag.   
‘’Why?’’  
‘’Because you look a mess…a beautiful mess but I’m sure you wouldn’t want to go back down with makeup running now would you baby’’ Adam grinned as he peered up just in time to see Tommy twisting on the counter to look in the mirror, his lips forming a small ‘o’ shape as he turned back, a soft blush covering his cheeks as he nodded slightly.   
‘’Guess you are right’’ Tommy told him as he smiled and moved towards the smaller man and stood between the ‘V’ of his legs, one hand moving up to touch Tommy’s jaw softly while the other brought up a wipe and started to erase the makeup lines.

_ ^V^ _

Laughing freely, Tommy brought his hand up to cover his mouth before he was pulling away and replacing it with his bottle, the liquid cold against his throat as he watched Ashley and Brian mess around together on the other side of the room.  
‘’Watch out’’ Jumping slightly at the whisper in his ear, Tommy turned and stared at Adam with a questionable look before he grinned. ‘’Brad’s coming’’ Adam whispered again before he was moving away from him slightly just in time to hear someone call out Adam’s name loudly, a voice he hadn’t heard in over three years before a shorter and a brown haired guy jump Adam, around them people laughed as Tommy grinned and shook his head slightly as the singer hugged Brad back, laughing himself before Brad was pulling away with a smile before his eyes were suddenly on Tommy and he swallowed slightly.   
‘’Why I never’’ Brad started as his eyes flickered back between him and Adam again before settling back on him, ‘’you’re Adam’s little stray’’ He teased which had Tommy laughing softly before he was letting a surprised yelp out as Brad pulled him in to a hug. ‘’and you are still as gorgeous’’ He whispered in to Tommy’s ear as he felt his own cheeks warming slightly.   
‘’Yeah, Tommy’s my guitarist now Brad, he turned up at the audition back in October’’ Adam grinned as Brad pulled away to stare between them again.   
‘’And you’re only just telling me now’’ He gasped as Tommy rubbed the back of his neck.   
‘’Well, you’ve been busy’’ Adam told him as Brad rolled his eyes slightly and hooked his arm around Tommy’s.   
‘’Well…now I’m going to take this gorgeous boy and get to know him seemingly I never was allowed that very first time’’ rad tutted as Tommy grinned and glanced towards Adam who was looking at them both with a worried look, sending Adam a look to say that it was okay, Tommy could see Adam’s shoulders relax as he brought his drink up and paused by his mouth.   
‘’Just don’t terrorize my guitarist now Brad, I don’t want to lose him’’

By the time Tommy felt himself starting to get unsteady on his feet; Brad had already bullied him in to playing a drinking game with himself and other people, his hand in his own as he dragged him towards the circle where it was let go again and he let himself drop down on to the cushions beside Isaac, across from him was Ashley and a couple of other people who Tommy knew was close to Adam but wasn’t sure totally who they were before he glanced towards Brad to see him sitting down next to a guy which Tommy remembered as being Adam’s brother who was leaning in to another girl with a smile.  
‘’He bullied you too huh’’ Isaac not so whispered as Tommy snorted slightly and looked towards Brad.   
‘’I didn’t bully anyone in to  playing’’ He smirked as Tommy rolled his eyes and accepted one of the shot glasses which was being handed around them until he had a small group in front of his folded legs.  
‘’You never know how to ask without bullying them in to it’’ Isaac smirked as Brad rolled his eyes.   
‘’Whatever’’ Brad teased before he was clapping his hands, ‘’rules of the game, we all say something…for example, I’ve never had sex’’ Brad stated, ‘’those who have takes a shot, those who haven’t doesn’t and so on…got it?’’ He asked as people nodded and agreed. ‘’great…now…who’s first’’ He smirked.   
‘’I’ve never…’’Isaac started, ‘’gotten hard or turned on while in public’’ He grinned out, on the inside, Tommy groaned and picked one of his shots up and knocked it back with a few other people as laughter ran out. Listening as different people say different things, knocking shots back and leaving them alone for different things, Tommy ran his fingers through his hair as Brad smirked and sat up slightly.  
‘’Okay, my turn again…I’ve never had a near death experience’’ Brad smirked out as Tommy swallowed deeply before knocking a shot back.  
Putting the glass back down again, Tommy turned his eyes up to see everyone looking at him with wide eyes before he swiped his tongue over his lower lip. ‘’What?’’ He asked.   
‘’Bullshit’’ Brad spoke out, ‘’I don’t believe you’’ Rolling his eyes slightly, Tommy shifted around until he was sat on his knees and moved a hand down to the bottom of his shirt and lifted it up to show them all the scars on the side of his body. ‘’hold shit…what happened?’’ Brad gasped as Tommy dropped his top again and sat back down again.   
‘’Three days after arriving in California, some guy tried mugging me before attacking once he realized that I didn’t have any money on me’’ He shrugged, ‘’got stabbed five times in the side, only just made it back to the motel I was staying at and collapsed in front of the manger who pretty much saved my life’’  
‘’Dude’’ Someone gasped out as Tommy leaned back on his hand and shrugged.   
‘’No big deal’’  
‘’no big deal, dude you nearly died’’ Isaac exclaimed from beside him as he turned to look at him.   
‘’IT was three years ago, I’m over it’’ He shrugged before he was sitting up again, ‘’enough about me, who’s turn is it next?’’ He asked.

_ ^V^ _

‘’I’m out’’ Tommy mumbled as he started to stand before laughing as Brad tried to get him to stay, ‘’No way dude, if I drink any more I don’t know how I’m even going to walk’’ He laughed out as he started to head away from the circle and headed towards the kitchen where he realized that it was only the band and Brad left in the house, that everyone else had left at some point during the night.  
Finding a glass in one of the many cupboards, Tommy walked over to the sink and filled it with water before he was turning, his eyes wondering around before he realized that he hadn’t seen Adam in a few hours before he was sipping at the water and pushing away from the counter, ears wondering around before he looked out the patio doors to see Adam sat by his pool on his own. Frowning to himself, Tommy pushed the door open quietly before he was slowly walking towards Adam, pausing just long enough to kick his shoes off, Tommy walked over to the edge and dropped down as slowly as he could manage beside him, his legs folded underneath him as he sipped at the water and moved the glass away again and turned back to rest his head against Adam’s shoulder.

Sitting in silence, Adam took comfort in the warmth of Tommy against his side before he was moving, out the corner of his eyes he could see Tommy moving around and pulling his jeans up as far as they could before they were slipping down in to the pool like Adam had his legs in the water, his body moving to stretch out along the ground beside him.   
‘’You’re jeans are getting wet’’ Adam told him softly as he turned to look towards him just as Tommy shrugged, a ghost of a smile on the corner of his lips.   
‘’I’ll survive’’ Tommy told him as Adam laughed softly and turned to look at him fully. ‘’why are you out here anyway dude?’’ Tommy asked, his words slow a little as Adam smiled softly.   
‘’Just wanted a little space’’ Adam admitted before he noticed Tommy start moving as if he was going to move, reaching out, Adam let his hand rest on his thigh, the feeling warm under his palm. ‘’it’s okay, you can stay Tommy’’ Adam whispered as Tommy turned to look at him.   
‘’But you wanted space’’ Tommy said confused as he layed out again.   
‘’Yeah I know…I just don’t like drinking games really so I came out here to escape from Brad really’’ Adam smiled as Tommy let a warm laugh out which curled around him.   
‘’Not too bad’’ Tommy mumbled as Adam smiled and watched as he dragged his hand down and rubbed at his stomach before his fingertips trailed up over his side where Adam knew the scars were.

Turning back to stare across the water, Adam let a soft breath out as he watched the lights dance under the water’s surface, around him the yard slowly fell back to quietness again, the odd sound of laughter or loud words echoed out from inside before quieting again.   
Adam liked being around Tommy in times like this, both of them knew when they needed the peace, knew when words were needed and in the short amount of time, Adam had grown protective over the blonde man with the past known, Adam wanted to do everything to look after him and to make him feel safe as he turned back again to see Tommy’s eyes closed and dozing on the pool’s patio, one arm stretched up under his head which was tilted towards his inner elbow. Staring at the smaller man’s face, Adam could see why a lot of people thought he was attractive; his jaw was a sharp line leading back to his neck which fell to a deep hollow at the base of his throat, trailing down to his clavicle which was just peeking out from under the shirt he was wearing. Letting his eyes drop further down over his shirt, Adam knew that Tommy wasn’t a skinny, skinny guy; hiding away he had strong muscle and he was strong in strength and mind.   
Shaking his mind clear, Adam turned back to look at Tommy’s face to see his eyes still closed before he was turning to stare up at the night sky above them, stars bright before the commotion near the door had him jumping and turning to look towards it to see the others starting to come out the house.

Smiling towards them, Adam raised his finger to his lips and motioned them o be quiet before he nodded down towards Tommy, Brad’s smile bright before he was glancing towards the other members of his band with a knowing smile which had him rolling his eyes as he pulled his feet out of the pool and quietly stood and moved towards them.   
‘’We’re going to head home honey’’ Ashley told him as he nodded, ‘’I’m pretty much the only one sober enough to drive and Brad is going to get a cab which is due any moment with your brother who’s still inside’’   
‘’that’s alright’’ He smiled, ‘’thank yo for all coming tonight, means a lot’’ Adam grinned.   
‘’Of course, and happy birthday again Adam’’ Isaac told him ‘’and we will see you soon’’  
‘’Sure’’ Adam grinned.   
‘’What about gorgeous boy there?’’ Brad asked quietly as Adam turned to glance at Tommy over his shoulder with a small smile.   
‘’Leave him, he needs to sleep the alcohol off a little more before he goes anywhere’’ Adam chuckled lightly as he turned back and watched Ashley grin, ‘’okay…really, what is going on?’’ Adam asked as they all shrugged and started to turn.   
‘’Nothing sweetie pie, goodnight’’ Brad chimed out and kissed his cheek, shaking his head, Adam turned and watched as they all left again before he was moving and sitting back down beside Tommy again, his feet sinking back in to the cool water again with a soft sigh, his hands moving back to press against the ground, head tilted to the sky before it was dropping again as he laid back beside Tommy, his head turned towards the sleeping male with a small smile.  
Thinking back over the course of their friendship and since he had first met Tommy, Adam couldn’t help but see the difference in him, in his personality and the way he seemed to protect himself back then, hold himself close and his walls up high, not letting anyone in until now where Tommy seemed so calm around everyone, the way he didn’t seem to care as much and the way he seemed to laugh so freely now. Inching closer, Adam quickly froze when the water tipped further up Tommy’s legs, wetting his pants more before he was looking up at Tommy’s face to see him still sleeping soundly which calmed his heart quickly.  
                                                   Laying in silence for a while longer, Adam took notice of the line of warmth beside him before he slowly shivered as the temperature dropped a little lower with the night as it grew further in to its depths. Pushing himself up, he rubbed at his arms before he was pulling his legs out and standing, grabbing Tommy’s shoes, he headed inside the house and put them near the front door before he was heading back again and crouching down beside the sleeping man.  
‘’Tommy’’ Adam called out softly as he reached down and nudged his shoulder enough for Tommy to start stirring, his eyes slowly blinking open with clouded eyes as Adam smiled, ‘’hey baby’’ He whispered softly as Tommy let a small groan out and stretched, pushing his legs further in the water while his arms stretched up over his head, pulling his eyes away from the strip of skin which appeared between his pants and top, Adam turned his eyes back to Tommy’s face. ‘’let’s get inside and warmed up and you another glass of water maybe’’ He smiled as Tommy huffed slightly but nodded.  
Helping him to stand, Tommy took hold of Adam’s hands and let Adam pull him to his feet before Adam was placing a steady hand on his lower back as he tilted slightly.  
‘’Steal a pair of your pants to go home in’’ Tommy yawned out a little as Adam chuckled softly.   
‘’You’re not going anywhere in this state, you can stay here tonight and drive home when you’re more awake and have less alcohol in your system’’ Adam told him as he slowly led Tommy in to the kitchen where he started to grab a glass of water while the singer locked the back door up and turned back to his guitarist to find him leaning against the counter, glass nestled between his hands at his chest and brown eyes watching him.

_ ^V^ _

Letting Tommy step in to the bedroom ahead of him, Adam made sure that all the lights were turned off downstairs and the front door locked before he was crossing the floor of his bedroom and moved towards the dresser where he knew that he had a spare set of clothes which would fit Tommy slightly, maybe be a little baggy but enough for his smaller frame.  
Turning around with the top and sweat pants in his hand, Adam quickly found himself pausing, eyes wide a little before he schooled his features back as Tommy looked up, his hands pushing his jeans down over his hips before he smiled sheepishly at him as Adam.  
‘’Sorry’’ Tommy told him as he smiled softly and handed the clothes over which he took.   
‘’No need, they are wet’’ Adam told him softly as the other man nodded, turning away again, Adam could hear Tommy moving around, the sound of clothes being pulled off and then dropped on the floor before the rustling of material up over les had him turning back with his own cloths which he sat on the bed before picking Tommy’s pants up. Taking them in to the bathroom adjoined to his room, Adam quickly searched his pockets, putting the odd change and Tommy’s phone on the counter before he was moving the wet material up over the shower door to dry off for him in the morning.  
Stepping back in to the room again, Adam grabbed his own clothes, disappearing and changing quickly before stepping back in once more and pausing just as quick again as he watched Tommy pull his shirt up over his head, his skin pale in the soft light falling from the bedside lamp which Adam had turned on and the faint moonlight which came in through the window. Staring at the different scars on Tommy’s body, Adam couldn’t help but let his eyes roam up over his back and on to his shoulders where he could faintly make out the small round scars he had read about in the file when the truth had come out, breathing out softly, Adam looked at the jaggered lines which folded on his side from the stabbing before he was lifting his eyes again to se Tommy glancing over his shoulder and towards him which had his heart crashing against his chest like a stallion galloping.  
‘’Sorry’’ Adam breathed out quietly as he dropped his eyes away and turned the bathroom light out behind him before the soft fall of Tommy’s footsteps moving closer had him looking back up just as his guitarist came to a stop just in front of him, his torso still topless.  
‘’It’s okay’’ Tommy whispered as he reached out and lightly took Adam’s hand, ‘’you can look if you want too Adam’’ Tommy told him as he moved his hand up and pressed it to his side which was marred with scars, ‘’you make me feel comfortable in my skin’’  
‘’Tommy’’ Adam whispered.  
‘’Touch them as much as you want’’ He whispered as his other hand was pulled up to mirror the other and was settled on smooth and untouched skin.

Pausing as he stared at Tommy, Adam wasn’t sure if Tommy was acting and saying things like this because he had had a few drinks or whether it was because the smaller man really did trust him and felt comfortable now for Adam to see them so clearly on display.  
‘’I trust you’’ Tommy said quietly as Adam let his eyes meet Tommy’s fully, the truth and trust clear in the brown orbs which stared back. ‘’I trust you’’ He whispered almost too quietly to hear. Standing in near silence apart from their breathing and not moving, Adam swallowed lightly before he let his thumb move a small inch, the pad feeling the raised skin slowly before his fingertips were trailing just as slow over the scars on his side which had been caused by the knife, his eyes still on Tommy’s. letting his eyes drop away slowly, Adam watched his fingers as they slowly traced over the smaller scars, smooth skin in between the raised before he slowly moved his other hand, his palm sliding up over his side as his eyes flickered across, the contrast a large difference before he was bringing it back down again to rest on his hip while his thumb slowly stroked over a small scar which had Tommy laughing softly, a small smile appearing on Adam’s own face at the sound of it. ‘’that’s the only scar I’ve got which isn’t due to harm’’ Tommy told him as Adam let his eyes move back up, his hands moving to run over the blond mans sides again,   
‘’What’s it from?’’ Adam asked quietly, so not to break the spell over them.   
‘’Surgery of all things had my appendix taken out when I was nineteen’’

Watching as Tommy stepped backward and towards Adam bed, he watched with curious eyes as the other man picked the top he had given him up and moved it up under the pillow before stretching out on the bed, his stomach flat against the sheets as he moved his arms up under his head which was turned towards Adam with eyes filled with a question he knew the simple answer too as he forced himself to move and walked over himself. Climbing on the bed beside Tommy, Adam returned the small smile before he was lifting his hand up to lay flat against the bottom of Tommy’s back before he was slowly moving his fingertips up and over each scar which danced on the guitarists back.  
Bringing his fingertips up to Tommy’s shoulder blades, Adam looked at the near perfect circle burns on his skin, fingers dancing over the raised skin slowly, just tracing the shapes before he was leaning down and kissing each burn scar slowly before he could stop himself, his eyes closed and lips soft as he breathed.  
‘’You’re still beautiful Tommy’’ He whispered against his skin warmly, ‘’no matter what marks are on your body, you’re still beautiful’’  
Moving away as he felt Tommy start to turn, Adam let his eyes run over the other scars on his side and torso slightly before his eyes was moving up to Tommy’s as a hand covered his on his chest before the smaller man was slowly guiding it down over his skin and over his stomach before he started to push it down under the waistband of the borrowed sweats, causing Adam to still apart from the thumping of his heart which sounded loud in his ears and the quiet room until he feels his face falling in to confusion as Tommy guides his hand lower on to his thigh where smooth skin slowly turned to raised under his palm.  
‘’It was the first scar I ever got from a beating’’ Tommy told him quietly, almost silently. ‘’my foster mother would hit the kids with a belt and one day she done it but the buckle came loose and cut my skin open, it kept bleeding and bleeding and she ended up taking me to hospital where they had to stitch it close’’ Tommy told him quietly before he was guiding Adam’s hand closer to his inner thigh, his legs parting slightly. ‘’it goes from about mid thigh down to my knee’’

Pulling back quickly with warmed cheeks, Adam looked up at Tommy before down to his covered thigh again as Tommy pulled his own  hand out before he was looking back up again to meet deep brown eyes which stared back as Tommy lifted a hand and rested it on the back of Adam’s neck, feeling the slight tug of Tommy’s strength, he let himself be pulled down in to a kiss which he slowly returned, a hand coming to rest against his side before the raised skin had him pulling back slowly, eyes closed as he breathed out.  
‘’We shouldn’t’’ Adam whispered as he looked up to meet Tommy’s eyes again, ‘’we’ve both been drinking tonight’’  
‘’we aren’t doing anything wrong Adam’’ Tommy spoke, ‘’the heart never lies right or something like that?’’ He asked as he slowly pushed himself up on to his elbows as Adam sat up a little more and watched as a small frown appeared on his face before it quickly morphed in a look of pure horror as Tommy’s eyes grew wide. ‘’I haven’t pushed myself on you have I? I mean at any time with any of the kisses from the tour or other times?’’ Watching him, Adam could see the different emotions flicker across Tommy’s face quickly before he was shaking his head and tugging Tommy in to a tight hug, his lips pressing against the shell of his ear as Tommy’s arms threaded around his waist.  
‘’You haven’t done anything wrong baby, never ever, ever think like that okay’’ Adam whispered in to his ear as Tommy’s grip grew tighter. ‘’you aren’t any of those people from the past, you haven’t done anything wrong or anything I haven’t wanted.’’

Feeling Tommy nod and then slowly pull away, Adam let his eyes move over Tommy’s face, lingering on his lips for a brief moment before letting hem meet Tommy’s again.  
‘’I still think about the first time we ever kissed’’ Adam whispered as he brought a hand up to cup the side of his neck, his thumb brushing along Tommy’s jaw slowly. ‘’you left me standing there on the bus in a daze and I couldn’t get it out of my mind, I still can’t get it out my mind’’ He whispered again before he was slowly closing the space and taking Tommy’s lips in such a soft and slow kiss which Tommy returned, his own fingers coming up to lightly fold in to Adam’s shirt as Adam’s own hands slowly moved over Tommy’s body and turned them until he was laying flat on his back again, Adam’s body above his as the kiss was slowly broken for his lips to only move to Tommy’s jaw before the touch was leaving to lean down and lips pressed against a scar lightly.

Feeling Adam kiss each scar on his torso, Tommy bit at his lip as the dark haired man slowly moved lower and lower until he reached the top of the sweat pants and slowly looked up, his hand coming up to rest against his thigh before he was sitting up again.  
‘’Can I?’’ Adam asked his permission as his thumb stroked over covered skin and Tommy slowly nodded and lifted his hips as Adam slowly pulled the sweatpants down over his legs and dropped them down on to the floor beside the bed. Laying there in his boxers for the first time in front of another person in a long time, Tommy could feel his heart race but he trusted Adam as he watched him slowly lean down again to press his lips against the scar, trailing a soft path down to his knee, moving his leg out slightly, Tommy let his eyes meet Adam’s again as he glanced up before another kiss was pressed to the inside of his knee and moved so he was between Tommy’s legs before his whole body was moving up again to rest lightly and comfortably against his own as he accepted the kiss Adam claimed against his lips again, large hands holding on to him tightly as he wrapped his own arms around Adam’s shoulders and held him closer.


	14. Chapter 14

** February 4th 2010 **

Pacing back and forth slightly as he waited for Adam to finish getting ready, Tommy could feel the nerves of meeting Alex build up a little more before there was gentle hands running down over his arms as he turned to look back at Adam before he was leaning down and pressing a light kiss to Tommy’s lips, a smile turning his own up.  
‘’It’s going to be okay baby’’ Adam told him as he nodded weakly, ‘’we’ve already had dinner with your family and they loved you,  I’m sure your sister’s husband is going to be the same okay Tommy, you have nothing to worry about’’ Nodding softly,  Tommy let himself look at again with a soft smile before he started to wonder what their friendship was and how it was acting out, some days he felt like they were actually together, mostly on the days they spent together on his couch, curled up and watching a film or when they share the same bed at night along with all the kisses, yet somewhere between all that, the lines had never been crossed from friendship in to something else.  
Feeling Adam’s hand slipping in to his as he guided Tommy out of the lounge and in to the hallway, they both slipped their shoes on before Adam was lightly tugging him out the door and locking it before they were walking down to the car, their hands together all the way until they were parting for Adam to walk around to the driver’s seat.  
Sitting in silence as Adam started to drive them back out towards the valley and his parents home, Tommy couldn’t stop the small glance towards him as he started to think back to the night of Adam’s birthday, turning back to stare out the window, Tommy brought his arm up to rest on the door, his thumb between his lips as he started to think about the way Adam had slowly moved over his body, laying kisses on all the scars which lined his body before he had shown Adam the one on his thigh, remembering the touch, Tommy fought to keep the shiver inside as he remembered the way Adam had been so careful and gentle with him, the way his fingers ghosted warmly over his skin and his lips followed slowly before he had moved back up before his own body, a hand resting softly on his side as they shared a kiss goodnight before they had parted and he had curled in to Adam’s side to fall asleep with the feeling of fingers trailing over his spine. He thought about the way he was held ever so softly, like he could break but at the same time, offering a comforting reminder that Adam would never hurt him like others had in the past.

Glancing over at his guitar player, Adam could see that Tommy was deep in thought, the way he lightly nipped at his thumb and bounced his leg in movements you wouldn’t know was there unless you were looking for it. He knew that it was down to thought, memories and nerves and that Adam knew that it would be best just to leave Tommy to sit there quietly while he tried to work his mind over everything knew.   
Adam didn’t know how Tommy done it, or could even deal with everything from what he had been told about, he knew that the blonde man was strong and that was what he loved about Tommy, that he was strong in mind and appearance, that he didn’t let anything beat him down for long despite the response it could bring, he held his head up high and showed the world that he was Tommy Ratliff and that he was here to stay. He was glad that he asked for the directions to put in to the GPS before they had left because he knew otherwise that he would’ve gotten lost because Adam knew that he wouldn’t have disturbed Tommy for anything, even if it did meant they were late to lunch with his family.  
After almost an hour of driving, Adam was turning down another road before his eyes was darting to the GPS screen to see a couple minutes left on the journey counter before he was glancing across to Tommy and back again.  
‘’We’re going to be there pretty soon baby’’ Adam said softly, but out the corner of his eye, he could still see Tommy jump and turn to look towards him before he was nodding softly and turning to look out the window again as Adam turned another street and started to slow the car down until he was pulling up outside a modern size house.

In Tommy’s mind, the house looked like something out of a picture book, the picture perfect American family home with the white picket fence and lush green lawns, shaking the image away as they both climbed out of the car slowly, Tommy let himself run his eyes over the house again before he was dropping them down to see Bridget playing on the grass near the front door, her face bright with a smile as she moved her toys around and he couldn’t help but smile softly to himself before the feeling of Adam’s hand sliding in to his had him jumping and turning to see him beside him before they started to walk up towards the gate.  
As soon as he opened it, Bridget was looking up, her smile growing even bigger when she saw them before she was standing.  
‘’Tom-Tom’’ She called out happily as she started to run over, grinning, Tommy let Adam’s hand go and caught the little girl as she jumped up in to his arms. ‘’you came’’ She smiled happily as he nodded.  
‘’Of course I did, I wouldn’t miss out seeing you for anything’’ Tommy told her truthfully, his fingers digging in to her stomach and causing her to laugh before they were moving towards the front door where Tommy paused suddenly, unsure to whether just walk in or whether or not to knock and wait.  
‘’Mommy is in the kitchen with daddy’’ Bridget told him as he glanced at her with a smile and nodded, raising his hand, Tommy let himself knock softly against the open door before he was stepping inside with a quick glance around the hall to see it was painted a soft blue which made it feel airy before he was glancing towards Adam with a soft smile to see him still following him in behind, his hands closing the door quietly before Tommy was turning back and following the way Bridget pointed until he was stopping in the doorway of the kitchen to see his mom and sister stood together at a counter with some food before his eyes were dropping to see his dad talking to another guy who he realized had to be Lisa’s husband, Alex, their backs to him and Adam.

‘’Uncle Tom-Tom is here’’ Bridget called out loudly as Lisa turned at the same time as his mom, both large smiles on their faces as Tommy chuckled softly and glanced down to the little girl in his arms.   
‘’I did knock first, I wasn’t sure’’ He admitted, ‘’but Bridget said you were in here’’  
‘’That’s fine honey’’ His mom told him, her eyes moving to Adam with a warm smile before she was looking back at him again. ‘’you’re welcome to just walk in any time you want, you’re family after all’’ She told him which made Tommy smile softly before he was putting Bridget down and headed over to his mom, his arms moving around her as she pulled him in to a tight hug. Letting her go, Tommy watched as she moved around him, her feet leading her towards Adam before he was turning back and smiling at Lisa as he hugged her.  
‘’How are you?’’ She asked softly in the same movement of pulling back and he nodded.  
‘’Pretty good actually’’ He told her with a smile before she was grabbing his hand and turning him towards the other man who was with his father.  
‘’Tommy, this is Alex, Alex this is my brother’’ She smiled before he was turning his eyes on to him as Alex held his hand out.  
‘’It’s great to finally meet you Tommy, I always hoped that Lisa would find you’’ Alex told him as he laughed softly and nodded before pulling his hand back.  
‘’You too, she’s told me a lot about you’’  
‘’All good I hope’’ Alex teased as he moved and wrapped his arms around Lisa’s waist and pressed a kiss to her cheek which had Tommy smiling.  
‘’Of course’’ Tommy grinned.

Glancing over towards Adam, Tommy smiled to see him talking to his parents before his dad was clapping Adam on his shoulder before walking over to Tommy where he let himself be pulled in to a hug which he returned with a brief laugh.  
‘’We’re going to be eating out the back’’ His dad told him as he pulled away with a nod. ‘’I’m glad you could make it son, I really am’’ His dad smiled, his eyes watching Tommy as he felt himself blush lightly and rubbed at the side of his neck.  
‘’I told you I would dad, I wouldn’t of said I would and then not turn up, that’s pretty shitty’’ Tommy told him before his eyes was darting around the kitchen in search for Bridget, only to relax again when he noticed she wasn’t around which made his father laugh before nodding.  
‘’I know son, it means a lot to me and your mom’’ He smiled before he was heading away and towards the counter top where mom and Lisa had left some things out. Turning back, Tommy watched Adam talking to his mom and to Alex before he was glancing up and catching his eyes with a soft smile which he returned before he was snapping his head around as he felt himself being tugged away, looking at Lisa as she led him outside, he breathed the fresh air in slightly before frowning as she took him away from the house slightly before letting his arm go as she moved to sit on the grass which he copied.  
‘’How are things between you and Adam?’’ Lisa asked as he glanced over, his legs folding under him as he frowned slightly.  
‘’What do you mean?’’ He asked as she sighed but smiled at him fondly.  
‘’I mean you and Adam…you know how are things between you, every time I have seen you now, you are always together and you look so comfortable being around him and don’t think I haven’t seen the smiles and touches you share’’ She told him. ‘’so how are things between you?’’ She asked again as he breathed out and shrugged.  
‘’Confusion I guess’’ He admitted as brown eyes darted back towards the house as Adam’s laughter echoed with his moms before he was turning to look down at the grass in between his fingers as he started to tell his sister about Adam’s birthday and then about that night. ‘’and then we just slept, I mean…after kissing, he pulled me in to his side and we fell asleep’’ He shrugged before looking up at her. ‘’He didn’t try anything like other people might of done if that was them.’’ Looking up, Tommy managed to catch the soft smile which she sent towards him.  
‘’He cares about you Tommy, more then I have ever seen anyone care for anyone else before and he makes you feel safe from everything you have told me about the way he acts around you and what you guys did the night of his birthday was trust between the two of you’’ Lisa explained, ‘’you put your trust in Adam not to hurt you when you showed him the most vulnerable parts of yourself, you opened yourself up bare and he is still here, he hasn’t run away from the truth’’ Nodding softly, Tommy let his eyes drop down to the ground again as he breathed out deeply, his mind going over every single detail since the moment they had met all those years ago, he had put his trust in Adam without realizing it when he agreed to stay the night with him in the motel room, put his trust in him when he got in to the same bed as Adam, remembered the way he had made the pillow wall between them before they left the next day. It was at the same time that Tommy realized that Adam had put his trust in Tommy too, he thought about the way Adam had let him drive so he could sleep, thought about the way Adam had trusted a guy he only met a few hours before hand to stay in the same room and not to steal anything and run from him and Tommy finally realized that Adam trusted him just as much as Tommy trusted him not to hurt him either.  
‘’I think I like him more than I should’’ Tommy found himself admitting quietly as he raised his eyes to look at his sister again, ‘’I think I like him more than just having a friendship between us and it scares me that I’m feeling like this’’  
‘’You should tell him Tommy’’ Lisa smiled softly as Tommy felt the blush climb his neck slightly and he shrugged a little before turning to watch his niece as she moved towards the swing set in the garden.  
‘’Maybe’’ He whispered.

_ ^V^ _

Pausing, Tommy breathed out heavily and grinned across at Bridget as she ran before he was reaching up and grabbing the back of his hoody and pulled it up over his head and dropped it down on the patio decking before he was off chasing her again, her laughter echoing out in to the sunshine which made Tommy laugh himself before he was wrapping his arms around her and swinging her around which made her giggle even laughter before she started to demand for him to pick her up and put her on his shoulders, his eyebrow raising before she gave him a look which he could only describe as puppy dog eyes before he was giving in with a grin and lifting her up, her legs hooking over his shoulders before her little hands were grabbing at his head and hair to hold on before they moved to his hands as he held her and walked to where ever she wanted him to go so she could explore the world from a greater height.

From the door way, Adam grinned to himself as he watched Tommy, his own mind wondering over the past few months as he thought about the way he had spending nearly all his time with Tommy and how they always seemed to kiss before his mind was wondering to the way he had suddenly realized that since the very first kiss between them on the tour bus, Adam hadn’t found anyone to sleep with let alone even thought about it, his mind had always been on Tommy despite every only hugging and kissing the other man, but in the back of his mind, Adam found himself not caring that he was happy with how everything was before he was turning to find Dia watching him with a smile.  
‘’You really care for my boy don’t you?’’ She asked as Adam felt himself blushing lightly but nodded anyway.  
‘’More than anything else’’ He admitted with a soft smile as he looked back out, watching as Tommy turned with Bridget, he sent a soft smile in his direction as his eyes met brown ones and Tommy smiled back.  
‘’He’s lucky to have someone like you in his life even if you aren’t together yet’’ Dia told him as he turned back to look at her with another blush before he laughed softly and shook his head. ‘’he’s come a long way from everything I have heard about his life and I know most of it hasn’t been easy for that boy but he’s still smiling and laughing and what I’ve learnt is that it’s all down to you Adam’’ Dia told him quietly as her hand rested over his arm.  
‘’What do you mean?’’ He asked.  
‘’Well if im correct, Tommy would never wear a short sleeved T-shirt would he?’’ She asked as Adam shook his head and turned back to look at Tommy, his arms open in the light and Tattoos on show, ‘’but now he doesn’t care if someone sees the scars which mark his skin and I am pretty sure that you helped him with that, helped him learn to love them and himself even more, you brought him out his shell and gave him something to smile about honey and I’m so glad for that’’ She whispered as Adam smiled softly and looked at her.  
‘’I think you’re wrong Dia, I’m the lucky one to have someone like Tommy in my life’’ He whispered back as she smiled and pulled him in to a hug. ‘’he came in to my life and turned it upside down but I wouldn’t change a single thing, the only thing I wish I could change is all the hurt he has had to go through in his life’’ He admitted as he pulled away and met Dia’s glaze with a shy look as she smiled and reached up to pat his cheek.  
‘’You take his pain away more than you think Adam, I can see it in his face and eyes when he looks at you’’ She smile before walking away again.

Shaking his head, Adam let himself smile and watch Tommy a while longer before he was turning and heading back in to the kitchen to help Dia finish lunch off.

Ten minutes later, Adam laughed as Lisa yelled out that lunch was ready and he helped her to take out some of the plates while Dia brought out the plates for them to use and sat them down on the table, turning to go inside, Adam looked up as he felt hands on his shoulder, pushing him down in to a bench seat with a grin by Lisa and Dia, who were both shaking their heads.  
‘’You’re meant to be relaxing Adam, let us bring everything out’’ Lisa told him as he laughed freely.  
‘’I don’t mind really’’ He told them as Dia headed away and Lisa shook her head.  
‘’No, sit and relax and keep my brother from wondering in to help too’’ She said as Dia pushed Tommy towards the table and down on to the bench beside Adam.  
‘’They ganged up on me’’ Tommy told him as Adam laughed and shook his head, his smile warming and causing Tommy’s lips to curl up as he turned his head and watched his sister disappear back in to the house.

Sitting back in the chair, Adam let himself enjoy the sunshine which was soaking in to his body through the clothing, the warmth soothing along with the warmth which was coming off from Tommy beside him as he glanced over to see him sitting forward, his arms on the table and fingers tracing over the lines in the wood before he was tilting his head back to look at Adam with a soft smile, a small blush appearing on his cheeks before he was turning away again.  
‘’How are you feeling now?’’ Adam asked quietly as Tommy turned back again.  
‘’Pretty good, you was right like normal’’ Tommy teased as Adam laughed softly and shook his head, his hand coming up to squeeze Tommy’s near before letting go again as the others came back out the house and sat everything down on the table.  
‘’Alright, dish up and enjoy, if there’s anything else you all want, just say’’ Dia spoke out as she settled down in front of Bridget who was sat next to Adam, Lisa and her husband the other side and Tommy’s dad the other side of Dia while himself and Tommy had no one sitting in front of them.  
‘’I’m sure it will be just as lovely as you are Dia’’ Adam told her as she laughed.  
‘’Dude, such a suck up’’ Tommy whispered as he laughed and winked at him.  
‘’Oh shush Tommy’’ Dia laughed, ‘’thank you Adam, that was nice of you to say’’ She smiled before winking at him, grinning to himself and sticking his tongue out at Tommy when he knew that no one else was looking, Adam watched as Tommy grinned back at him and shook his head before he was turning back and started to dish himself some lunch up.

_ ^V^ _

‘’Mom, where’s your bathroom?’’ Tommy asked halfway through lunch as he brushed his hands off and Adam glanced towards him as he put his drink back down.  
‘’Up the stairs and to the left, the door should be open’’ Dia told him as he nodded, watching as he got up and head back inside, Adam turned back again to meet Dia’s eyes with a small smile which she returned brightly.  
‘’So I heard that it was your birthday a couple of days ago’’ Ron questioned as Adam looked up and brushed his own hands off as he nodded. ‘’what did you turn?’’  
‘’Twenty seven’’ Adam told him with a small smile.  
‘’So the same age as Tommy then, a few months younger’’ Dia added as Adam nodded again with a grin.  
‘’Yeah, although we didn’t know it was Tommy’s birthday until about a month, nearly two months-‘’  
‘’Dia…Ron’’ Hearing another voice cut him off, Adam turned towards the house before back again when he heard Lisa cursing slightly.  
‘’What’s wrong?’’ Adam asked as Lisa looked up at him.  
‘’It’s our Gran’’ She whispered out to him before Adam felt himself freeze slightly before he nodded stiffly, his eyes darting towards Dia to see her looking at Ron with a worried look before it was being schooled away quickly as she turned towards the kitchen door as a man and women walked through.

‘’Oh, you’re having lunch’’ The women exclaimed as Dia stood and pressed a kiss to her cheek before doing the same to the man as she nodded. ‘’don’t mind if we joined would you?’’ She asked before Dia smiles and shakes her head.  
‘’Of course not mom’’ She smiled before sitting down, ‘’it will be a pleasure’’ She spoke out as Adam glanced towards the house again, his mind filled with worry about how Tommy was going to feel about coming face to face with the person who had made his mom put him up for adoption. Turning back again, Adam was shocked to find Dia’s mother staring towards him which had him swallowing slightly.  
‘’You’re that singer person aren’t you’’ She asked, her face pulling in to a frown as Adam nodded politely.  
‘’Yes I am m’am’’ Adam told her as she hummed slightly.  
‘’Well, how do you know the family then?’’ She asked as he swallowed again.  
‘’I’m a friend of the family’’ Adam told her before Lisa was snorting a laugh and he turned to look towards her.  
‘’He’s family actually, Adam just doesn’t except that yet do you sweetie’’ She teased him with a wink which has Adam laughing lightly before shaking his head.  
‘’Oh, and how is he family dear?’’ Their Gran asked Lisa as she turned to look towards her with a large smile.  
‘’He’s Tommy’s boyfriend’’ She stated simply as Adam felt his heart speed up slightly as Their Gran looked towards him and then towards Tommy’s parents.

‘’Mom, did you want me to bring out that other bowl of salad for you?’’ Tommy’s voice called through which had everyone tensing slightly.  
‘’That would be grand love’’ Dia called back before Adam was swallowing slightly and turning to look towards the door as Tommy walked out, a bowl in one hand as he rubbed at the back of his neck before he was looking up as he got closer to the table, only to freeze quickly, his brown eyes darting between his Grandparents before his mom and dad as he started to step closer slowly again until he was putting the bowl on the table and sat back down next to Adam again.  
Glancing at the older women again, Adam could see her moving her eyes over Tommy before they were hardening slightly before he moved to look towards the man with her to see a soft smile on his lips.  
‘’I was just telling Gran, Tommy,  how Adam still isn’t accepting that he’s part of the family now despite being your boyfriend’’ Lisa told him as he turned to look down at her, his eyes staring before he turned to look at Adam who shrugged, a smiling appearing over his lips as Tommy sat back, his arm moving over his thigh and his long fingers curled around the back of Adam’s knee, the touch making his heart skip.  
‘’He will one day’’ Tommy grinned down towards his sister before he was turning to look towards his Grandparents and stared at them, biting the inside of his lip slightly, Adam raised his hand a little and let his thumb brush over the inside of Tommy’s wrist as his fingers squeezed around his knee.

‘’So you must be one I call Gran then’’ Tommy mentioned, his voice level before he was leaning forward and picking his drink up before he turned to look towards his mom. ‘’lunch is great by the way mom’’ He told her with a smile before he turned back to find his Gran still staring at him as he laughed softly. ‘’sorry’’ Tommy said, ‘’I should introduce myself really shouldn’t I’’ He told her as he sat up and placed his drink back down before he was holding his hand out towards her. ‘’I’m Tommy or Thomas, depends on who’s calling me it, normally I only got called Thomas when I fucked up as a kid and got a beating but I’m the kid you made mom give up when I was a couple of months old’’ Tommy smiled, ‘’I’ve heard so much about you and I must say, it’s great to finally be able to put a face to the word Grandmother, I would say it’s a pleasure to meet you but if I’m honest, it’s really not a pleasure at all.’’  
Hearing Lisa bust n to laughter, he glanced down at her to see her burying her face in to Alex’s shoulder, Bridget looking confused before his eyes glanced towards his parents to see them barely holding back their own laughter, the two of them having more control of themselves than Lisa before he was looking back as his Gran tutted and turned to his mother.  
‘’You brought that rat back in to the house?’’ She asked before Tommy felt himself snort with a brief laugh, his fingers digging in to Adam’s knee slightly as he looked at her.  
‘’Did you really just call me a rat?’’ He asked before shaking his head and turned to glance at Adam who looked like he didn’t know what to do before Tommy turned back again, ‘’I’ve been called many things, from a waste of space all the way to a rockstar on a stage in front of thousands, but I must admit, being called a rat is the first, I think it tops them all’’ He smirked.  
Watching as she stood, Tommy could feel his heart beating but could feel himself grounding himself with the way he had his arm leaning across Adam’s thigh which was warm under his touch. Turning back, Tommy watched as his Gran turned to the man beside her, his own eyes dropping down to see his Grandfather smiling slightly.  
‘’Come on, we are leaving, I will not sit here and let myself be disrespected by such a horrible boy’’ She told him before his Grandfather was turning to look at her.  
‘’Sit down, we are going to stay a while longer, I want to get to know y Grandson and his boyfriend’’ He told her which had Tommy grinning as he watched his Grandmother stare at him before sitting again, her handbag in her lap as he turned to look at his Grandfather again.

‘’So tell me Tommy, how did you and Adam meet?’’ His Grandfather asked as Tommy turned to look at Adam before he was laughing softly and squeezing his knee again as he turned back.  
‘’Actually,  we first met about four years  ago nearly, I was hitch hiking down from Alaska where I grew up, I was trying to get down to California to try and find Lisa actually’’ Tommy told him, ‘’Adam was the last lift  I got from San Francisco and dropped me off in San Diego, we went our own way after that actually, for a couple of months I was moving about in search for Lisa but then I auditioned for a band last October and it turned out to be Adam’s band, so we met up again and still remembered each other so we caught up and what not’’ Tommy shrugged as he smiled and glanced at Adam again before turning back to his Grandfather. ‘’I mean, I got the position in the band, and with being on a tour bus for a few months the relationship between us just grew to what it is now’’ He shrugged.  
Hearing the disgusted noise from his Gran, Tommy turned to stare at her before he was leaning forward and picked his drink up again as he sat back. ‘’You know, if you’re not happy that your Grandson is gay, you know where the front door is and you have two feet’’ He told her before he was taking a sip as she stands again and walks away as his Grandfather chuckled and shook his head.  
‘’I should get going before I’m  in big trouble’’ He told them all with a grin, ‘’But it was great to meet you again Tommy, you have a great young man there by your side’’ He winked as Tommy chuckled softly and nodded.

Watching as he said goodbye to the others and made his way out the house, they all listened to the sound of the front door closing before the sound of a car starting up and pulling away slowly faded away to bright laughter which had Tommy turning to stare at his parents and sister again as his mom smiled and held her hand over her chest as she took a deep breath.  
‘’What?’’ He asked as he let his thumb stroke over the top of Adam’s knee as she smiled.  
‘’No one has ever spoken to my mother like that before’’ She laughed again as Tommy grinned but shrugged.  
‘’I would say sorry, but I’m not really sorry about it to be honest, and plus, she looked like a social worker I once had and she looked a lot like a witch’’ He stated which had Lisa laughing again along with Adam beside him before his arm was coming up to rest over Tommy’s shoulder as he squeezed him in a sideways hug.

_ ^V^ _

With lunch finished off in soft chatter, Tommy soon found himself leaning in to Adam’s chest more, his arm still wrapped around his thigh and Adam’s around his shoulders still before he was tipping his head back slightly to look up at Adam as the others started clearing the lunch things away.   
‘’Do you still need to go to Mikes?’’ Adam asked quietly before Tommy nodded softly.  
‘’Yeah, it’s only a few things, I think he said it was a bunch of mail and a small box of my things they have found hidden in different places’’ Tommy told him just as quietly as Adam smiled and pressed a light kiss to his lips before pulling away again as he nodded.  
Standing up, Tommy ran his fingers through his hair before he was gathering his phone and wallet and looking up as his mom came outside again with a soft smile.  
‘’You’re leaving already?’’ She asked as her eyes darted between the two of them and their things in their hands before Tommy nodded lightly.  
‘’Yeah, I need to head to a friend of mine and pick a few bits of my things up from where I lived with them a while back plus some waylaid mail, we would stay longer but we have the drive to head towards the hills before coming back to the valley to drop me home’’ Tommy told her as she nodded and pulled him in to a hug before kissing his cheek as his dad and Lisa came out, Alex trailing after.  
‘’Tommy’s heading off now’’ Hi mom told them before their goodbyes was being spread around and he smiles over at Adam as they headed through the hallway and out the front door where his mom paused.  
‘’I’ll come around soon again’’ Tommy told her as she smiled and pressed another kiss to his cheek.

Tapping his fingers against the door once they were in the car and back on the road again, Tommy couldn’t help but glance over to Adam before back again as he started laughing, out the corner of his eye he could see Adam turning to look at him with a shake of his head but a grin on his lips as he spoke. ‘’I’m proud of you for standing up to her like that’’  
‘’Honestly, I have no idea what came over me’’ Tommy told him with a grin as he turned and looked at Adam again, ‘’it just came out and I couldn’t stop myself from saying what I did’’  
‘’Well I’m glad you did’’ Adam smiled as he glanced over again, his hand leaving the wheel to land on Tommy’s thigh with a soft squeeze before it was moving back again and Tommy was smiling as he leaned his head back against the head rest and let his eyes close and then open again.

Telling Adam the address, Tommy soon found himself being pulled up outside the apartment complex before he was unclicking the seat belt. ‘’Won’t be long, promise’’ Tommy grinned before he was jumping out the car and half jogging up the stairs, knocking against the door, Tommy ran his fingers through his hair again before it was being pulled open and he smiled towards Mike.  
‘’Hey loser’’ He grinned before following him inside and shutting the door behind him as Mike carried on walking down the hall. Heading down and in to the kitchen, Tommy smiled towards Dave as he looked up.  
‘’Hey, you here to pick your stuff up?’’ Dave asked as he nodded.  
‘’Yeah, but I can’t stay long, Adam’s waiting down in the car’’ He told them as they both smirked slightly.  
‘’Adam huh’’ Mike teased before he was playfully punching him in the arm, ‘’what’s going on between you two anyway?’’  
‘’We’re friends’’ He grinned with a shrug as Dave handed him a box over and a bunch of mail which Tommy flipped through before dumping it in to the box and looked up to see them both smirking at him. ‘’what it’s true…okay’’ He sighed as Mike raised an eyebrow, ‘’it may or may not be heading somewhere more than friendship’’ He shrugged, ‘’but it’s still early days’’  
‘’Well I never, the ol ‘boy’s got it Dave’’ Mike teased as Tommy laughed brightly and shook his head as he picked the box up.  
‘’Loser’s’’ Tommy smirked, ‘’anyway, I should get going’’ He laughed as he turned and started to head back towards the door and pulled it open as he turned and smiled at Mike, ‘’Thanks for keeping hold of this shit for me anyway’’  
‘’No its cool mate, we’ll give you a call if anything else turns up and we’ll sort a jam session out soon’’ Nodding Tommy returned the fist pump before he was heading down the hall and down the stairs before he was coming out and walked towards the car as Adam popped the trunk for him. Putting everything inside, Tommy closed it again before he was moving around and climbed back in to the car as Adam looked over with a smile.  
‘’Back to yours or mine?’’ He asked as Tommy smirked slightly.  
‘’Mine, you can help me finish painting the walls’’ He teased which had Adam laughing as he started the car up and waited until Tommy had put his seatbelt back on before he was pulling out of the parking spot.

_ ^V^ _

Laughing as Adam took the box out of his arms as he struggled with it and his keys, Tommy looked at him only to get a tongue sticking out which had him turning back and unlocking the door with a grin before he was stepping inside and closing the door after Adam.  
‘’I think you still have some spare cloths in the bedroom’’ Tommy told him as he headed through and in to the kitchen as Adam put the box down.  
‘’Want me to find some for you?’’ He asked as Tommy pulled two bottles of water out the fridge and turned, chucking one towards Adam who caught it.  
‘’You go on in, just want to dump my stuff first’’ He told him as Adam nodded and started to head out and down the hallway again as Tommy started to turn his pockets out on to the table before he was following Adam down the hallway and in to the bedroom just as Adam pulled his shirt up over his head and turned slightly to send a smile towards Tommy.   
Moving around him, Tommy let his hand press to Adam’s lower back as he snagged a pair of jeans up which already had paint on and another top before moving away again, Adam’s quiet laugh making him grin as he moved closer to the bed and started to change.

Pulling his top up over his head, Tommy shivered lightly in the cool air before warm fingers followed by a hand was sliding up his spine and warm lips pressed against the side of his neck and then shoulder as he smiled and turned his head slightly to look at Adam.  
‘’hurry up, I’m not doing all the painting’’ Adam teased before he was playfully biting at Tommy’s neck before heading out the bedroom where Tommy felt himself blush brightly before he was tugging his shirt on with a grin. Changed fully in to his spare clothes, Tommy headed back in to the lounge to find Adam spreading the dust sheets over the furniture as Tommy moved closer and grabbed another side from where Adam was trying to get it over the couch, pushing it under slightly, he smirked towards the taller man before he was turning and grabbing the paint to move closer to the wall they were going to do first as Adam headed towards the kitchen and moments later music started to play through the apartment.

Letting a while past between them in silence, only the music playing, Tommy glanced towards Adam to see him dancing slightly and smirks before he was looking over with a raised eyebrow which Tommy shrugged too before turning back to the wall which they were painting cream before he was biting his lip and glancing back over to Adam as he dipped his brush back in to the paint from where he had been moving it around the light switches before Tommy was flicking it towards Adam and  laughed as Adam jumped and turned to look at him with wide eyes.  
‘’Did you really just do that?’’ He asked startled before Tommy was leaning over, his arm around his stomach as he laughed brightly.  
‘’What, it’s just paint’’ Tommy teased playfully before it was his turn to be shocked as Adam flicked the paint back at him as he stood, letting his head drop down, Tommy stared at the cream paint which was across his dark shirt before he was looking back up again.  
‘’What, it’s just paint’’ Adam mocked as Tommy shook his head and turned slightly, his brush being dipped back in to the paint before he moved to pretend to go back to painting before he was flicking it at Adam, earning a astonished yelp as it caught across the side of his neck.  
Laughing, Tommy ducked as Adam sent a curve of paint back towards him before he was dropping the brush and grabbed the roller on the floor and moved it over Adam’s arm and away again when he made a move to grab it.  
Laughing brightly and higher than the music playing from the kitchen, Tommy dodged against attack from Adam before he was coming up from behind him, and slapped his hands over Adam’s shoulders before Adam was turning quickly, paint in his own hands which he spread over Tommy, the paint covering more as he struggled and laughed  as he wiggled out of Adam’s hold and started to move away before he was slipping on a puddle of paint and landing on top of the newspaper they had laughed, his chest heaving as Adam laughed above him before finally moving to hold his hand out to help him up.  
Grabbing it, Tommy tugged him down, making Adam fall too before they were both laughing as Adam pushed himself up on to his elbows and smeared paint across Tommy’s cheek as he grinned  up at Adam, biting his lip slightly as he took in the grin on the other man’s face, Tommy moved slightly and wrapped his arms around Adam’s neck before he was leaning up and pressing his lips to Adam’s before pulling him closer to him.

Sliding his arms away from Adam’s neck as he pulled away, Tommy let a deep breath out and stared up at him as he let his hands move down and slowly slide up under Adam’s shirt, his hands sliding over smooth and warm skin as he let his fingers slowly work over the muscles in Adam’s stomach before trailing them up to his chest and back again as Adam leaned back down and lightly touched his lips back against each others before Tommy felt Adam’s hands play with the hem of his shirt before slipping under and up over his own skin before Tommy was pulling his hands away and grabbing the bottom of his top and helped Adam to pull it off before he knocked Adam over and carefully straddled Adam’s hips, his eyes staring down as he breathed out and ran his hands up on to Adam’s stomach again, his lip caught between his teeth as Adam breathed out and let his hands rest on Tommy’s knees.  
‘’Are you sure?’’ He asked quietly as his hands slipped up Tommy’s thigh and he slowly nodded and leaned backwards as Adam sat up slowly, his hands moving up over Tommy’s ass before running up his back as he pressed his lips back to Tommy’s again, the kiss deeper before he was pulling away to turn them and lay Tommy back on the floor again, his body slotted between Tommy’s thighs as he leaned down and captured his lips in another kiss, his hips slowly moving and rocking down in to Tommy’s which got a broken breath to leave his lips as he broke the kiss and tilted his head back against the floor.  
‘’Off’’ Tommy breathed out as he turned back to look at him, his hands tugging at Adam’s shirt before he was kneeling up between Tommy’s thighs, eyes dark as he watched as Adam pulled the top up and over his head, the smears of paint dancing across his chest and stomach before he was looking back down, Adam’s large hand resting on his stomach as he ran it up and over his side before he was leaning down, pressing kisses to patches of skin where paint hadn’t, the lightness of his kisses tickling as Tommy laugh and bit at his lip again as Adam glanced up to meet brown eyes,  the weight of the trust in them making Adam smile as he slowly moved his kisses lower until Tommy was biting his lip harder as he felt Adam kiss down over his covered dick, the feeling, feeling more intense with the way Adam had his eyes locked on his own still as Tommy breathed out shakily.

Swallowing as Tommy watched Adam slowly undo his jeans, he left himself reach a hand up above his head and rest on the newspaper as Adam slowly moved, keeping his movements slow in case Tommy wanted to stop suddenly, knowing that Adam would stop the moment he asked is what made Tommy want to be with Adam even more before he felt the cool air hit heated skin as he slowly pulled his boxers down along with his jeans, his own hips raising to help slightly before Adam’s hands were running up the thigh with the scar on, his thumb smoothing over it before it was resting heavily and warm on his hip as his breath flirted out over his skin and his eyes finally slipped closed and head landed back with a small thump.  
Inside his chest, Tommy could feel his heart beating crazily before skipping a few beats as he felt the flat of Adam’s tongue slowly trail up his length before lips were pressing a feather light kiss to the head of his shaft before parting to slide down as he let a shuddered breath out, fingers tightening in the newspaper as his other hand shot down to Adam’s shoulder at the last minute as Tommy forced his eyes open to look down at Adam as he moved back along his shaft, eyes meeting his as he sunk back down again before the feeling of his tongue curling around him had a broken moan leaving his lips, back arching as Adam tightened his grip slightly on his hip before Tommy was warning him a few minutes later that he wasn’t going to last much longer. At that, Tommy cursed as he felt Adam hum around him before his fingers were digging in to Adam’s shoulder tightly as he let a small cry out as he came.

Breathing deeply, Tommy let his eyes slip close and fingers relax slightly as he felt Adam move and carefully tuck him away again before he was kissing his way back up Tommy’s body, his lips brushing his own as a hand softly cradled his jaw, thumb stroking over his cheek before he was pulling away and opening his eyes as Adam rested his forehead against Tommy’s.  
‘’I think I got paint on my ass’’ Tommy whispered which made Adam smile and break in to a soft laugh as he moved and dropped his head down on to Tommy’s shoulder as he shook his head. ‘’just give me a minute and I will return the favor’’ Tommy breathed out as his hand came up to fold around Adam’s shoulder before he was turning to look at Adam after the silence had him worried to see the red blush staining his cheeks as he swallowed a few times  
‘’You don’t need too’’ Adam admitted in a quiet voice as he reached up and covered Tommy’s hand in his before he was trailing down and over his pants where he quickly felt a dampness which wasn’t due to the paint which makes Tommy blush himself. ‘’it’s the first time in a long time that I’ve ever came without being touched and on looking after someone else’’ He whispered as Tommy blushed again and lightly turned in to Adam’s body as he brought his hand up and wrapped it around his waist.  
‘’That’s the first time I’ve been touched further than just kissing since arriving in California’’ Tommy whispered back to Adam as he stared at him, his eyes boring in to his before Adam was moving and lightly pressing his lips against Tommy’s again in a light kiss.  
‘’We should shower’’ Adam whispered against them as Tommy’s pulled up in to a smile, ‘’we have paint everywhere’’ He muttered before pulling away as they both started to laugh and Tommy glanced up at the walls to see cream paint on the grey wall too.  
‘’I think that wall is going to have to be repainted too’’ He told Adam as he turned back to see Adam grinning at him, happiness clear in his eyes.  
‘’It’s your fault’’ Adam teased, his lips brushing over Tommy’s once more, ‘’you started it’’

Gasping playfully, Tommy pushed Adam away playfully before he was pushing his hand back in to the paint again and slapping it against Adam’s chest, leaving a messy handprint before reaching up to clap his palm against Adam’s cheek with a g in as he quickly moved to his feet and started to head towards the bathroom where he hears Adam’s footsteps behind him, his laugh echoing before Tommy is laughing brightly and changes direction quickly as a knock echoed through the hallway and he ran down towards the door before answering it to find Ashley and Isaac stood there staring at him as he breathed deeply and tried to stop his laughter. Grinning at their raised eyebrows, Tommy itched at a patch of drying paint on his shoulder before blushing.  
‘’Now isn’t a very good time’’ He admitted with a slight grin.  
‘’Oh, well we were just wondering if you have heard from Adam, we haven’t been able to get hold of him since yesterday morning’’ Ashley told him as he bit his lip and glanced over his shoulder to see the hallway empty before he was pulling the door open wider and turned to walk back, his steps slow as he darted his eyes around.  
‘’Alright, it’s time out dude, we have guests’’ Tommy called out as he crept closer to the lounge and slowly stepped out before laughter broke out of his throat as arms circled him and the coldness of the pain made him shiver as he struggled in Adam’s hold, his breath heavy as he shook his head. ‘’Ashley and Isaac’s looking for you’’ He told Adam as laughter broke out and they both paused before looking up to see Ashley grinning towards the two off them as they stood just out of the lounge and closer to the kitchen table.  
‘’Hi’’ Adam grinned as he let Tommy go before he was bringing his wrist up to rub at his temple where somehow he hadn’t managed to get any paint as he glanced over at Tommy and back again, ‘’we were just about to grab a shower’’ He stated as the other two glanced between them.  
‘’Together or your own’’ Isaac smirked out before Tommy shrugged.  
‘’Whatever, probably together, save water you know’’ He teased and laughed lightly as he watched the smug expression drop from Isaac’s face slightly before a horror stricken look almost over took as Tommy laughed and turned around to walk back over to the wall when he felt his foot slip on the paint covered paper and landed with another thud, laughter breaking free again.

‘’You okay?’’ Adam asked as he glanced over at his fallen comrade before Tommy raised his hand up in a thumbs up.  
‘’Fine and dandy, just going to chill out down here for a while’’ Tommy grinned out to them as Adam laughed and shook his head before he was turning back to his other two band members.  
‘’What did you want anyway?’’ Adam asked with a soft smile before Isaac was shrugging.  
‘’We were going to see if you wanted to come out for a late lunch’’  
‘’Oh, we’ve already eating, had lunch with Tommy’s family’’ Adam informed them before he was smirking slightly, ‘’you should’ve seen it, Tommy totally bitched his Grandmother out’’ Adam said as Tommy laid from his place on the floor, muttering about stupid of witches which had Adam shaking his head with a grin as the other two laughed.  
‘’That’s defferently a story for another day’’ Ashley laughed as she folded her arms over each other and looked between the two with a knowing look. ‘’well anyway, we just wanted to check in and see if you wanted lunch like Isaac did, but we will leave you too it then guys, just make sure you reply to texts and phone calls next time Adam’’ She smirked before Adam was glancing in the direction of Tommy’s bedroom where he had left his phone.  
‘’Sorry, I will’’ He told them as he headed down to the door with them. ‘’I haven’t had my phone on me much today’’ He told them as Isaac opened the door and headed out, Ashley behind before she was turning and running her eyes over his body again.  
‘’I would give you a kiss goodbye but you’re a bit covered in paint Adam’’ She teased which had him grinning and looking down at himself with a nod.  
‘’A bit, I don’t think it covers it’’ He chuckled before saying goodbye, watching them walk away, Adam closed the door and locked it again before he was heading back in to the lounge and over to where Tommy was still laid out on the floor, his eyes closed before they were opening with a soft smile as Adam stood with his feet either side of Tommy’s knees.

Helping him up, Tommy scrunched his nose up at the feeling as Adam peeled the newspaper off his back and pressed another kiss to the side of his head before telling him to go shower before they thought of a way to get paint off the door handles which had Tommy pausing and glancing around slightly before back again with a shrug.  
‘’Can easily buy new ones if we can’t’’ He told Adam before he was taking a step away and stopped again as he turned, a soft smile on his lips as he took in the sight of him stood there, the knowledge that they were together now making his heart swell as Adam turned and met his eyes again.  
‘’Thought I told you to go shower baby?’’ Adam asked, his voice soft as Tommy smiled and nodded.  
‘’I am’’ He whispered.  
‘’So what are you waiting for?’’ Adam asked before his eyes were dropping from his own to look down at the hand he slowly raised out towards the man who had stolen his heart and made it whole again.

‘’Coming?’’


End file.
